Court of the Dragon

real life

2006-04-29T08:23:00.000Z

So my uncle Babush, the grey sheep? is visiting from Pittsburg for a month, so I'll try real life for a bit. Had been on some MAC MMORPG into the desert or tale in the desert, yep, God that was boring. People pay programmers to do menial work over, in a quasi reality programme, why not just do menial work for real and get paid for it instead? Real life is not too bad in the summer. See you when it all gets too much.

the politics of sex and fat bastard

2006-04-28T12:17:00.000Z

So this guy says that Prescott used to have the moral authority to deliver an ultimatum to Blair to force his resignation but now he doesn't. But that's not that great for Blair because it just means none of the cabinet can muster enough moral authority to demand the resignation of a lying murderous toe-rag. Half a million hits on the Beeb Web page, that story about Fat Bastard and his secretary, i suppose usual internet thing. 1 million for big phil becoming the next england manager when we fail to win the world cup this time. And apparently no one blames big ears the home sec because it's quite a hard job to do really really, i'll give it a go then, and anyway the civil servant in charge of the dept responsible for the current pecadillo got a promotion. You work for the Home Office if you lack the talent to work for the FCO, and you go into the civil service when you show a lack of talent but have a good education. I so truly missed my vocation but it's never too late, I wonder if they offer job share in the Home Civil Service. So I thought I'd let Constable Scott enjoy his long weekend with the kidz and then start the whole feedback complaints process again. Dear Constable Scott you have seven days to respond etc of course if I write a letter recorded delivery to CX Chief Super then he will respond because otherwise it gets bucked up the chain and what else do people do except pass paper back and forth. Reminds me of that pregnant woman murdered by her boyfriend, the copper thought shall i go visit some hysterical hormonal bint if i were her ex-boyfriend, of course I can't abide men wot hit their women, but I'll give the wife a smack if she needs one, or shall i go investigate the case of a poor doggie trapped in a car with the windshields down. It's not that hot but as summer develops I sicken positively sicken when little doggies or big doggies are trapped in cars with the windows wound fully up, it saddens me to see the state that so called decent people, anyway this time the boyfriend murdered the mother and child. I bet that copper gets a promotion mind. It's not about success, we aren't amurkans, it's about the cut of his gib and a man who cares about the plight of doggies will do well in this man's police force.

Apparently when the journalist telephoned Fat Bastard, or the Right Honourable John Jack Prescott the people's deputy PM, he was calm, his main concern was the damage and hurt that would come to his family, his wife, does he have kids I have no idea. Are his parents alive, well your mum always backs you she never liked the wife. No my standards have dropped. He is a very fat very old ugly man with power, but he will say it was because of his bubbly vivacious personality that drew his secretary into sex, he might as well have been a senior clerk in a small bank because when you have a bubbly vivacious personality you clearly become a pussy magnet. And my standards, I would have been more troubled by the corruption, the incompetence, admitting to incomeptence and still carrying on regardless, that and the case of the psychotic world view of the Health Minister. But it's more fun to ruin families in a vengeful spiteful way and call it politics and being in the public interest. Why don't we just return to robber barons and be done with this voting crap. At least they never lied about who they were who they stood for, you got lucky with a longbow, and anybody could win an election.

on my day off

2006-04-26T22:51:00.000Z

I decided to return to an MMORPG but this was quite fun coz i didn't talk to anyone, just spent all day and now I am cap'n of a Wraith cargo ship but it has two cannon and a missile launcher, come on, tell me that is not impwessive.

So what happens. The Home Secretary offers his resignation because he let a thousand illegal alien criminals on the streets coz he had been too busy stopping the vulnerable asylum seekers and took his eye of whatever it was, then he said oh but it all happened when Blunket was in charge, then it turns out 700 maybe but 300 hundred were his, even the murderers, rapists and paedophiles just disappeared, no idea where they are, but not abroad. So the PM rejected the tender of the resignation. So the Deputy PM two jags, aka Fat Bastard he admits (boasts) of having an affair with one of his secretaries. Ah well that's what they pay you the big bucks for. And Patricia Hewitt who is linked to another scandal to do with her hubbie, i am not confusing her with Tessa Jowell, she is a health minister anyway she gets laughed off stage booed off by the nurses because thousands are being sacked this month because of a little mix-up with the budget but she went for hyperbole and insists that this is the bestest year ever for the NHS.

Nothing will happen for a while, but May the fourth be with you people. I wonder if that nice Constable Scott will email me again tomorrow. Ah i fear i may not pursue the life of a starship captain for longer than the one week free trial. There is just too much to do?

I am pleased to announce

2006-04-26T13:19:00.000Z

As official as anything quakerish is official. Having been invited to introduce myself after the notices at the end of last Sunday's meeting, my name's Desie I hope to come again. After this Wednesday's meeting I feel I can claim now to be an Attendee, that's like a Grandee but no cigar, no hint of spanish hidalgo aristocracy, no really really light grey andalousian, but it's hard to conceal the pride, ill just smirk a little for a while. I am proud of my smirk.

So where to now. I think this is it. I hardly think I am going to insist on being entered into the rolls, anyone who feels he has to be placed on a list to become a quaker methinks is missing the point of quakerism. I am now a friend of the society of friends.

Of course if I begin to quake that is another matter entirely.

Let's press on then

2006-04-25T18:44:00.000Z

I wrote an interesting (well i thought it was) defence against Neo-Platonic attacks of Aristotle's definitions of place. He offers two innermost motionless boundary, and contiguous space. Two fisherman are rowing in a river and weigh anchor and start to fish. The salmon are leaping into the nets. So they decide to mark the side of the boat so the next day they can return to the same place. I argued that contiguous space is the theoretical or logo men definition and innermost motionless boundary was the practicable or ergo de definition, because sometimes the contiguous space isn't static. For my next application I thought i'd use National Grid Eastings and Northings for the TQ area of the UK. The national grid goes to 3 figures eastings and northings, which makes a hundred metre square the smallest grid reference. Let's see if it gets challenged eh.

Dear Constable Scott,

I have had some time to consider your points for
clarification it may indeed take us till October to
come to an agreement on what i wrote.
--- Ian.Scott3@met.police.uk wrote:
Could you just confirm the following:
> >
> > 1. You wish to Start you picket / demonstration
> at
> > midnight 4 / 5 November 2006 for a period of 24
> > hours.

There appears to be a little confusion here. I am
happy to take the time to clarify matters for you. I
have made four separate requests for the Commissioner
to consider, so let us try to untangle the mess.

What you are describing essentially is the first
request for an authorization. However, it is illegal
to picket parliament under SOCPA 2005 section 134 s3,
even were the Commissioner to allow such a
demonstration the senior officer on the ground could
easily find the peaceful picketing of parliament as a
serious organised crime as you well know having
already arrested 28 citizens for demonstrating outwith
parliament with permission and having convicted one
person (since overturned on appeal) for demonstrating
with permission but straying into an unauthorized
part of the designated area where her demonstration
was then deemed to have become illegal by the senior
officer on the ground.

So the first clarification I am seeking authorization
to demonstrate, not to picket parliament. I think it
was rather naughty of you to try to suggest that I had
any illegal intention of picketing parliament.

As to the timing. To make it clear that I have no
intention of picketing parliament let the
authorization read for one hour. Beginning a few
minutes before midnight and extending for about an
hour. Should you require notice as to which specific
minute before midnight I intend to begin the
demonstration please email me and we can continue this
discussion.

Now to your second point.

> > 2. You then wish to start again at midnight 5 / 6
> > November 2006 until 5 November 2007 will this also
> > be 24 hours a day.

This is a very poor misreading of my notice to the
Commissioner. I am entitled to make multiple
applications in any one recorded delivery notice. That
is what I have done. You describe a second application
there are two others. The second application was
similar to the first but encompassed a nightly vigil
every night as you describe from 5/6 November 2006
until 5 November 2007. Again I do not desire to picket
parliament for the reasons already given so let the
authorization read for about an hour as for the first
application.

The third application was to discover how precise the
time duration and place element of SOCPA 2005 was
being enforced in my case by the Commissioner. Does he
regard me as a significant terrorist threat whom he
must rein in or would he allow me some leeway in
demonstrating peacefully outwith my own parliament.
Hence my third application was for me, to demonstrate
at any time as long as I live, for any purpose,
outwith my own parliament. You have not addressed that
request at all.

Also after an email from Inspector Helen, it was my
understanding that you were not now enforcing the
blanket ban on loudspeakers of any kind. May I
therefore have written permission to carry a
loudspeaker for emergency use. This would be to
prevent an overzealous copper on the ground unaware of
the law interfering with a citizen going about his
lawful business outwith his own parliament.

The fourth notice was a simple request for
clarification which you can certainly deal with. Will
the Commissioner clarify whether walking around the
Houses of Parliament with an anti US foreign policy,
anti-war anti-Blair T shirt or any political badges
constitutes a demonstration under the SOCPA 2005 act.
Given that the Home Secretary has declined to offer
him any guidance on this matter it appears to be left
to his discretion. What is the Commissioner's
determination on this matter.

I look forward the next round in clarification. It is
far better for us to keep a record of these exchanges
then for telephonic discussion when you will clearly
need to find information unlikely to be available off
the cuff.

yours sincerely

DesieX

> > The location will be shown as the original letter.

> Dear Mr Coutinho,
>
> thank you for your reply I await confirmation of
> details.
>
> If in the meantime if you have any question please
> contact me on the number below.
>
> Ian Scott
> Pc281CX
> Operations Office
> Charing Cross Police Station
> Agar Street
> WC2N 4JP
>
> # Phone 0207 321 (4) 7524
> # Fax 0207 321 (4) 7527
> # E-Mail ian.scott3@met.police.uk
> operations-cx@met.police.uk
>

change of pace

2006-04-25T13:02:00.000Z

Ah well but if it were simple then it would not be bureaucracy, the young constable has asked me about starting my Picket / Demonstration. Odd choice of words. Horsie types will know that 'osses never trample people if they see you, nor will charge through a line of men. I was once asked then presumably all you have to do to stop a cavalry attack is to stand still. Basically yes. You could lie down if you were in plain sight of the osses, or you could form square. The horse would either pull up and throw the rider, or go around. What is the relevance. A picket it's the tactic used by the Scots at Bannock Burn, the one they win after William Wallace is dead. Braveheart. Anyway you plant a picket into the earth and it points outwards and the 'osse is definitely not going to charge that, it's bigger more powerful than the rider and if you want to go charge into it the horse will pull up because it's also a darn bit more intelligent than the average rider. I could respond today but where would the fun be in that. He isn't going to reply till October 6, so any suggestions when I should respond to his feeble attempts at trying to get me to go on a date. Men are so lazy these days. Do you see how many times he has asked for my number, can i meet him here and there and for reasons that have nothing to do with SOCPA 2005. First we have to meet to discuss matters of high state and security, then it's could I point out to him the exact place I want to demonstrate, while no doubt he offers me a supportive arm, and now it's can I tell him the exact times I want to picket and demonstrate (I don't want to picket will there actually be a cavalry charge on parliament by the blues and royals) and apparently the only way he can find this stuff out is if i meet with him over lunch some day. I don't think so. I am a lady. Well this is what I told him, it's only fair to let them down gently are we agreed gentlemen.

I think instead I'll start a fresh application to join the illegal tea parties, this one he can keep on file then, don't bother me.

Dear Constable Scott,

As you have stated that you are aiming to send the
authorization to me on or about the beginning of
October 2006 I shall take the matter under advisement
and respond to your two requests for factual
confirmation and your rather flattering and repeated
requests for a physical assignation, in due course. My
own policy is to respond to requests within fourteen
days, if you feel you have been unfairly treated by me
you may write to me by recorded mail and I will assign
someone who knows me well to deal with your complaint
in an appropriate manner, though of course since I
feel i myself better than many I may indeed deal with
your complaint myself.

That will be all for now, Constable.

a toute a l'heure
DesieX
--- Operations-CX@met.police.uk wrote:

> Dear Mr Coutinho,
>
> thank you for your reply below.
>
> Could you just confirm the following:
>
> 1. You wish to Start you picket / demonstration at
> midnight 4 / 5 November 2006 for a period of 24
> hours.
>
> 2. You then wish to start again at midnight 5 / 6
> November 2006 until 5 November 2007 will this also
> be 24 hours a day.
>
> The location will be shown as the original letter.
>
> It would help if I could contact you by phone to
> discuss these matters, or as request have a meeting
> to discuss the events.
>
> As stated my Superintendent has to give authority.
> November is a long way away and I would look at
> getting the authorisation signed at the beginning of
> October 06 and posting out to you by recorded
> delivery.
>
> Rgds
>
> Pc Ian Scott
>
>
>
> ---Original Message-----
> From: Des Coutinho
> Sent: 25 April 2006 13:15
> To: Operations - CX
> Subject: RE: FAO Constable Scott that should
> conclude matters unless
> there is something you have forgotten?
>
>
> Dear Constable Scott,
>
> Why didn't you just say so to begin with Constable.
> I
> can save us both the time. I'd lke the exact place
> to
> be the same exact place that Superintendent Peter
> Terry already gave authorization for in his letter
> of
> authorization to me dated 27 March 2006 Your Ref
> 218/2006 the retention period for which is seven
> years
> so it should be with the bundle you already have.
> However if you are having difficulty finding the
> previous authorisation, allow me to quote the exact
> designated part within the designated area as
> previously authorized. 'on the footway at Parliament
> Square SW1.' I take it you accept that willing as I
> am
> to help the police with their inquiries, your Boss,
> Lord Blair of the Metropolis has not been given the
> power by parliament to do anything other than grant
> me
> an authorization. So unless you have another reason
> to
> delay I look forward to receiving my second
> authorization to demonstrate under SOCPA 2005. If
> you
> do not know the place to which the Superintendent
> refers I am sure he will be more than happy to take
> you for a tour, didn't they cover local geography in
> your induction. I shall be sure to take this matter
> up
> with the Commissioner in my next application.
>
> I take it that you have no comment to make about my
> other three requests to the Commissioner, a sort of
> work to rule as it were. I can't even tempt you to
> write no comment hmm.
>
> If you require more than one week to gain my
> authorization please let me know. Or if there is any
> other matter I can assist you with please feel free
> to
> email me, a copy of this correspondence can be found
> on my web page which will also be in my file.
>
> You are an absolute sweetie I shall have nothing but
> praise for you when I next write to the
> Commissioner.
>
> DesieX
>
>
> --- Operations-CX@met.police.uk wrote:
>
> > Dear Mr Coutinho,
> >
> > if we can meet in Parliament Square you can point
> > out where you wish to holds you demonstration.
> >
> > Once we have met I will get the Superintendent to
> > sign the authority as requested.
> >
> > If you want me to call please give me your number
> > and a time to call.
> >
> > Rgds
> >
> > Pc Ian Scott
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: Des Coutinho
> [mailto:descoutinho@yahoo.co.uk]
> > Sent: 25 April 2006 10:42
> > To: Operations - CX
> > Subject: FAO Constable Scott reply to my complaint
> > against Helen Preece
> > 19/04/2006
> >
> >
> > Dear Constable Scott,
> >
> > Thank you for your response within the seven days
> > requested. I would rather meet with you in person,
> > would you be able to travel to Ealing Police
> > Station,
> > my schedule is embarrasingly free. If not please
> > reply
> > by email and I'll some recording equipment
> together
> > and we can chat over the telephone. I assume you
> are
> > aware that you do not have the authority not to
> > grant
> > authorization for a request to demonstrate within
> a
> > designated area, you may add conditions to noise
> and
> > size of banners as outlined by the SOCPA 2005, and
> I
> > am not required by SOCPA 2005 to provide you with
> > any
> > more information than that I have already provided
> > you
> > by recorded delivery. In fact you have already
> > arrested and convicted one citizen because he
> sought
> > to provided you the information request over the
> > telephone.
> >
> > Therefore once you have confirmed that your
> request
> > is
> > extra-legal and will bear no relevance to the
> > authorization for my demonstration outwith my own
> > parliament, that this matter is procedural only, I
> > will happly record our conversation for personal
> > use.
> > But I must insist that you respond via email
> > confirming that I have already fulfilled my
> > obligations under SOCPA 2005 and that the
> > Commissioner
> > has no alternative other than to issue me with an
> > authorization to demonstrate subject to the
> > conditions
> > laid out in SOCPA 2005
> >
> > yours
> >
> > Desie
> > (please do not telephone me i will need time to
> set
> > up
> > recording equipment, alternatively if you have one
> > to
> > hand i could telephone you and you could send me a
> > copy of the recording hmmm)
> > --- Operations-CX@met.police.uk wrote:
> >
> >
> > ---------------------------------
> > Reply to E-mail dtd 19/04/2006 and letter to
> > Commissioner
> > Dear Mr Coutinho,
> >
> > Inspector Helen Preece has passed your file on to
> me
> > to deal.
> >
> > Can I ask you to call me on the number shown below
> > to
> > discuss the details of your event on the 4
> November
> > 2006 (midnight) onwards.
> >
> > I am available all day today, but will be out of
> the
> > office all day Wednesday (26/04). Back in on
> > Thursday.
> >
> >
> > If possible I would also like to meet you to
> discuss
> > the event.
> >
> > Rgds
> >
> > Ian Scott
> > Pc281CX
> > Operations Office
> > Charing Cross Police Station
> > Agar Street
> > WC2N 4JP
> >
> > # Phone 0207 321 (4) 7524
> > # Fax 0207 321 (4) 7527
> > # E-Mail ian.scott3@met.police.uk
> > operations-cx@met.police.uk
> >
> >
>
**********************************************************************
> > It is the policy of the MPS that:
> >
> > MPS personnel (or agents working on behalf of the
> > MPS)
> > must not use
> > MPS systems to author, transmit or store documents
> > such as electronic mail (e-mail) messages or
> > attachments:
> >
> > * containing racist, homophobic,sexist,
> defamatory,
> > offensive, illegal or
> > otherwise inappropriate material;
> >
> > * for other than official or semi-official MPS
> > purposes;
> >
> > * containing material requiring a protective
> > marking
> > higher than
> > RESTRICTED, (and not higher than NOT
> PROTECTIVELY
> > MARKED across
> > the internet) without the use of approved
> > encryption;
> >
> > * containing personal data for use other than in
> > accordance with
> > the notification(s) under the Data Protection
> > Act,
> > 1998 of the
> > system(s) from which the data originates.
> >
> > * This Email message has been scanned for viruses
> > and
> > contents.

Too easy or do you mean it's too quiet captain

2006-04-25T12:18:00.000Z

Taking him at his word, the honest copper merely wanted a grid reference, where in the Square mile outwith parliament did I actually want to place my static demonstration. If that is it then i'll get my authorization, if not the game continues.

Dear Constable Scott,

Why didn't you just say so to begin with Constable. I
can save us both the time. I'd lke the exact place to
be the same exact place that Superintendent Peter
Terry already gave authorization for in his letter of
authorization to me dated 27 March 2006 Your Ref
218/2006 the retention period for which is seven years
so it should be with the bundle you already have.
However if you are having difficulty finding the
previous authorisation, allow me to quote the exact
designated part within the designated area as
previously authorized. 'on the footway at Parliament
Square SW1.' I take it you accept that willing as I am
to help the police with their inquiries, your Boss,
Lord Blair of the Metropolis has not been given the
power by parliament to do anything other than grant me
an authorization. So unless you have another reason to
delay I look forward to receiving my second
authorization to demonstrate under SOCPA 2005. If you
do not know the place to which the Superintendent
refers I am sure he will be more than happy to take
you for a tour, didn't they cover local geography in
your induction. I shall be sure to take this matter up
with the Commissioner in my next application.

I take it that you have no comment to make about my
other three requests to the Commissioner, a sort of
work to rule as it were. I can't even tempt you to
write no comment hmm.

If you require more than one week to gain my
authorization please let me know. Or if there is any
other matter I can assist you with please feel free to
email me, a copy of this correspondence can be found
on my web page which will also be in my file.

You are an absolute sweetie I shall have nothing but
praise for you when I next write to the Commissioner.

DesieX

--- Operations-CX@met.police.uk wrote:

> Dear Mr Coutinho,
>
> if we can meet in Parliament Square you can point
> out where you wish to holds you demonstration.
>
> Once we have met I will get the Superintendent to
> sign the authority as requested.
>
> If you want me to call please give me your number
> and a time to call.
>
> Rgds
>
> Pc Ian Scott
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Des Coutinho
> Sent: 25 April 2006 10:42
> To: Operations - CX
> Subject: FAO Constable Scott reply to my complaint
> against Helen Preece
> 19/04/2006
>
>
> Dear Constable Scott,
>
> Thank you for your response within the seven days
> requested. I would rather meet with you in person,
> would you be able to travel to Ealing Police
> Station,
> my schedule is embarrasingly free. If not please
> reply
> by email and I'll some recording equipment together
> and we can chat over the telephone. I assume you are
> aware that you do not have the authority not to
> grant
> authorization for a request to demonstrate within a
> designated area, you may add conditions to noise and
> size of banners as outlined by the SOCPA 2005, and I
> am not required by SOCPA 2005 to provide you with
> any
> more information than that I have already provided
> you
> by recorded delivery. In fact you have already
> arrested and convicted one citizen because he sought
> to provided you the information request over the
> telephone.
>
> Therefore once you have confirmed that your request
> is
> extra-legal and will bear no relevance to the
> authorization for my demonstration outwith my own
> parliament, that this matter is procedural only, I
> will happly record our conversation for personal
> use.
> But I must insist that you respond via email
> confirming that I have already fulfilled my
> obligations under SOCPA 2005 and that the
> Commissioner
> has no alternative other than to issue me with an
> authorization to demonstrate subject to the
> conditions
> laid out in SOCPA 2005
>
> yours
>
> Desie
> (please do not telephone me i will need time to set
> up
> recording equipment, alternatively if you have one
> to
> hand i could telephone you and you could send me a
> copy of the recording hmmm)
> --- Operations-CX@met.police.uk wrote:
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Reply to E-mail dtd 19/04/2006 and letter to
> Commissioner
> Dear Mr Coutinho,
>
> Inspector Helen Preece has passed your file on to me
> to deal.
>
> Can I ask you to call me on the number shown below
> to
> discuss the details of your event on the 4 November
> 2006 (midnight) onwards.
>
> I am available all day today, but will be out of the
> office all day Wednesday (26/04). Back in on
> Thursday.
>
>
> If possible I would also like to meet you to discuss
> the event.
>
> Rgds
>
> Ian Scott
> Pc281CX
> Operations Office
> Charing Cross Police Station
> Agar Street
> WC2N 4JP
>
> # Phone 0207 321 (4) 7524
> # Fax 0207 321 (4) 7527
> # E-Mail ian.scott3@met.police.uk
> operations-cx@met.police.uk
>
>
**********************************************************************
> It is the policy of the MPS that:
>
> MPS personnel (or agents working on behalf of the
> MPS)
> must not use
> MPS systems to author, transmit or store documents
> such as electronic mail (e-mail) messages or
> attachments:
>
> * containing racist, homophobic,sexist, defamatory,
> offensive, illegal or
> otherwise inappropriate material;
>
> * for other than official or semi-official MPS
> purposes;
>
> * containing material requiring a protective
> marking
> higher than
> RESTRICTED, (and not higher than NOT PROTECTIVELY
> MARKED across
> the internet) without the use of approved
> encryption;
>
> * containing personal data for use other than in
> accordance with
> the notification(s) under the Data Protection
> Act,
> 1998 of the
> system(s) from which the data originates.
>
> * This Email message has been scanned for viruses
> and
> contents.

And Another Thing

2006-04-25T11:21:00.000Z

So yesterday the coppers show off this incredibly sophisticated state of the art piece of software first of its kind anywhere in the universe. Stop rewind. It doesn't actually work does it. Blank look from copper. Just once you wish the journalist covering technical matters actually knew something about the field rather than having been salvaged from the merger of glamour model coverage and minor royals.

So the software, as far as I could tell, you take a photo of some johnnie, then you click manually arynde the eyes, didn't seem to be anywhere specifically but arynde the eye area. And then two cross hairs appear, and finally you click arynde the nose. Seems to be based on the idea that the proportions of eyes to nose identify us uniquely and of course will confirm that them wot has their eyes too close together, well we always knew about them.

But that's not the clever bit. The clever bit is that the software or computer as it sometimes called, then can pick up every single photo of said johnnie even when she wears a blonde wig, or puts a yashmak about her face or grows a beard what have you, because it's all very scientific, and to prove the efficacity of said software, it miraculous summoned up oh i'd say arynde 15 more photos (all seemed passport size by the way) of said journalist johnnie and indeed some she wore a scarf others a hat, or glasses all ver ver impwessive i am certain the amurkans don't have anyting like it else I should have seen it on CSI.

They might start having problems when they input more photos hmmm.

Though every now and then I see a photo of some sarge in the Met blonde hair dark glasses who was arrested under SOCPA 2005 for joining an illegal demo outwith parliament. Arrested but not charged. oo er missus. Perhaps they could use this cutting edge state of the art piece of crap to identify who the man is hmmm.

Oh yes the beautiful thing about this software stuff is it designed to stop paedophiles, no i shit you not, it is the latest in a high tech multinational multifaceted multi-technological plan to rid the world of paedophiles. I thought the problem was terrorists. I mean I am as much for giving police ultimate judge dredd shoot anyone who wants to work with children that'll stop the bloody paedophiles thing, but aren't we just giving them ridiculous powers outwith accountability because tony cares more about us whereas the conservatives chameleons they just care about protecting bomb running gun toting middle-eastern rag head illegal immigrant single parent fucking terrorists.

Stay on message Constable, the Daily Mail reader cannot cope with more than one nemesis at any one time, you don't want to get them started on paedophiles again otherwise you are going to have to provide round the clock protection for paediatricians, podiatrists etc etc. again. you recall the last time.

yeah and on my own weblog ill use any fucking anglo saxon term I please.

This is how we do bureaucratic terrorism

2006-04-25T09:44:00.000Z

The met working towards a safer london have replied, it's dropped down to a lowly Constable, but I am sure he can handle matters outwith dropping the ball. They have asked for me to telephone to discuss why on earth I should want to demonstrate at midnight on Guy Fawlkes night, will i be bring fire works, is this a reenactment of the Warchowski bros film V for Vendetta. I merely point out in my reply it is none of the Met's concern. SOCPA 2005 is purely procedural. The courts don't look into human rights or democracy. It is a procedural matter. If I am correct the way to bring it to a standstill is to bump up requests from 150 since last November to today to thousands or hundreds of thousands. My response in full. He emailed I email. He writes letters I write letters. He uses Basildon Bond, I use Oxfam recycled rice paper from the Pilipinas.

Dear Constable Scott,

Thank you for your response within the seven days
requested. I would rather meet with you in person,
would you be able to travel to Ealing Police Station,
my schedule is embarrasingly free. If not please reply
by email and I'll some recording equipment together
and we can chat over the telephone. I assume you are
aware that you do not have the authority not to grant
authorization for a request to demonstrate within a
designated area, you may add conditions to noise and
size of banners as outlined by the SOCPA 2005, and I
am not required by SOCPA 2005 to provide you with any
more information than that I have already provided you
by recorded delivery. In fact you have already
arrested and convicted one citizen because he sought
to provided you the information request over the
telephone.

Therefore once you have confirmed that your request is
extra-legal and will bear no relevance to the
authorization for my demonstration outwith my own
parliament, that this matter is procedural only, I
will happly record our conversation for personal use.
But I must insist that you respond via email
confirming that I have already fulfilled my
obligations under SOCPA 2005 and that the Commissioner
has no alternative other than to issue me with an
authorization to demonstrate subject to the conditions
laid out in SOCPA 2005

yours

Desie
(please do not telephone me i will need time to set up
recording equipment, alternatively if you have one to
hand i could telephone you and you could send me a
copy of the recording hmmm)
--- Operations-CX@met.police.uk wrote:

---------------------------------
Reply to E-mail dtd 19/04/2006 and letter to
Commissioner
Dear Mr Coutinho,

Inspector Helen Preece has passed your file on to me
to deal.

Can I ask you to call me on the number shown below to
discuss the details of your event on the 4 November
2006 (midnight) onwards.

I am available all day today, but will be out of the
office all day Wednesday (26/04). Back in on Thursday.

If possible I would also like to meet you to discuss
the event.

Rgds

Ian Scott
Pc281CX
Operations Office
Charing Cross Police Station
Agar Street
WC2N 4JP

# Phone 0207 321 (4) 7524
# Fax 0207 321 (4) 7527
# E-Mail ian.scott3@met.police.uk
operations-cx@met.police.uk

**********************************************************************
It is the policy of the MPS that:

MPS personnel (or agents working on behalf of the MPS)
must not use
MPS systems to author, transmit or store documents
such as electronic mail (e-mail) messages or
attachments:

* containing racist, homophobic,sexist, defamatory,
offensive, illegal or
otherwise inappropriate material;

* for other than official or semi-official MPS
purposes;

* containing material requiring a protective marking
higher than
RESTRICTED, (and not higher than NOT PROTECTIVELY
MARKED across
the internet) without the use of approved
encryption;

* containing personal data for use other than in
accordance with
the notification(s) under the Data Protection Act,
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system(s) from which the data originates.

* This Email message has been scanned for viruses and
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**********************************************************************

For Georgiu of Palestine and For England

2006-04-22T18:08:00.000Z

So this being the vigil and Dr Who about to start can't be dawdling. Tomorrow a ceremonial burning of the Great Seal is planned after a fancy dress tea party outwith parliament apparently they have sought and obtained authorization under SOCPA 2005 so I guess i'll watch it on telly see if anyone gets arrested.

And yes the Met do have a complaints procedure. If Helen doesn't respond by 26 April then I take it up with her Chief Superintendant, the Commissioner and th IPCC in that order. So plenty of letters to write should keep me happy for more than a while.

Ah well I leave the world in other's hands. I am sure you will not drop the ball or betray the sacred trust we place in you, and I am off to watch Dr Who save the empress of India from a werewolf, not the ne'erdowell Tardis stealing nobody of yore, nor the mysterious aged professor, bit of a smartarse wideboy but how they grow up our heroes eh.

Never make war on a corpse

2006-04-21T18:07:00.000Z

I could see how some rational idiot project manager ex labout spin doctor suggested, if we allow a funeral people will just use it as an excuse to mount a demo/march. So they sent 50 riot police and 'cremated' the body. Did the journalist actually say cremated the body by the side of the river (i think he said Basmati but isn't that a type of rice) and these fifty brave lads in riot gear with guns kept mourners at bay, and the family weren't there because they had taken away his body and they knew not where they had put him. You ignorant stupid scum, you thick pathetic moronic fools. So once the people found out what had happened, hundreds of thousands took to the streets, i have seen armed men beaten to death when there are that many angry people running around with passions aroused, so rather wisely the police let them torch and burn down government buildings calling for the removal of their king. Kings rule only with the consent of the people. Any King of any nation at any time. They could have shot many more of the living and he might have struggled on, but when he ordered the burning of a dead man, he lost the right to reign. Are they so strange the Nepalese. They are like Greeks or Romans or Japanese or French, men of history when honour was more than a memory, those days cannot return, but we can arise now and be that nation again who stood against him proud edward's army and turned him homeward to think again.

Happy Birthday Ma'am

2006-04-21T15:09:00.000Z

My friend Orver who claims he does not wish to be the most feared force in independant publishing and finds himself compelled to crush his nemesis through no fault of his own because the game has taken over, i explained but they all say that and his brutal retort was although he needs melancholy to counterbalance his overweening ambition I, yes I bitter old twisted noman I still engage with life, still hope, mischief driven curiosity is not melancholy, well if that be the case, so be it.

Happy Sun return to Her Majesty Queen Bess II & I, may you live ten thousand years ma'am, so say all men goode and true.

True to his word

2006-04-20T14:01:00.000Z

Today I received an orange thank you card from Charlie Falconer's office at the Department of Constitutional Affairs, ten days to the day I applied to be a magistrate. The promise to process my application as quickly as they can. So sometime within the next six months to year then.

The thing about Britain is our bureaucracy is very polite and systematic. I am sure if I had to complain against Inspector of Events, Helen Preece, there is a set procedure and a time line that the Met working towards a safer London have agreed to abide by. In case you were wondering if there is a conflict here, I listed Political Activism as a hobby on my application to be a Keeper of the Queen's Peace.

Now I had wondered what sort of sentence would be appropriate in a vanilla case of violation of SOCPA 2005, pleading guilty to taking tea outwith parliament after having been duly warned by the senior police officer on the ground that the government was treating tea parties outwith parliament buildings as a serious organised crime, even the disorganised tea parties.

The two Ps and the four Rs, punishment of the offender and protection of the public, in these cases they seem to be in conflict, the offender and the member of the public being one in the same.

Reduction of Crime wouldn't happen with a fine because the defendant would then commit another crime by not paying seeking to be imprisoned. There is no reparation involved.

So the main criteria I should consider would be rehabilitation and reform of the offender.

I was thinking along the lines of a community service order whereby the convict would have to agree to present his case to students from political and law departments perhaps a dozen times and then listen to their feedback, preferably at provincial universities which would limit his ability to protest in London and therefore reduce the crime rate. He might see it as a compromise with which he could live. He is basically a prisoner of conscience, committing a political crime. Again I don't see the point in imprisoning him for up to 51 weeks at £3000 per week. All that will do is turn him into a hero and bring the law into disrepute. I wonder if they will buy any of that. It's the process eh.

Remember remember the fifth of november gunpowder treason and plot

2006-04-19T13:15:00.000Z

I get the feeling the Commissioner Sir Iaian Blair is ignoring me. Was it something I said. My fourth application was for the right to demonstrate in perpetuity peacefully for any purpose i choose in any designated area, thaty would clearly forestall any further applications and save the police further time. Given that the conditions they attach to them are so draconian the only reason they might not accede to my fourth request is that it makes it clear that the application for an authorisation to demonstrate is an empty charade. The key is to move it from being my concern to their concern and hope that they move the concern to someone else. Now that is very Quaker.

Dear Helen,

I recently made four separate requests by recorded
delivery to this Station to demonstrate this coming
Guy Fawkes night November 2006. Please can you confirm
receipt of this application under SOCPA 2005. I
appreciate the authorisation sought is practicably
meaningless because on the day of the of the
demonstration the senior police officer on the ground
may decide to cancel the demonstration for example if
it were to embarrass a visiting US dignitary or the
prime minister. Constable Paul Mcinally has relayed to
me that no one has lost the right to demonstrate
peacefully outwith our own parliament. However two
people have already been convicted of demonstrating
outwith seeking an authorization outwith parliament
and since they refuse to pay the fine they may be
imprisoned for it.

Although I may not make an application by email
because you would not be able to cope with the number
of applications that process would engender you are
able to grant me the authorization by email. Please
will you do so at your earliest convenience. I have no
intention of actually going on a demo at midnight on
Guy Fawkes night, I am asserting my right to do so. I
am applying under SOCPA 2005 for an authorization. As
you have informed me your own form 3175A is not a
legal form I decline to use it, however if you ever
design a form consistent with my legal duties i will
use it.

If you wish to delay the authorization for Guy Fawkes
until closer to the day please inform me ASAP. I will
then make further applications to join the tea party
demonstrations held weekly on the green outwith
parliament. You have been arresting citizens for
taking tea outwith parliament, I assume you are aware
tea parties are politically charged, and I will attend
that demo just to see if it makes any difference to
gain an authorization first. I understand you issue
warnings before arresting tea partiers. I am a timid
man of words and no action. I will comply with a
police warning, it would be enough to force your
officers to give me the warning for drinking tea
outwith parliament 1.00pm Sundays i believe the venue
is.

If you cannot see that you are being asked to enforce
a bureacratic stupidly drawn undemocratic law forged
by government gorged with it's own self-importance and
unwilling to take note of genuine public opposition
then you are not the fast-track oxbridge recruit i had
you down for.

If I do not receive a response from you within seven
days I shall make a formal complaint against you for
an abuse of SOCPA 2005 whose regulations I am merely
trying to abide by. I am sure it won't come to that.

Desie Coutinho

further telephonic communication is not appreciated
unless you pre-arrange the time so i can record the
conversation for my own personal use. you may reply to
this email address and I will post your reply on my
web pages as usual.

It wasn't the mothers

2006-04-17T12:18:00.000Z

It wasn't rachel weeping for her children and couldn't be consoled. When I recall Enniskillen and how peace returned to Ireland it was mothers pleading that no more suffer the way they had. It's not that I had forgotten the irishman who became a senator and asked for no revenge. In my memory it was mythic and that is how women are supposed to act. But I look back and it was another myth, the ending of the Illiad

bear in mind poetry is what is lost in translation, when I first read it though it seemed to define pathos.

King Priam entered without their seeing him, and going right up to Achilles he clasped his knees and kissed the dread murderous hands that had slain so many of his sons.
As when some cruel spite has befallen a man that he should have
killed some one in his own country, and must fly to a great man's
protection in a land of strangers, and all marvel who see him, even so
did Achilles marvel as he beheld Priam. The others looked one to
another and marvelled also, but Priam besought Achilles saying, "Think
of your father, O Achilles like unto the gods, who is such even as I
am, on the sad threshold of old age. It may be that those who dwell
near him harass him, and there is none to keep war and ruin from
him. Yet when he hears of you being still alive, he is glad, and his
days are full of hope that he shall see his dear son come home to
him from Troy; but I, wretched man that I am, had the bravest in all
Troy for my sons, and there is not one of them left. I had fifty
sons when the Achaeans came here; nineteen of them were from a
single womb, and the others were borne to me by the women of my
household. The greater part of them has fierce Mars laid low, and
Hector, him who was alone left, him who was the guardian of the city
and ourselves, him have you lately slain; therefore I am now come to
the ships of the Achaeans to ransom his body from you with a great
ransom. Fear, O Achilles, the wrath of heaven; think on your own
father and have compassion upon me, who am the more pitiable, for I
have steeled myself as no man yet has ever steeled himself before
me, and have raised to my lips the hand of him who slew my son."

Oh that was it too, yes he was made a Senator but he was a protestant, he was one of those we despise, you know the ones, because they aren't like us, no point pretending they are, they are like dutch boer south africans, you can tell by the way they speak a harsh vicious tongue none of the gentle refinement of the south. He was appointed a Senator and it was his words that stayed the sectarian revenge killing.

The accent doesn't sound as harsh as I recall either, frakking samaritans, there is always an exception eh, they can't all care about their children, I know the Homer is more impressive, it has stood the test of thousands of years, and i know your man is not a great speaker, he is all over the place when he starts, desperately trying to hold it together and how does he end, how does he stop them taking out some of the daughters from the south, i bear no grudge I bear no ill will and dirty talk will not bring her back. Most of us aren't like that though. Shit even I am more eloquent.
remember remember This won't apply to the Tel Aviv bombing everyone says it will make no difference, and it's far less damaging than the bombings they are already used to. That's what they say now.

Oh by the way have i told you lately how much i despise you all.

funny thing happened on the way

2006-04-17T10:05:00.000Z

So there is this kid who posts about exams and murder/kidnapping in Mosul, write about what you know eh. So I was going looking through the comments and the usual Dear Maas, sympathetic words. But then at comment five, oh have you already guessed, some days i am so slow getting the words out far too verbose, odd sort of quaker i'd be, but then they are odd even if they don't talk about that side much. So it's from bunnygirlstringofnumbers saying do you want free porn, if you want free porn. I am not sure if this is a post-modernist ironic inversion of the dirty arab trying to sell banned seaside postcards to honest working class folk on their summer 'ols, I am not knocking porn, it's the suggestion that it would be free, people who are into sex and drugs and rock 'n roll are still supposed to say but not to kidz, so we all look down on those who hang around schoolyards trying to give away free drug samples, but when you think about it they make the best long term investment. It's why banks offer students such great deals on bank accounts, because you will be very unlikely to change your bank account, far more likely to change your wife or your house. And it was certainly a brilliant long term investment plan to make alcopops, i am sure women always love sickly sweet dwinks, the main problem with getting kids hooked on alcohol is that they found beer or lager just too bitter. So anyway I applaud the entrepreneurial spirit intrinsic to the interverse, someone has to pay to keep the stuff running, let's not become all childish and selfrighteous. Frankly with the horrors of civil war which we aren't calling a civil war why two theories one is not to talk up the problem second is all amurkans are liars, the only reason an amurkan might say I am lying is because he wants to mess with your mind. The nation is built on lies. The most damaging subversive act anyone can commit in the free world is to tell the truth. It's getting to be harder, the only reason you call me insane is because the majority are sane, if the majority were with me then you'd be the one they were calling insane. A teenage boy does not need an excuse to see porn. But it reminds me of the way Marvin Gaye composed sexual healing, he was going through another one of his cocaine binge self-hatred phases while trying to get his act together and a visiting friend saw all the S&M porn mags he was masturbating to, and he said you don't need sexual pain you need sexual healing, and Marvin asked what's sexual healing, that was his other come back song, before he manufactured his own murder. I don't get people who have faith in God. When they have the real mcCoy beautiful people, i guess i don't get the God in whom they put their Faith. Oh yeah I didn't comment on the site, it's a strick liability offence, there is no protection in law for outreach workers but we had a protocol we went through if the addict with whom we were chatting got shaken down by the cops. I figured post here. I don't work outreach no more forever.

May The Fourth be with you

2006-04-17T09:21:00.000Z

So local elections. Pretty simple to understand. Your neophyte first time voter might think it has something to do with the collecting of garbage, not just the black bag collection of waste, the local councils they might think have responsibility for the green box of recyclable waste, and the green bucket for bio-degradable waste. I'll stop you there. Some things you can't find out from google or reference books. Maybe you can but it's hidden away among all the other stuff.

The local election is for us to tell Tony whether we still love him and don't listen to all the journalists, the media men, your colleagues, the westminster village, the chattering classes, guardian letter writers, or whether we feel that having served his country with honour and distinction, we think now is a good time for our government to downsize, and for us to release him to fresh opportunities in the wider job market; time for a peerage, a lecture tour in the southern states of the USA, conversion to Roman Catholicism, maybe wifey would like to become Lady Chief Justice, like you promised oops.

Then the Rowntree Foundation comes up with 25% of all British Citizens might think about voting for the BNP. Hang on one sec it's not an illegal party, they have never advocated violence, in fact the criminal case against their leader collapsed as I recall, if it had happened to a bloody muslim they'd be hue and outcry, or at least some hue.

Leaving aside the Rowntree Foundation should stick to making those chewy jellied sweets, not to my taste, but it's what they do, and if someone did want chewy jellied sweets that would be my steer. (now a noun all growed up and nothing to do with cattle). Yes, um.

If I had the funds to conduct a national telephone survey of a few thousand bods and asked if desie was the only man left on the planet might you think about marrying him purely to perpetuate the human species while maintaining a modicum of christian morality hmmm. Might have to tweak the phrasing but what sort of percentage were you looking for would be the gallup line.

Actually I might vote BNP, I was going to spoil the ballot, but i think the BNP are a minority group in need of national support. Since the purpose of the local elections are purely to show disatisfaction with the current government, and given that once elected they don't have much power aside from garbage collection, the councillors don't get paid and in theory you could hold them personally financially responsible for mismanagement which since other councillors do that and never end up paying a penny, well I am for giving them a chance.

So this May the Fourth
Vote BNP
I am a little suspicious of anyone who claims to know which way up the union jack should fly and we all know it's not strictly called a jack unless it's flown from a ship's jack mast, and we equally know there ain't no black in the union jack, so why can't you boys learn a new song, and go back to your consituencies and prepare for local government.

Simple Gifts

2006-04-16T16:42:00.000Z

An hour to switch off. One of them said that gratitude was her way of living a simple life.

To sit in a room and not to say anything, takes trust, they say meetings can vary and I have been to a couple of good ones. Partly waiting to see how badly they handle a bad meeting.

I need something to slow me down and something to silence me. Older age will do it. but i was hoping.

The case of the intrepid adventurers

2006-04-14T11:50:00.000Z

Ok so Mr Barlsby or whatever his name is and his 'friend' Dimitri, hey it's the modern world why can't you just come out already. Fair enough a few people on earth do things. Like a few people tell the truth. They are built that way you don't have to understand the motivation. So this couple walk across the earth and they start seven years ago. I assume not the quickest path but the most adventurous, past maccu piccu, impenetrable rain forest (that can't be the right adjective), burning hell holes freezing snows, then once they get to Alaska hang a left across the Berring Straits, recall that from a Michael Caine/Harry Palmer film. Where they meet the local magistrate. Woah there a second.

What made the two adventurers think that they had the resources to overcome the problem of a petty bureaucrat, (for years I tried to spell that as if it were beautiful power but it's just a french office run by greeks and I will say just thank you for your advice anyway). So they get deported fined £41 and told they cannot try again for five years. And how did they think they were going to pass through China even assuming they were let into Russia? Let's just get there and something will come up what do they think this is a film.

Now overcoming bureaucrats is not like climbing mountains or travelling through deserts (not unlike would also have worked). These are different skills. No way could I have crossed the berring straits on foot. But if i had been given seven years and lots of money (and i have no personal interest in money but it will take time and americanski dollars none of the local paper will do), there is an art to overcoming bureaucracy. And frankly ebay has not made things easier, if they can already get Levi 501s, Kalashnikovs and Anthrax with a credit card it means I would less to offer them.

It is an impenetrable border crossing in that you can't get a visa for entry via the berring straits. So you are asking for a bureaucratic impossibility, that's where the time and money get spent. If you inquire they will say it can't be done. Or more likely the official would hand it to the man who actually does the work and say wellin arabic it's Shuf ya Achmad. Basically it can't be done, I don't care, more than me jobs worth. Stamp and return that will cost you $15.

There are no guarantees of course, what would follow might take seven years think of it as if you were trying to purchase a peerage from Tony Blair. Apparently the police have leaked that they are going to question 12 really rich businessmen about the allegations. Yep. Coppers are either really stupid or really really stupid. This one is beginning to irritate me. I don't mind the honest grim dour commissar, thank you commissar you have done an excellent job that will be all. But General there is more I have also discovered. Thank you commissar, that will be all. I understand General it is all in my report. But this for want of a more offensive term, wanker of a DAC well the more he is ignored the better. He thinks he can question who can buy him his wife and his kids ten times over and not miss the money, and they will say what exactly. There is a bit more to detective work than leaking stories to the press. Not sure what that might be, but even as a PR agent this is not convincing. Don't give up the day job whatever that might be.

So on a personal note I have bravely and in quiet desperation overcome both sciatica and the fusing of two of the lower discs in my spine, no I am very brave. It happened after coughing one night well that's all I am saying I don't want to go into details. people tend to say coughing i was told anyway either that or whats the other excuse. Obviously no point seeing a GP, they would either confirm my own diagnosis of chronic increasing pain and ever decreasing mobility until death or more likely say well i can't seem to find anything physically wrong with you have you thought about more counselling that seemed to work with the coughing episodes you used to report (well actually i still get them but there's no point in reporting them coz all you want do to now is order expensive intrusive painful tests coz you can't find anything wrong and look what's happened now i have sciatica and fused spinal column i told you i was ill). No of course not I discovered what was wrong with me while watching House and then Grey's anatomy back to back episode. Luckily once I woke up the symptoms had gone.

Reminds me of the Italian renaissance cures for syphillis; rhubarb, sulphuric acid diluted with rose water inserted via catheter, cauterization of boils, there was one other probably too painful and therefore blocked from memory. Best advice was to go with the rhubarb, none of them actually worked but the rhubarb was the least painful.

compose yourself go

2006-04-13T22:52:00.000Z

So the flight lieutenant surgeon gets 8 months in the stockades but because he wasn't allowed to present any witnesses or evidence he is appealing. His argument is that UK forces are engaged in illegal operations, some we get see on telly reports, so i am not clear why the judge advocate dismissed the claims outwith hearing the evidence. The remainder is that UK forces did not enlist to assist President Bush with his foreign escapades. So he got 8 months in the stockades. It does surprise me when men tell the truth how alone they feel. He has a few friends.

Des Smith was released on police bail after a few hours. They have an undercover newspaper reporter on a sting operation for a witness. Tony Blair is the only man with the authority to advise the Queen on Honours. If there are questions about sale of honours to support government policy you would think he would be questioned by the wanker at the yard, just because it would blight his police career that should hardly be a reason for not questioning the one person who is responsible for the nominations to HM Queen for Honours. Guess they didn't need the full 48 hours to realise they have no evidence. MPs are split, Blair is still alive and kicking and very vindictive.

So i got my four written requests off before last post recorded. First request application to mount demo outwith my own parliament 5th November 2006 which is the 400th anniversary I believe of the original terrorist plot by guy fawkes I mention this because I described my requests as beaurocratic terrorism and since legislation came into effect today making the glorification of terrorism a criminal offence which in no way harms freedom of speech I thought I'd check that one out too with the Commissioner. Second request was for every night midnight from 5/11/2006 to 5/11/2007 same terms. Oh this time i asked for the right to carry a loudspeaker in case of emergencies as provided for in the Serious Organised Crime & Police Act 2005. Third application was authorisation to mount a peaceful demo outwith my own parliament in perpetuity. And the final request was also one for clarification, authorisation to wear anti-government or anti-Blair (Sir Iain or Tony that's the chief doggie of the PM and the US president's poodle) T shirts or badges and to walk outwith fear of arrest outwith my own parliament (i.e. within the 1 mile designated area). I will post responses here. Reminds me I said i should write separately to the Home Sec clarifying his position on peaceful protests against the current sleazy corrupt and unpopular regime. God save the Queen!

The difficult part is over

2006-04-13T17:10:00.000Z

Wow.

You know the story of the Tamila Motown soul star who hears the white boy singing and she tells her friend and they come up with killing me softly with his song, strumming my life with his tears.

Did i not say, when they call themselves beginners.

Had to go back and see it again. It's like a song by Faure.

Go see go ask.

Beautiful

M is now on the sidebar if you want to see her work.

an hour is a long time

2006-04-13T12:19:00.000Z

So choosing between, Inspector Knacker of the Yard has arrested Des Smith, some guy Tony set up to raise fund for his private-public schools system on a pound for pound matching system but with every 3 schools you get a free knighthood and for 5 you get a peerage. Now that clearly isn't selling honours, and you try telling a shop assistant if it really is free then why can't I take the free offer I don't want to purchase a year's supply of winalot chunky chunks. In order to charge one of tony's cronies, you still need what they used to call evidence. Our coppers have got carried away with the whole anti-terrorist legislation and control orders we have the evidence you'll just have to trust us, not that the courts buy that idea either. Oh yeah in order to get the evidence you'll need to get Des Smith to say, it's a fair cop i done the deed you got me bang to rights and i done a lot of uvver stuff too but you won't get me for that neither. And then beat the guy unconscious until he signs the confession. Ah the good old days, Dixon of Dock Green, the blue lamp, sigh. Instead they are just going to have to let him go after 48 hours, because the CPS, incompetent as they appear, wouldn't be so stupid to charge someone who could afford a decent barrister when they don't have a confession which is the only evidence they might get.

And there is the flight lieutenant doctor in the RAF who won't go to war no more or rather refuses to assist the modern nazis (amurkans) in their illegal occupation of iraq. Oh dear oh dear, found guilty in a court martial, those guys don't piss around. I thought the magistrates were right wing hitlers, these guys have unlimited sentencing ability, do you think they will settle for a slap on the wrist and a dishonourable discharge. If you aren't an officer you just end up on the streets. I think there are hundreds of AWOL squaddies on the streets, they have their own courts, so god knows what it's about. Nobody else cares why are you hassling me.

No the lead story is M is working as we speak on the Cover. I have been given permission to publish the negotations so to show that i have some skills i am going to edit them into trailer format, fast paced racy and yet thoughtful, sort of japanese manga film trailer via beat takeshi. Well that was what I was aiming for, what chance did I have.

Oh I am sure there is other more pressing news such as the beginning of world war III but I regret I don't have time to ignore everything so I am just going to ignore some things, editor's discretion wot wot.

The first trial

2006-04-13T08:42:00.000Z

I confess to being a little excited, M has approached me with more details about the book I don't think I had explained that I am the book. A small hurdle to overcome methinks. But it begins. If all goes well, I will soon have a book cover and then I can work on my theme song.

For now it may help to look again at the five criteria and to commit them to heart for sentencing:

The punishment of offenders
The reduction of crime
The reform and rehabilitation of offenders
The protection of the public
The making of reparation by offenders of those affected by their offences

What I will be contending against is the punitive aspects held paramount. Clearly I hold the reform and rehabilitation aspect paramount. Given that where can we compromise. They hardly ever think of the making of reparation, so they might move on that and they don't have to change from their original position. It might be that crime will not be reduced in prison as much as a rehab. Because in prison there will be no regular drug or alcohol testing, in a rehab there will. Not sure how they will respond to the fact that drug taking goes on in prison. Punishment of offenders and protection of the public I can think only if the sentence is suspended it works as a sword of damocles, you get the chance to hone the effect, a sword not a sledgehammer. Some were never going to reoffend, the threat with a suspended sentence keeps some in line, and those who reoffend will be punished twice as it were. Targetted punishments. That's all i got for now. Please feel free be as right wing as you wish, you can't be as right wing as an English Bench.

Quakers and idiots

2006-04-12T16:31:00.000Z

No not the quaker i wike them. The elder was named Cressida. If Joan Baez was an Englishwoman she would be a Quaker elder named Cressida. A couple of bearded men with me I think I fitted in. Silence with a couple of quaking statements which helped focus the silence. And light and shadows. Had to dash off for the Bench and stuff but the stuff never happened.

oh yes the idiots. So would I have been able to convince one of them. We have woman in her thirties looks like an irish traveller, she is an addict who had been working with her GP for some time for help. He was arranging a residential 12 week programme for her. However her brother is taken to hospital they told her he would probably die. So naturally she purchased a bottle of vodka drank it on top of her meds (unspecified) collapsed was taken by ambulance to A&E. The only group of people more despised by A&E staff are people who attempt suicide. A&E staff wonderful though they are, are pretty much without any sensitivity to non-physical complaints, they are like surgeons but outwith the education or intelligence to be surgeons. But like I say they do admirable work, if you are ever in a car crash or taken in with a heart attack or stroke, they know their stuff, i'll not have you knocking them.

So obviously the addict assaults a member of staff and spits on them saying she has AIDS. Because she is an addict well it's a long story. Then she does the same to a security guard so that is common assault X 2. She entered an early guilty plea and has spent 5 weeks in remand before sentencing today. Defence enter into records that during her time on remand she completed a drug and alcohol awareness course and was now clean and sober. (that is not easy to do in prison by the way not in the UK anyway). GP has a report. Defendant submitted a letter written by fellow convicts for her because she is illiterate saying how sorry she was and offering to pay compensation to the staff. She claims she had no knowledge of the events being completely out of it, but when informed stated her remorse. Daughter (15) submitted a letter asking the bench for clemency, as did her partner standing next to me stable non-user who would support her rehabilitation. Defence asked for a suspended sentence conditional on her completing drug programme. Probation had not done an assessment for a Drug Rehabilitation Order they claim because since the court had ruled any sentence a possibility they don't bother unless they say they intend a DRO. They were probably understaffed and busy and she slipped through the net but it's worth checking whether you have to ask them to do one specifically. (problem is she would have to be placed back in remand for them to do a report now and couldn't be sentenced today). But no worries. what do you think they did. The Bench takes assault of front line staff very seriously hence there is no alternative to a custodial sentence 3 months for each assault sentences to run consecutively.

That way everyone gets pissed off. The victims if they are ever told and since she pleaded guilty no need for them to attend they probably won't ever get told, well they would say, but she only has to serve another seven weeks because she has already done 5 on remand.

Seems to me if they had suspended the sentence for one year on condition that she completed a 12 week residential programme she would have to do the equivalent of a six months sentence only it would be a lot harder work. If she failed she could still do the time in prison to encourage her not to drop out. And she could be ordered to pay weekly the maximum she could afford for six months, even if it were 10 squid a week that's a fiver a week for six months to her victims to say she is sorry. (it would go via the court). An addict commits a crime and they punish a sober person. it doesn't make any sense.

It's still up to her. But I have known a woman go into prison an alcoholic and come out a heroin addict. Another day on the reality of prisons perhaps. But on other more ridiculous news. Remember how our courts can find Government legislation incompatible with the European Convention on Human Rights. They did it again today. The Government put some secret police order on a citizen this time, they haven't charged him or offered him a fair trial as soon as possible, so the judge set up to review the case says he thinks the law used is incompatible with our human rights, but he can't overturn the Queen in Parliament, he can point out what her ministers are doing in her name is barbaric and worthy of a banana republic. Now they are supposed to feel embarrassment and change the law. or put the man on trial and then hang him, like the old days.

M

2006-04-12T07:40:00.000Z

apparently the greatest respect a quaker offers is not to give you a title, someting about each person is God so it is disrespectful to limit them. So M i found via Larry's page who came to visit Amber. but she needs no introduction.

She writes.

Lives among the Inuit and writes.

She says she is a beginner at Cover designing, you know how books get covers, and you aren't supposed to judge a book by them, unless you are a publisher or otherwise involved in book sales.

Bit like saying you are a beginner in meditation. or an enquirer into the truth. when you don't honour people with titles the pecking order gets reversed, come higher friend. wouldn't dream of suggesting god speaks through her, but you don't get peacocks saying i am new to this sort of thing, don't really do it that often, but it's all part of the fan snapping, shy dance, never attack a wandering Inuit maiden who appears lost in the snow drifts because clearly you are the one wandering and lost she is in her element and not even God protects a complete idiot, fools on the other hand.

I am also a book and so I invited M to visit and in time she may come and design a cover for me.

I know. impressive. how did you organise that desie?

how does a complete imbecile get to achieve anyting in life; ask sometimes all you have to do is to ask.

she had done twelve and they look like a quilt cover, the patchwork quilts that quakers used to make to draw down history.

but where is the infamous quaker enquirer hospitality, you are most welcome M, sit sit sit, come and go when you will, there is no key, the place is never locked, apart from when it disappears into the dark matter of the interverse but i don't look into things like that no more, not since the last time, oooh eeerr

don't mind the puffins they always look like that

This i gotta see

2006-04-11T10:12:00.000Z

No one is dressed differently, no rings, no ceremony, mainly silence then at some point a couple stand and say, Friends, I take my friend, they say their name, to be my spouse, promising, with divine assistance, to be unto her/ him (either works very laid back the quakers) a loving and faithful spouse so long as we both on earth shall live. They got an exemption from the 1949 Marriage Act. It may sound the way old people should marry but I is old people now. What are the chances that you could marry with that little hassle, no expense, fracking romantic though. Not sure if they do divorce mind, I'll find out for ya.

But then Pwince Charles got an exemption from the 1989 marriage act, we think. Nobody's business for now.

But I'd be tempted to challenge the validity of the succession technically the PM declares war by royal prerogative but if the Queen were to die, we'd have a usurper on the throne, and the PM wouldn't have the right to declare war. Of course when it comes to UK forces fighting foreign wars of adventure, it's far more important whom the Amurkans elect.

Quaking fwends

2006-04-10T20:56:00.000Z

So they meet wednesdays and sundays for an hour in silence. I'll let you know.

last day at local court

2006-04-10T13:18:00.000Z

So the case had been adjourned in total 11 times before no one seemed to know why, same old same old. The prosecution was asking for a half hour adjournment because the case had been bumped up unexpectedly because another one had been adjourned so he didn't know if he could get all the witnesses. Half an hour later he asked for another half an hour because he wasn't sure of one witness about whom conflicting tales were told and if she didn't come the two police witnesses would not be needed. I came late to that but it turned out she wasn't coming, the case was collapsing it now rested on a common assault charge. The first witness was an arabic speaker who had an Italian interpreter because her english she said wasn't good enough. For an hour had to listen basically to a repetition of the CPS outline, a common assualt on this day one year ago by her brother-in-law. By the time it got to the defence to cross, he spent an hour on documents purportedly signed in Italy. But as he asked questions which were translated into Italian then the witness gave an incredibly long answer about another matter by the time it returned to him unaswered he just asked another question. It was clear that the defence barrister had been sapped of the will to live. But as a strategy I think it was going to work. There wasn't a case to answer. I never found out the ending as after recess the case was transferred to another court for the remainder. The family needed family therapy, case was about families and money and property. Family therapy would in this case have been cheaper and quicker.

Just one other note from the other court where I nipped in during adjournments. A man who could not possibly get more than 30 days in prison if found guilty was being placed in remand till the end of May which I make about 46 days. When the defence Counsel reminded the bench that it didn't seem just for the defendant to serve a sentence longer than that he could expect were he to be found guilty and could he not arrange a trial date within the next two weeks if he insisted on remanding the defendant in gaol the bench retorted with a nonsensical of course justice delayed in justice denied but your client has brought this upon himself. He was funny but pompous and very very stupid. What was the point in having a trial if the defendant was already going to be punished more than the maximum sentence regardless of the verdict of the trial end of May. Is that too difficult a concept to grasp. He is a bad person I get that, but it doesn't make much sense. Why bother with the trial at all.

Ok now I'll need something to waste my time on while my application is processed. I can believe it will take up to a year considering the incompetence and inefficiency in the system I have witnessed daily. It would be a relief not to be selected and having lost the pressure to succeed I look forward to the entire process.

This weekend at the Abbey

2006-04-08T19:50:00.000Z

It was only a matter of time I guess. A sex scandal has come to Ealing Abbey. Two monks are implicated for now. One lost a civil case for an assault committed in the 1990s, the criminal case was dropped due to insufficient evidence. The second monk is expected to be charged with indecent assault the crime having been committed in 1980s. I knew them both. And I should have said I knew them both fairly well. One was unlikeable, the other had his detractors, including my mother, but I thought him a priest forever like melchizedek of old. The sad thing for me, is that news of the scandal so close to home, about people I know quite well, whom I have known for most of my life, does not surprise me. I remember telling a priest I admired that I felt it was sad that if for example he was ever implicated in a scandal involving the abuse of the vulnerable, although I loved him, it would not surprise me, and it's sad that it would not. And he agreed that it was sad.

Thank God I am a Quaker then and this has nothing to do with me.

There is a question on the form to become a magistrate which states do you know of anything in your past that might cause the magistracy to fall into disrepute. The pomposity of the magistracy irritates. It's like applying to be a senior clerk in a large bank and on interview being told that this is an ancient and illustrious calling, that you will be entrusted with the finances of very important people and therefore it is not something to be undertaken lightly.

The response of the Abbot had been to write a letter explaining what had happened I had assumed it would be read out at first mass of Sunday today but it was not, my mother went. Holy week begins so they will go into retreat. Also last week they made a request for money to be paid directly to the monks rather than for the parish. I wonder how angry ordinary catholics will be, those that remain loyal, the old, the irish, the poles, or will they like the amurkans just say this stuff goes on all the time and suck it up and carry on as normal.

This is the age of the Ronin.

if you have any ideas for the application form

2006-04-08T10:23:00.000Z

I have to refer to the six qualities from the post below in my application form. I am on the second draft having got rid of the rude bits. I am really good at kicking doors down and getting thrown out of the window by security, it has never achieved much and always been the ground floor window, but I am told I could probably maybe even be effective if I learnt to work with others more. Plus the back can't cope with even ground floor evictions. Plus I really never learnt how to fill in forms properly. So if you have any ideas feel free, if not it's the process. If it sounds like I have sold out let me know. It's only a lay magistrate post.

Only two sections that allow waffle
Why do you want to become a Magistrate.
In terms of social awareness I see magistracy as part
of the process of the preservation of democracy
through continous reform and renewal. The original
keepers of the King's peace were counterbalanced by
the nobles who forced the King to sign the Magna
Carta. The Whig Government one hundred years ago
challenged Conservative dominance of the magistracy by
removing the property qualification. Women challenged
the norm of universal male suffrage first by seeking
and obtaining the right to become lay magistrates
several years before they gained the right to vote. I
hope to nurture the evolution of the selection of lay
magistrates at least to that of the more responsible
work of Crown Court Juries.

In terms of commitment and reliability I would be
willing to offer at least two to three sittings per
month as well as some evenings and weekends for
training and auxiliary work, and I would see it as a
foundation to democracy and political activity.

Having left religious life this would fill the gap. I
am at heart attracted by the desire to defend the
children of the poor and uphold the cause of him who
hath no helper. When required to sentence the
wrongdoer I would look carefully at sentencing
criteria such as the desire to rehabilitate. Since men
are receving twice the convictions and three times the
punishment based on the colour of their skin then
perhaps there needs to be more work done on the
recognition of and controlling of prejudices as
inherent qualities of a magistrate. It is a helpful
start to accept that every magistrate comes with their
own prejudices.

I would resist the temptation to pomposity
and corruption that comes with even petty power, I
would align myself with others who view the service in
that way and challenge openly and sensitively those
who act otherwise. If there is a desire for our
democracy to become more widely shared and for the
rule of law to be borne by all, then the modern style
of informality should be pursued, respect for the
bench will derive then from its fairness. There is a
tension between the Coeur de lion's King's men and the
Whig Government's Commoners and I side with the
commoners in loyal opposition to the pre-magna carta
peace keepers.

I do not underestimate the concentration and effort
required to listen to a whole day's argument from
verbose lawyers, to tease out the relevant data and
weigh up the arguments with colleagues, but often the
matters either involve large sums of money or have a
direct impact on local communities, and I believe it
would be inherently satisfying to have given the
matter its due attention. This kind of work I feel I
could do with honour.

The other waffle section also bearing in mind the six qualities is.
What particular qualities do you think you will bring to the magistracy
In terms of sound judgement my academic studies
provide a good foundation for sorting the wheat from
the chaff in legal debate. Previous am-dram experience
from my school days is also a good preparation for
viewing the display of lawyers in court. It was certainly interesting watching them de-role while the bench retires for discussion

Counselling skills courses help me a little with the understanding
and communication skills needed for coming to group
decisions, if only in realising the genuine difficulties that occur when trying to reach an agreement coming from different starting positions.

For the quality of maturity and sound temperament I
feel I could bring my experience of working with
addicts and the homeless and the treatment of
addiction within the criminal justice system to
discussion on the bench especially when trying to understand motivation and appropriate sentencing.

In terms of good character I would aim to bring
straightforwardness, grounded lack of pretentiousness
and humility to the field, because the law is for all.

By a willingess to be circumspect in private working
and public life I assume that no one will know that I
am a lay magistrate unless they see me on duty. I appreciate the importance of confidentiality from my time working as a Counsellor.

Also have one eye on a complaint. Or maybe I just wrote the whole thing perfectly.

the six qualities

2006-04-06T17:06:00.000Z

good character: personal integrity and the respect and trust of others.
understanding and communication: to be able to understand documents, identify relevant facts, follow evidence and communicate effectively.
Social awareness: to appreciate and accept the rule of law.
Maturity and sound temperament: an awareness and understanding of people and a sense of fairness.
Sound judgement,: to be able to think logically, weigh arguments and reach a sound decision.
Commitment and reliability: committed to serving the community and making the necessary time commitment, willing to undergo training, and in sufficiently good health to undertake your duties on a regular basis.

No where does it mention a man's gib or how it might be cut, or whether the Lord Chancellor or now the Minister for Constitutional Affairs liketh or liketh not the cut of said gib. Regardless I think my gib was cut appropriately with regard to the prevailing trade winds and respect for maritime law; little do they know that they are dealing with a person who came as close as you can get to graduating from The Royal Greenwich Royal Naval Academy with a Master's outwith actually graduating or attending the Naval Academy.

I most certainly do intend to defend the children of the poor and uphold the cause of them who hast no 'elper, undaunted by fear of threat, uninfluenced by promise of favour, unswayed by humourous affection or corrupted with undue ill will in my dealings with all manner of people so to maintain the Queen's peace striving unto the perfection of charity. Please delete all those which don't apply. My brother says i won't make it past the first interview even with the whole black sections new labour quota system well maybe with that but I'll enjoy the appeals process I do so like to complain.

Playing God

2006-04-06T14:36:00.000Z

When watching the seduction of power, at the pettiest level, well reminds me why i admire puffins. So the players know it's a game, as soon as the bench rises, and we have risen they talk frankly. Oh so do you miss the cut and thrust of defence work. No it's pretty much the same. Don't worry the Chair is being a little odd because it's her assessment day so she has to appear to be considerate of every circumstance.

Before leaving I chatted to security a Commissaire, he was telling me how the Bench recently put in a formal complaint against one of the court's admin staff because when she handed in paperwork they had already been kept waiting for, she had not changed into proper shoes but was still wearing trainers. I noticed in the gallery the a Commissaire demanding that the yute next to me remove his baseball cap. The pomposity is infectious.

How would I react. I am sure the temptation to grow into the role would be subtle and pervasive. People don't show respect any more. They don't really know their place. From my youth I was taught to stand when someone entered the room, especially a lady, so standing for the bench seems a simple courtesy. But for them it is about Lording it over others.

There was the odd case of the yute with Russian Driving licence who had lived in London since he was 15. No one knew how he got a Russian Driving licence if he was resident here. No one knew what work he did. He received no state benefits. He was given an allowance of 150 pounds per week from his parents. None of this seemed relevant to the actual charges of driving outwith a UK licence or insurance. He was fined ordered to pay within 28 days. He had previously failed to attend a summons he claimed because he was unsure of the date. The temptation to say these people are just taking the piss and throw the book at them. The temptation to forget it's a game and we all have our roles to play.

The criminal damage charge of your next man seemed just sad. He is an unemployed graffiti tag artist (i think that means no actual skill they do that unique scrawl thing). What the fuck do you do to people like that. He has two kids living with different mothers on the south coast whom he visits when he can. He is a waste of space but do we really want to imprison him at 3000 squid a week because community service scraping the mess off isn't done or doesn't work? What sodding life is he supposed to have. And how does he become a fucking stakeholder in Tony's new democracy.

Plus bless, I don't think he did it. He was sitting next to someone who was doing graffiti, it wasn't his tag, the only evidence against him is circumstantial. In the past he has always pleaded guilty. Even when his solicitor told him magistrates won't believe you, you will get a lot less if you plead guilty now, he insisted on his innocence because he didn't do this one. Off duty copper claims he saw him throw a yellow marker from the top of a double decker at half an hour past midnight. There won't be any SOCO fingerprints stuff, the marker was chalk not permanent ink, and there won't be any attempt to match it to the crimescene. Presumably LT will have cleaned it up by now.

The point is it gets taken so seriously. The CPS wanted him again place on remand in prison for seven weeks till the crown court can hear the evidence. If found guilty he will spend more than six months in prison. But today the chair was being assessed so he was put on a curfew banned from public transport. I don't think he has done anything but no one is going to scream about his civil liberties. He thanked the court for not placing him on remand and checked that he could see his son if he got a lift via private transport.

I am troubled by the JP appointments thing. I should be eligible but I should also be incredibly offended if they didn't realise I don't belong on a Bench with the rest of them.

To defend the children of the poor

2006-04-05T13:22:00.000Z

So I sashayed over to the local Magistrates' court. Court no 2 is for quickies, Court 1 one trial a day. As I was late I tried Court no 2. Some of it is formulaic. Drunk driving so they look up a chart, based on how much over the limit he was, speed of driving and they look along the chart to see what sentence to give. Your man pleaded guilty so there is an automatic drop in sentencing and he agreed to complete a drunk driving intervention course 18 hours which reduced the driving licence ban by 25% on successful completion. I saw three cases all together, the other two the CPS were very poorly prepared in comparison with the defence counsels, they didn't have the necessary paperwork, so the cases were adjourned till they could find them. I had heard that wasn't unusual. Both defence counsels I found quite persuasive.

The toughest case was just about bail, it was currently common assault, but it got complicated, domestic violence, plus there seem to be lists for everything these days the accused was already on a profligate offenders list. Only two on the bench there was a split decision so the case was to be reheard by a different bench of odd numbers in the afternoon. It was quite sad. The defendant spoke I thought quite honestly asking I guess for a fair hearing.

I would not have remanded him on bail but I could see both women's groups and right wingers wanting him banged up till the trial date. When I heard the victim statement, and the victim refused to attend court, it was harrowing, quite scary. I heard the man speak asking not to be placed on remand not to be judged on his past record asking for the chance yeah that's it, I have seen men like him in rehab, and I believe in the myth of the snow leopard, the leopard who has lost its spots. Auntie Beeb went to the Himalayas and filmed some snow leopards recently, they haven't lost their spots mind. That and in three months if we carry on with the same custodial sentences the overflow will have to be placed in police cells. And the prosecution did not provide any evidence other than suggesting that they might do so in the future. When they do then consider remanding the man. But the bench was split. I would have expected them to show no compassion. I wonder what the next three will do. I'll definitely apply to be a lay magistrate, a maverick eccentric radical lay magistrate. With odd numbers they can always overrule, when it's split we win one for the children of the poor, having said that the children of the poor seem to commit crimes mainly against other children of the poor.

A Keeper of the Queen's Peace

2006-04-04T13:10:00.000Z

I know wot you are tinking. Only right wing b'stard white male professionals with a god complex put themselves up for Keeping the Queen's Peace. Not so. Not so. There are as many women white male professionals as there are men ones, and an increasing number of black women white male professionals. And my papa tol me if you don ask you don get. the key to this venture is preparation. The law of the five Ps. Persistent preparation prevents piss-poor performance. The first step is to observe a local peace keeping court in action. No point putting oneself forward for the job of lion tamer only to find out that lions aren't the cute small furry things with long fluffy ears and squidgy tails. Many an accountant hath come to a bitter end that way, therein lies a path to well you know. I am expecting to be bored out of my mind for a few hours by pompous ill-prepared bullies about trivia, bit like hearing the sacrament of reconciliation only more so. And I am thinking it will go on for at least three hours a time most of the time involving delays, deferrals and beating around the bushes. And I expect even though I don't believe you have to be a right wing white male professional b'stard to apply that everyone preceding me did and so I will be in the presence of american christian evangelical types. If you can't beat 'em wot wot. The whole process should take a year to eighteen months, I'll try have someone gwown up look at my application form when the time comes in case I slip in some unnecessary honesty that self-sabotages before I get a chance to pull up the landing gear and do the vertical take-off thing that is it the Typhoon (something like that the new really amazing horse/stallion ride thingee they got to replace the Tornado. Apart from a possible disagreement about disability and disease I think I should make it past the screening. When they say Freemasons, they don't mean Freemason-like occult orders inspired by the Hellfire Club and Yeats and 19th century orientalism they mean the trouser lifting police officer types for shizzle ma nizzle as it were wot wot no yes hmmm.

IT IS NOT A VIOLATION OF THE MINISTERIAL CODE TO JOIN THE MILE HIGH CLUB WITH THE AMERICAN SECRETARY OF STATE

2006-04-04T11:24:00.000Z

And in any event all that happened was they had a tiring few days together working on high level government and foreign affairs matters, from Blackburn to Baghdad, and so on the way back, they may have eaten together shock horror, yes they do have to eat sometimes, and maybe for medicinal purposes to ease digestion they might have had a few drinks of alcohol, none of this is illegal, nor is it against the law, and yes Jack Straw is a happily married man, that is why he can be trusted. So it's getting late, they are on an executive jet, well ok the American Sec of State's executive jet, and she being the lady that she is offers our Jack her bed for the night. Seems perfectly reasonable and I repeat it's nobody else's bi'ness, and can we have less of the, fill your boots up Jack, go on my son.

You might ask why did he tell his wife, but if you are a sad ugly old git with no personality and only got the job because the better man had a conscience and then died, you get one chance to brag, and what would have been the point if you can't brag. I hope she gets a knighthood out of this, it would be the least he could do her for.

Link on Designated Areas

2006-04-02T08:45:00.000Z

In a formal question and answer whether walking around the square mile in Westminster wearing a political badge with a motto constituted a demonstration the Home Office was, It is a matter for the courts to determine what constitutes a demonstration, which presumably means you can be arrested but only by a real police officer not one of the Community Support Officers because it carries a less than one year (51 weeks) sentence and is not an arrestable offence. They wouldn't then have to charge you after holding you for the two days, and only if they did and it went to trial would the matter be resolved further. Correct me if I am wrong by all means.
Map of the square mile exclusion zone around the House
Does remind me of yesterday's visit by Condo Rice to Blackburn. Having been barred from visiting the Mosque (not sure if that was a mosque publicity stunt or the coppers thought it might get nasty or both) and having visited the munitions factory for the war on islam the protesters at one point were pushed back by mounted and riot police half a mile away from the visiting dignitary. Straw commented that there were as many supporters as demonstrators, well it was Blackburn people were grateful a foreigner had heard of them, can't hurt the local economy, and it's a chance to see what an african american looks like in the flesh. But as much as every politician goes on about the wonders of democracy that allow people to protest and won't it be wonderful when this comes to Tehran, you still won't allow them to come close and protest, you still have them arrested and handcuffed for heckling, and if this world wasn't completely built on lies, then the incongruence between political words and deeds would seem odd.

Or as that two faced incompetent shithead of a DAC who apparently was also responsible for allowing that slimy butler steal personal documents belonging to Lady Diana because he so fucked up the investigation because he hadn't a clue how to approach palace staff, where was I, oh yeah his non-investigation whitewash oh the boy must really want to be Chief Constable and a knight and a peer you sad pathetic git, well his investigation is going to say presumambly no worries, the Labour party aren't as corrupt as the Conservative party so you see there is nothing more to be done. I tink that's related to my being grateful I don't live in a third world country where there are no freedoms and the elections are rigged, or a third world country where the elections aren't rigged but undemocratic people are elected.

I think that's what the Condee was saying and our DAC, it could be worse you could be living under Thatcher or an Ayatollah.

They come here and murder, then they say they are sorry, I hate them

2006-03-30T18:07:00.000Z

Imam aged 10, the little town of Haditha

the plot fickens

2006-03-30T17:03:00.000Z

So the chase is afoot, Inspector Events aka Helen Preece has passed the baton of democratic change through beaurocratic terrorism to the relevant department. I shall post the next episode assuming she didn't mean the special department that trains in the secret room in the secret corridor that no one ever sees full of men and lithe women in black ninja outfits abseiling down on ropes for those specials missions, then again she could have meant the IT department.

I have passed this to the relevant department.
> Helen Preece
> Inspector Events
> Charing Cross Police Station
> * Phone: 020 7321 7524
> * Metphone: 47524
> * Fax: 020 7321 7527 (47527)
> * E-mail: helen.preece@met.police.uk

-----Original Message-----
From: Des Coutinho [mailto:descoutinho@yahoo.co.uk]
Sent: 30 March 2006 16:05
To: Preece Helen M - Westminster(CX)

Subject: thank you for your response Form 3175A and one more complaint

Dear Helen, (please forward to Superintendent Terry)

Thank you very much for your swift response I shall be
posting it on my weblog. Teach a wise man and he
becomes yet wiser, only fools never learn.

I also demand that you consider my concerns regarding
the institutionalised or if you prefer unwitting
racism in the bowlderizing programme the Met currently
uses for blocking feedback. The programme rather
abruptly and in a very patronising manner rejects
emails for unspecified reasons (unspecified that is
beyond unacceptable language, or inappropriate
material) and then asks that the sender rephrases
before it will be considered.

It seems to me that this is at best unwitting racism
and discriminates against angry working class black
men. Furthermore it is provocative in seeming to
demand that an outraged victim conform to some
arbitrary standard of English as practised by old dead
white men. It's proximal effect would be to enrage and
further alienate an already alienated group. So unless
that is your intention.

May I ask with whom the Met consulted before
determining to use this draconian measure, for example
internal organisations like those of Black Police
Officers or were there some respected community or BME
groups. It is pointless to take up a motto like
working together for a safer london if you have no
intention of working together with all the groups
within London, and with all the dialects of English
currently in usage here.

My original email was blocked completed merely because
I used the american english phrase involving bowel
movements, which had the import that I write in all
sincerity, obviously if I repeat the phrase this email
will also be blocked.

Can you please let me know whether you accept this
criticism also.

I shall be applying for another demonstration day
taking your comments into consideration, as many of
the questions do not have legal force I shall not be
answering them.

Thank you for your time, it is a pity Tony Blair felt
this was a matter that should concern you.

Desie Coutinho

So we had full and frank discussions but we haven't come to any agreement yet no

2006-03-30T15:34:00.000Z

I subsequently wrote about the whole institutionalized unwitting racist thing. our bobbies are awfully polite aren't they.

Dear Mr Coutinho,

Thank you for you interest.

We accept that completion the form 3175A is not a legal requirement.
This document is used to enable us to provide an appropriate
and proportionate police response to each event.

In relation to the Loudspeaker we will look in to the
phrasing of the entry.

Helen Preece
Inspector Events
Charing Cross Police Station
Phone: 020 7321 7524
Metphone: 47524
Fax: 020 7321 7527 (47527)
E-mail: helen.preece@met.police.uk

On behalf of Superintendent Peter Terry

-----Original Message-----
From: Des Coutinho [mailto:descoutinho@yahoo.co.uk]
Sent: 29 March 2006 17:10
To: Operations - CX
Subject: retrying message you need to take another look at the
bowlderizing programme in place if you wish to be accountable to the
public else I will go with this directly to the Metropolitan Police
Association your direct employers

For the attention of Superintendant Peter Terry CX
Police Station, Agar Street, London WC2N 4DH

First thank you Superintendant for your authorisation
to demonstrate on April's Fool Day in compliance with
the Serious Organised Crime & Police Act 2005. your
refe 218.2006 dated 27 March 2006. I am not French,
the beaurocratic correspondence is the demonstration.

I have posted an open letter complaining about the
poor drafting of your own Form 3175A and given that
we are according to your motto Working Together for a
safer London I hope you will take my criticisms on
board so that you can comply with the intentions of
Parliament, and not just investigate Parliament for
its abuses of the Law.

In addition to the syntax error on Form 3175A it
currently reads Application for Demonstration (then in
reduced font)
Within The Serious Organised Crime & Police Act
Designated Area.
It should read Application for Demonstration within a
Designated Area, The Serious Organised Crime & Police
Act 2005

The following require amendments if you wish to remain
within the law, I assume that is your wish.

First the things you have got right from the Act. You
may legitimately ask:

(a) the date and time when the demonstration is to
start,
(b) the place where it is to be carried on
(c) how long it is to last,
Now these three questions are asked in paragraph 3. of
the 3175A form under Details of Event. However there
is some impertinence in the form.

You have added questions to garner information which
it was never the intention of Parliament to burden the
citizenry with. Certainly you are perfectly entitled
to ask any other questions your hearts desire, but it
is not a requirement of the HM Subjects to answer
them. Perhaps you could make it clear as was done with
the police caution of old which questions require to
be answered by the Act of Parliament and which
questions were added later by whoever drew up the Form
3175A outwith the requirements of the law.

Some are innocuous enough
s3 Reason for event, A fair enough question, but
Parliament does not care what the purpose of the
demonstration was, Parliament makes no value judgement
on whether some demonstrations are more valent than
others, it has decided to limit all demonstrations at
designated areas outwith passion or prejudice, so it
is irrelevant what the reason for the event might be.
Or are you incorporating other laws' requirements into
this form as well for example race relations act, if
so why?

s3 Any advance publicity yes no (one or the other) if
yes please attach copy
It was not the intention of parliament either to
burden the police with the duty of vetting advertising
material nor was it the intention of parliament to
burden HM subjects with more beaurocratic forms that
no one actually reads, (well no one is going to admit
to the latter). On whose authority do you seek this
information?

s3 Petitions to be delivered yes or no if yes
locations times.
The law applis to demonstrations that are static, if
we start moving around it now switches to the
regulations of the Public Order Act 1986. If you could
clarify why you ask this question it would be
appreciated. I am asking as a loyal subject wishing to
inform other subjects of their rights and
responsibilities (working together etc) or I am asking
as a troublemaker, would it make a difference to your
answer?

s3 Meetings beind held before or after the event
Locations.
What business is it of yours to inquire whether people
have meetings before or after the event and to
ascertain what these locations might be. Are you
suggesting it is against the law to have sub rosa
meetings or are you exempting secret meetings from
this question?
I refer you to the same point made before it was not
the intention of etc etc.

The following I have no problem with I assume no one
else would either:
s3 Number of participants in demonstration
(Applicant's estimate) i think that is covered by (d)
below from the aforementioned Act.
(d) whether it is to be carried on by a person by
himself or not,

(e) the name and address of the person giving the
notice.
This is the information requested in s1 titled
Applicant.

s 2 Organisation i think is a reasonable inference of
the intentions of parliament.

Paragraph 4 Dates for meetings (dates organiser
available for meetings with police) is actually quite
an hospitable offer and a reasonable inference of the
intentions of parliament. Do you provide shortbread?

On to additional requirements from the Commissioner
which you outline again in your authorisation letter
to me ref 218/2006
Although you state that you do not wish to impose
conditions on my demonstration I find it odd that you
do not ask the questions in the form 3175A regarding
the conditions you are allowed to impose i.e
(e) the number and size of banners or placards used,
(f) maximum permissible noise levels.
Why haven't you asked these questions? Why have you
asked questions Parliament did not specifically give
you any rights to ask?

One final observation you misinform the public in your
emboldened statement (again in Form 3175A just above
s1 Applicant

Applicants are advised that under s137 of the Act the
use of a loudspeaker of any description at any time
within the designated area is prohibited.

I think you will find if you refer to the Serious
Organised Crime & Police Act that is merely subsection
(1) of s137

Subsection (2) clearly states that subsection (1) does
not apply the the operation of a loudspeaker for
example
in case of emergency clause a subsection 2 s137
if i wished to communicate with a persons travelling
on a vessel for example under Westminster Bridge for
the purpose of their avoiding a collision because they
started to wonder what my demonstration was about
clause e subsection 2 s137
In fact in the very next application I make I shall
seek to gain your assurances that I will not be
troubled by overzealous officers while carrying a
megaphone for any of the purposes I have outlined I
therefore hope you will modify your form 3175A
accordingly.

Finally if the loudspeaker were attached to a vehicle
and i was using it for the purposes of entertaining
the driver or passenger which I think you'll find is
contained within clause g subsection 2 s137 when
subsection 3 kicks in which i quote in full in case
you think i am (word deleted to bypass your
bowlderizing programme) you about this.

(3) This subsection applies if the loudspeaker
referred to in subsection (2)(g)-
(a) is operated solely for the entertainment of or for
communicating with the driver or a passenger of the
vehicle (or, if the loudspeaker is or forms part of
the horn or similar warning instrument of the vehicle,
solely for giving warning to other traffic), and
(b) is so operated as not to give reasonable cause for
annoyance to persons in the vicinity.

There are other numerous more specialised exceptions
to the blanket ban you suggest exists on the use of
loudspeakers of any description but the above
mentioned seem the most likely reasons someone who
hasn't bribed the PM for a peerage might wish to avail
themselves with.

Finally something for the senior police officer in
attendance at demonstrations outside Parliament to
consider as his duty as a loyal subject to the Crown,
The Serious Organised Crime & Police Act grants the
senior police officer in attendance to impose
conditions on participants in demos if clause b there
is a hindrance to the proper operation of Parliament.
Given that it is a de facto a hindrance to the proper
operation of the Queen in Parliament to add this level
of beaurocratic control to legitimate demonstration
outwith the Houses of Parliament would the senior
police officer in attendance impose the condition of
carrying me on his shoulders while ordering all other
officers to applaud.

yours sincerely

Desmond Coutinho

You may respond by email. I will be posting a copy of
your response on my weblog. I would prefer you did not
telephone as I explained to Constable Mcinally already
I don't have the recording equipment to hand that the
Commissioner does although they would make an
entertaining and informative MP3 file worthy of the
BBC.

___________________________________________________________
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gives you 1GB!
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Investigation into Government Corruption?

2006-03-29T16:16:00.000Z

Ok i am a little pissed off with Constable Knacker of the Yard, I did get my authorisation to demonstrate, I Superintendent Peter Terry, give authority under s 134 Serious Organised Crime and Police Act 2005 for your demonstration to proceed on Saturday 1 April 2006, from 1000 hours until 1700 hrs, on the footway at Parliament Square SWI. I do not intend to impose any conditions on your event in the event that etc.

So I use the email provided to forward my concerns about the Form 3175A as you might expect and what happens.

MPS automated content monitoring gateway has
stopped the following e-mail for the following reason:

It believes it may contain unacceptable language, or
inappropriate material.

Message: BA01470840.00000001.mml
From: descoutinho@yahoo.co.uk
To: Operations-cx@met.police.uk
Subject: Discrepancies between Form 3165A and the Serious Organised
Crime & Police Act 2005, please amend

Please clean-up or re-phrase the message and send it again.

Fine the only word I had left in which might be upsetting the bowlderizing programme is shitting as in the phrase in case you think i am shitting you about this. I have tried again removing that word and adding the complaint that the bowlderizing programme is too extreme.

In fact I think it is totally insensitive to my cultural sensitivities. In fact I think when I complain to the employers of the Met I shall mention again that they don't seem to have taken on board the suggestions of the Macphersons report, (they will love that one).

Or doesn't the Met wish to hear complaints from angry young working class black men. Let's see if shitting was the word that caused the feedback not to register at all. Wow who knew that a training in the hypocrisy of religious life would be such a good preparation for beaurocratic terrorism.

So the main news we have three agencies purportedly investigating MPs from all parties about corruption. The Met itself a DAC dick tracy of the Yard (DAC is quite senior, the equivalent of a senior clerk in a large bank). Unfortunately if the DAC wants to make commissioner or get a peerage then he relies on the people he is investigating for promotion. You never know there might be one honest copper who made it to DAC by dogged police honest coppering. Hmmm.

So anyway the other group is a group of MPs the Select Committee on Public some long name. Now they apparently have agreed to delay their investigation until after easter when hopefully no one will care anymore. Why? Because although an investigation is not now sub judice as no one has been charged. The police have advised them that were an MP to answer questions which incriminated them, they might escape prosecution as a judge could rule that their self-incrimination prejudiced a fair trial. Oddly enough this defence works both ways. It stops the investigation. But if one happens MPs can decline to answer any questions whatsoever on the advice of counsel routine that played so well for that yankee colonel, you have to pretend to cry a bit and want to testify but. Ok so the third group is the Electoral Commission, who got up their arses, who claim that they can sub poena MPs from all parties to come clean on the loan scandals.

I don't see Tony phased or anyone rushing back to testify, or any MPs assisting the Police with their inquiries. Now this is very British, a bruhaha over nothing. You only get annoyed if you think that something should come of this, other than a few more knighthoods and some peerages for those who shout the loudest now.

Personally I am saying nothing more I still have high hopes for the mass sales of the Knight Bannerers, Tony hasn't actually said no to the idea, so it's still a possibility. And as Tessa never said no to becoming the first High Commissioner for indulgences, I think we can take her silence as consent. All going pretty well for now I guess.

Dear Constable Mcinally

2006-03-27T10:10:00.000Z

In addition to the syntax error on Form 3175A it has come to my attention that the form does not comply with the intentions of the Queen in Parliament I hope you will attend to its rectification with godspeed.

These are the actual requirements of the Serious Organised Crime & Police Act 2005.

(a) the date and time when the demonstration is to start,
(b) the place where it is to be carried on
(c) how long it is to last,
Now these three questions are asked in paragraph 3. of the 3175A form under Details of Event. However there is some impertinence in the form. You have added questions to garner information which it was never the intention of Parliament to burden the citizenry with. Certainly you are perfectly entitled to ask any other questions your hearts desire, but it is not a requirement of the HM Subjects to answer them.

Some are innocuous enough
Reason for event, begging the question of a demonstration really. I should have thought that if the demonstrators failed to demonstrate what they were demonstrating, then de facto there was no demonstration in which case what is the purpose of the demonstration. A fair enough question, but Parliament does not care what the purpose of the demonstration was, Parliament makes no value judgement on whether some demonstrations are more valent than others, it has decided to limit all demonstrations at designated areas outwith passion or prejudice, so it is irrelevant what the reason for the event might be.
Any advance publicity yes no (one or the other) if yes please attach copy
Again it would be a terrible failure on the part of the publicizers, the advertisers if you hadn't gotten a copy of the adverts before the event. But it was not the intention of parliament either to burden the police with the duty of vetting advertising material nor was it the intention of parliament to burden HM subjects with more beaurocratic forms that no one actually reads, (well no one is going to admit to the latter).
Petitions to be delivered yes or no if yes locations times. Now this is getting silly Constable Mcinally. You quite specifically told me that demonstrations are static, if we start moving around it now switches to the regulations of the Public Order Act 1986. Same point as before it was never the intention of.

Meetings beind held before or after the event Locations. I have one different question on this one. Does this apply to secret meetings? I am assuming also that secret locations are also exempt from this request for information. I refer you to the same point made before it was not the intention of etc etc.

Number of participants in demonstration (Applicant's estimate) i think that is covered by (d) below from the aforementioned Act.
(d) whether it is to be carried on by a person by himself or not,

(e) the name and address of the person giving the notice.
This is the information requested in paragraph 1 titled Applicant.

Paragraph 2 Organisation i think is a reasonable inference of the intentions of parliament.

Paragraph 4 Dates for meetings (dates organiser available for meetings with police) is actually quite an hospitable offer and a reasonable inference of the intentions of parliament. Do you provide shortbread?

On to additional requirements from the Commissioner for the following:
(3) In giving authorisation, the Commissioner may impose on the persons organising or taking part in the demonstration such conditions specified in the authorisation and relating to the demonstration as in the Commissioner's reasonable opinion are necessary for the purpose of preventing any of the following-

(a) hindrance to any person wishing to enter or leave the Palace of Westminster,
(b) hindrance to the proper operation of Parliament,
(c) serious public disorder,
(d) serious damage to property,
(e) disruption to the life of the community,
(f) a security risk in any part of the designated area,
(g) risk to the safety of members of the public (including any taking part in the demonstration).

(4) The conditions may, in particular, impose requirements as to-
(a) the place where the demonstration may, or may not, be carried on,
(b) the times at which it may be carried on,
(c) the period during which it may be carried on,
(d) the number of persons who may take part in it,

Ok just two small points for consideration, for 3b it is de facto a hindrance to the proper operation of the Queen in Parliament to add this level of beaurocratic control to legitimate demonstration outwith the Houses of Parliament. It cannot be the proper operation of Parliament to loan a million squid to a political party get appointed for life to the Upper House and have unlimited access to the Hyses and at the same time an improper use to demonstrate for whatever reason outside my own bloody parliament. Did this country suddenly switch with Burma. Is this as Tony Blair was legitimately asked during the Anti-Terror legislation by a member of her majesty's loyal opposition, turning into a police state, (he was of course suitably outraged, regular guy that he is). My other point is that the clauses e and f are legitimate questions that Parliament did require the Police to consider and yet they are obscenely and loudly absent from the 3175A form towit:

(e) the number and size of banners or placards used,
(f) maximum permissible noise levels.

One final observation you misinform the public in your emboldened statement that Applicants are advised that under s137 of the Act the use of a loudspeaker of any description at any time within the designated area is prohibited.
I think you will find on further consideration that is merely subsection (1) of s137 subsection (2) clearly states that subsection (1) does not apply the the operation of a loudspeaker for example
in case of emergency clause a subsection 2 s137
if i wished to communicate with a persons travelling on a vessel for example under Westminster Bridge for the purpose of their avoiding a collision because they started to wonder what my demonstration was about clause e subsection 2 s137
if the loudspeaker were attached to a vehicle and i was using it for the purposes of entertaining the driver or passenger which I think you'll find is contained within clause g subsection 2 s137 when subsection 3 kicks in which i quote in full in case you think i am shitting you about this.

(3) This subsection applies if the loudspeaker referred to in subsection (2)(g)-
(a) is operated solely for the entertainment of or for communicating with the driver or a passenger of the vehicle (or, if the loudspeaker is or forms part of the horn or similar warning instrument of the vehicle, solely for giving warning to other traffic), and
(b) is so operated as not to give reasonable cause for annoyance to persons in the vicinity.

There are other numerous exceptions to the blanket ban you suggest exists on the use of loudspeakers of any description but the above mentioned seem the most likely reasons someone who hasn't bribed the PM for a peerage might wish to avail themselves with.

I look forward to prompt rectification of the matters raised, please feel free to drop by any time. I shall be breakfasting with a co-conspirator on first Tuesday of April apres event, if you are interested in a stake out, i recommend the magnifica, and even if bugging me don't lead to anything someone is probably conspiring to do something at a Carluccio's near you.

Constable Mcinally Update

2006-03-27T08:37:00.000Z

Magnam gaudiam nuntiamus, this morning i was awakened by mumsie to the sean conneresque tones of Constable Mcinally of the Yard. Once again through dogged police work, he had located my telephone number, and trusting in BT lines, he confirms that this day a superintendant will sign of the authorisation form for the demonstration, just to confirm it's a demonstration to demonstrate the right to demonstrate, a pro forma demonstration, which works for me because the authorisation is in effect a pro forma form. As Constable Mcinally pointed out we have never lost the right to demonstrate. And as tony the Prince of Blair only yesterday let slip in Australia, sometimes he makes mistakes and wishes he could take back things, technically he just wishes he could go on and on like his mum Baroness Thatcher, but I am sure we could legitimately apply it to the Serious Organised Crim & Police Act 2005.

To my faithful interverse audience, Shmambers and puffin, the Constable is a little shy and abhors using the comment forms, he prefers telephonic conversation, oh one day i'll tape it and convert it to you an MP3 file, and I'll have him bang to rights (interesting phrase if anyone knows what it might mean please comment). Thus like a inner plane guide, or the cocaine induced halucination of a fevered mind, Constable Mcinally may not exist outwith the interverse at all. However to maintain the fabric of the continuum i'd like to point out as a gesture of goodwill a mistake in the syntax of the title of the form 3175A. It reads Application for Demonstration, new line Within The Serious Organised Crime & Police Act Designated Area. Surely that should read Within a Designated Area The Serious Organised Crime & Police Act 2005. I shall be looking at the detailed questions to see whether they are justified by the Act itself, or whether they are taking liberties, and i mean civil liberties that the coppers don't have a right to take.

Clearly if the choice were being blown up and muddered on the one hand and losing a few poncy left wing nambie pambie civil liberties on the other, I am not that keen on civil liberties, more like the chocolate sprinkles on me capuccino. I could live outwith them but in the end, I'd probably just stick to latte if you were going to be like that.

A toute a l'heure, monsieur gendarme

Knight Errants

2006-03-25T11:48:00.000Z

So a Knight Errant entering a field of battle first defends the weaker. Once all the weapons are put up. He offers the accused equity, the King's Justice because he has the right to dispense high middle and low justice or he can observe at a fair trial by his peers.

In addition to never say anything once arrested. Never accept the King's Justice.

You are always better off with the judgement of your peers.

Basics people, if any of us gets justice, we are going to be fucked beyond the limits of wildest imagination.

The Pitch - Dr Kember and the Xtian Peace Teamsters

2006-03-25T11:19:00.000Z

One can't blame the americans for lack of subtlety. So the four star general is giving the briefing on how they rescued Dr Kember and his colleagues. He seemed to start every sentence with the Christian Peace Team Hostages, the problem with the form, it is reminiscent of referring to someone with all their names, or giving them all their titles, it's the clumsiness of the rhythm yes that is it. I can see you are trying to portray the suffering servant during the paschal period (hang about you haven't a clue about what that is), you are trying to portray the west as elderly misguided pacifists who have come at the invitation of the local government to build schools hospitals and establish democracy truth justice and that these epitomes of self-sacrificing love are brutally used and abused by men with black hearts who do not love their children as we do. But it won't work if you overegg it. Even the bogstandard ignorant redneck is no longer that naieve.

One can't blame the americans because our very own General Sir whothefuck cares ponsomby smythe double barrelled dickhead, was outraged that Dr Kember had not made a public act of thanks to the brave men of the B Squadron Chumlychumly cholmondleychumley SAS for no greater love hath any man that he lays down his life to seek out the christian peace team hostages over those long three months, and this released with rumours that Dr Kember was refusing to co-operate with debriefers so that the ten to forty Iraqis who are kidnapped daily (i think they mean different ones each day) might also be aided by the brave SAS cholmondleytears to me eyes all choked up donchaknow, not that we use our troops to rescue iraqi hostages, it's part of the financial black economy donchaknow they have been kidnapping each other for millenia (only they haven't). So once again boys with feeling. Don't overegg. You just make him sound like a spy with a cover story that isn't holding up very well. So what cover story do our spies use. If the SAS are to be believed they put on that checked tea towell (sounds like ginkum but its not that) and by the power of their training and sheer force of will they blend into the fanatical muslim terror tykes that they are after. There's a lot more you can do with a red checked tea towell than the drying up.

Not to mention hearing pat gafney claim the christian peace team peeps were responsible for exposing the abuses at Abu Ghraib was just slimy even for self-righteous Christian types she backed that down to one of the roles of the christian peace teamsters is to liaise with peeps who knew peeps in prison and give them hugs and stuff.

As tony benn put it the Labour Party was never Socialist, there were always some socialists in it just as the Churches have some Christians in them. Problem with a real christian is you don't hear them saying what a bunch of cunting wankers there are playing silly fuck games. It was so much easier when the bad guys wore black hats and drove mercedez benz black sedans. We never caught them then mind. But at least you knew whose side you were on.

Maybe I should just wait for the made for tv movie. Or maybe that's what is playing out on the 24 hour news channels. That's why it's so intellectually unsatisfying and the special effects are so amateurish.

The Seven Ronin

2006-03-24T18:59:00.000Z

Second day of testimony from the American plant: So the story is his mum dies at 9-11 so he joins up with the seven brits in Pakistan in 2003 where one of the seven tells of his deadly tale to strike at little satan. The three methods he suggests allegedly are to do with poisoning beer cans by injecting them with syringes and then covering the injection hole with a sticky label to stop it spilling i guess. Wasn't specific on the poison or how they would acquire it. Second method to poison burgers to be sold on the streets, apparently he had already tried this method, although the american plant didn't believe him, (it is certainly possible that people have been poisoned by street vendored fast food but then they have only themselves to blame and I haven't heard of a string of fatalities unless you have an observation Constable Mcinally, (my official liason with New Scotland Yard), the third method was to invent the name of a restaurant then send out flyers and deliver poisoned food. Again anyone who has seen Gordon Ramsay's new series on turning around failing restaurants staffed by chefs who can't cook and use poor ingredients might well ask, why bother with arresting terrorists when we have so many restauranteurs we could charge with food poisoning as it is. I am all for arresting terrorists but similarly if we don't prosecute Railtrack when they have killed far more citizens in the past three avoidable train crashes because we don't have a workable corporate manslaughter law then (i am not sure how to finish that sentence and then i realised it was finished enough) BBC said these plots would be to kill thousands, the ITV man was more sceptical as to how seriously to take this evidence. The trial continues.

In other news we were told that the Chinese used as slave labour to pick cockles and were killed by the treacherous seas were ignored by the police because the immigration service would never pick them up. The Chinese Government won't issue passports to its citizens who leave their country outwith papers. We can't put them on a plane outwith a passport. So the practice has been for Chinese citizens do what you like to them, fuck em, kill em, even niggers were treated better, at least someone owned them, a slave owner protects his property, Chinese seeking truth justice democracy and all the benefits of the west are murdered and we do nothing. You fucking cocksuckers, yeah you Mcinally, what the fuck did you join the police force for, fucking wankers. What moral right do you fucking cock suckers have to tell me that you don't like what muslims stand for, you fucking ignorant cunts.

Though i was told worst case scenario when we die, that's it. In the east it's called Sat Cit Ananda, (hippies translate it as Being Ecstacy Bliss, it's like dreamless sleep). Why would anyone expect more feel that they are owed more. That there will be an end to this is good, and that death will wipe the smiles from the smug smirking southern baptists is as much a comfort to me as their religion is to them. So we are even then.

As Homer Simpson pointed out vis a vis Paschal's Gamble, no one can lose whichever way you bet, if there is a loving all-compassionate God it won't matter either way, but that really does seem to fly in the face of all the available evidence.

The Kembers

2006-03-23T18:41:00.000Z

It is a nice early easter pressie for the Kembers to be reunited. I remember when he was captured a friend told me Desie don't be so naive, of course he is a spy, why else would he go there, peace activist is a standard cover story, they need to do diplomacy now the war is over, as for Mrs Kember, ok she does remind me of that ageing granny who published the book of her spying for the soviets that led the to deaths of many of our spies, but no one really wanted to prosecute her, we like ageing english grannies. So all the best to the two of them and well done that team they worked for.

As for the SAS, few amurkans get the name right, last film i saw had them down as the Royal Special Services and then drifted off and got lost somewhere, Special Air Strike, but we all know what they do. In WWII they went behind enemy lines a bit like paratroopers only more crazy. Then during the cold war they were used for black ops destabilising or propping up foreign governments, when they sent military experts to advise that's who they meant. Then finally during the siege in London they began their new purpose to provide back bench MPs with both erections and orgasm. Well done those lads. Just to hear the journalist say it was B Squadron of the Special Air chumdeechumdeechum woyal navey bwings a tear the eye i'm all choked up. Pity they didn't get to blow shit up and kill the bad guys. Apparently they walked in. So ok Mrs Kember could probably have freed the three hostages regardless of whether she was a spy or not.

This is not to take away from the good news of easter. Kidnappings murder civil war in Iraq but one Brit and Two Canadians freed after only a few hours interrogation of suspects the day before, that video would be worth something to any porn site. One of those hostages looked a bit on the Injun side, never mind we can call him Canadian.

Well done to you all. This from an impartial observer who is definitely not one of you.

Interesting ver interesting obs made today, one who was once younger told me he survived by realising that the world is not a just place, there doesn't appear to be any plan, occasionally justice is served but purely by accident. He attends weekly services with his wife open to a damascus episode but not expecting one. My way leads to insanity. I think he is right, but insanity wants me it's gonna have to claim me. And i can ride the storm apparently outwith fear, feel the rush.

There is a joy in not having to explain to the others.

the not so magnificent seven and the plot to blow up the Blue Water Mall with a tactical nuclear weapon purchased from the Russian Mafia

2006-03-23T15:11:00.000Z

Apart from Muslims they are already guilty donchaknow, at least we don't lynch em or burn crosses on their lawns like some other countries, my my and yes they would fare so much worse back in their own country which would be.

So the muslim gel, let us call her Rahma, at work some weeks back complained, that while her cousin was visiting from abroad, they had taken a photo of the Blue Water Shopping Mall before heading back to Gatwick to leave our fair isles. Then her two cousins acting as hosts were accosted by two inspectors of HM finest, how dare they she said, one of the cousins a surgeon the other a doctor in the Royal National Humane Society Health Service Nye Bevan New Deal donchaknow. Not saying much today though was she. So Rahma I says, two inspectors. Look it was just a misunderstanding they had been told three men were casing the Blue Water. It was two one has already gone back home and the other my cousin is a surgeon yeah yeah. I tries to press her. But Rahma was very busy all day. So before leaving i suggests. You know how often they interview people and let them go before they go on to commit terrible crimes. Well two inspectors, fast track university grads, they have got to have put your cousins under surveillance, tapped the phones, placed bugs in their flats, it's how they got the seven to confess to dastardly deeds. I mean they'd prolly fan out and go for your contacts. Find me notable twubble maker, it all begins to add up.

I am not totally convinced about the buying of the tactical nuclear weapon from the Russian Mafia story I think that was from either the Bond Movie with Robbie Coltrane or a Schwarzenegger film where he plays a russian cop trying to avenge the death of his half-brother. But yeah common or garden fertilizer bought in large quantities are the main ingredients of unstable explosives which one professor on a recent documentary stated is embarrassingly easy to make.

As for tactical nuclear weapons, the same can be said of it as was said in Back to the Future II, perhaps in your part of the time line you can just buy weapons grade uranium over the counter, but this is the 1950s. Personally although Daily Mail readers clearly love the plot line, my own Count Tomek was quite convinced that were he a member of a terrorist cell although he might not have a tactical nuclear arms dealer from the Russian Mafia on speed dial he would probably know someone who knew someone who knew someone who could point him in the right direction, like I said although all of that, personally I think charging the seven with the attempted purchasing of tactical nuclear weapons was more of a publicity stunt they won't present any evidence a jury would have to consider on that one.

The common or garden fertilizer and the offensive vile plotting of social deviants with a combined IQ of a hedgehog, now that I think is safer ground. I'd throw away the key. No officer, lock them up first. Yes, now you can throw away the key. No not into the cell. Oh for God's sake.

Hey Constable Macinally that reminds me where is my authorization for my demo.

Rebel?

2006-03-23T08:31:00.000Z

though at the day of judgement if my behaviour marks me as not one of you, then it would be a result. a bit of a way to go then.

We don't have a written constitution but the freedoms outlined in younger democracies were entrenched in conventions and grew from the Great Seal 1215CE. Form 3175A removes the right of freedom of assembly. A few months back a woman was arrested and charged for reading out the names of dead soldiers by the cenotaph because it's now a designated area under the Serious Organised Crimes and Police Act 2005. She was supposed to have filled in a Form 3175A at least 6 days before reading out the list of dead soldiers. I think her son had died serving our country in Iraq at the behest of President George Walker Bush via his bitchpoodle the Prince of Blair. It is always an offence to use a megaphone by a designated area you cannot get permission for that presumably because the law is designed to supress freedom of speech, another convention, when men lose the ability to be shamed conventions lose their power. The latest anti-terror laws remove Habeas Corpus from the conventions of law, before that the presumption of innocence was taken out of law by statute, the canadians may still use the old english caution, you have nothing to hope from promise of favour or fear from threat whether you speak. The coppers now say something like if you refuse to say now something you later rely on in your defence in court the jury may take that into consideration.

Best advice if you want to stay out of gaol say nothing, they can detain you for a month outwith giving any reason and providing only a state barrister who will not discuss the charges against you with you, but say nothing, it will never help you whatever you say. They usually detain people from the underclass, a new term from the interverse, you call them disgusting people outwith any irony. There ya go. I really hope I don't appear to be one of you.

I just want to steer a course that makes it plain i am not one of you, and I am not going to make it easy for anyone to put me in gaol. I don't want to plot to blow up designated areas or try to buy nuclear weapons from the russian mafia, neither do I wish to end my days a drunken bum too wimpy to become addicted to heroin and continually talking about conspiracies and how I could have been somebody.

Rebel if it's easier to say. a long ways to go, am out of ideas, where are the reinforcements. Fine if you guys are all good and go to heaven. I don't think I'd be comfortable there right now. Bit like the end of the Bhagavad Ghita yes.

Form 3175A

2006-03-22T16:51:00.000Z

Today I received in the post two Form 3175A marked restricted Application for Demonstration within The Serious Organised Crime & Police ACt Designated Area published by the Metropolitan Police Working together for a safer London. I was a little disappointed not to receive also the actual authorisation to proceed with my demonstration demonstrating my right to demonstrate at the agreed Designated Area of Parliament Square, said site agreed with Constable Mcinally of the Yard, formerly of Scotland and previously of Ireland or so he introduced himself. If you have had time to drop by Constable I do hope you will correct your remissness. I certainly appreciate your sending me the forms which you were quite happy for me to photocopy and distribute, however this was the reason i did not wish to have telephonic contact as I was not prepared with a recording device unlike our Commissioner and should there be a disagreement we have only my contemporaneous record of the telephone call posted on the day. Given that police written records seem to change after the event and recordings disappear, well let's not get ahead of ourselves Constable. I quite understand you had difficulty reading my writing but as we had agreed all the terms over the telephone I should treat your delay as a violation of the aforementioned Act of Parliament. No where in that act does it require me to use your stationery though I shall be posting copies on this web page so that any person and I presume a person in the law of England and Wales is not restricted to UK citizens, it means any human being or legal entity such as a corporation(?) or member of a species protected by the Law of England and Wales (not puffins then) can apply for the right to demonstrate on Parliament Square. However if I do not receive I shall have to look into how to have you disciplined for your failure to comply with the law, quis custodiet custodes ipsos, quis vero.

The chase is afoot Holmes.

gang aft aglee

2006-03-21T17:34:00.000Z

Just when you think you have found a way out of paying pleasure horse taxation in perpetuity both the SNP and Plaid Cymru have protested to the Yard about a possible violation by the Prince Blair of some Sales of Honours Act 1925 where it's a misdemeanour, which I think involves low justice, although I think criminal law has since been reformed and there are no longer any misdemeanours, well anyway the Yard is now doggedly investigating whether the Prince Blair has violated said act and although i think it unlikely that he will be charged or arrested and even if he were convicted given that there aren't any misdemeanours any more though the sight of tony being pilloried (is that when they put your head and hands in the wooden trap thing and throw tomatoes at you) might appease the masses. But I can't see any of us getting to be knight bannerers.

Pity he won't go. Bush made the folksy mid-west ignorant red neck appeal to win the hearts and minds of amurkans while Mutley over the border talked about paradigms and the war against the forces of truth good justice and those who disagree with me. Depends how you like your bollocks served.

If he did go, I'd like to remember him for his stand on the Balkans War. He saved the muslims of Cosovo. I appreciate no one likes muslims any more, and they'd have been happier if he had let them be purged like the Bosnians and Croatian ones before them. I had thought Slick Willy had made the difference, but Slick Willy just gave good blow. Tony was a Xtian once, but there really is no staying power with clay feet.

Here lies Tony Blair, Prince of Pristina, the people's Prince.

And some people were getting confused with the whole pleasure horse tax thing, it was the first tax introduced by Walpole, nothing to do with that russian tsarina, i really had hoped that i shouldn't have to explain. though even after researching muchly am still not all that clear what the difference is between a pleasure horse and something the gels at St Trinians might ride for example.

Tony needs U

2006-03-20T13:18:00.000Z

I shouldn't really announce ahead of the budget hush hush n all. But I am secretly engaged in secret hush hush confidential correspondence with Tony to ennoble me to enable me to ennoble knight bannerers for fifty squid a throw. Obviously these don't have to be loans at a commercial rate because they are under the five thousand pound limit for political donations. I think I can speak for Tony when he says that he is doing nothing illegal in so ennobling me to enable me to ennoble, although we have no hard and fast contractual arrangements per se. Tony is minded to be led to believe that I will pop him a bung of 50 squid for each knight bannerer I ennoble, obviously you too would be ennobled to enable you ennoble, on the understanding that you would drop Tony a bung too. It doesn't take a complete fool to work out that this pyramid knighthood scheme is going to make Tony a lot more bucks then either the previous loans for peerages or his future dinner party speeches/lecture tour to the new world. I think Tony is coming around to the concept of a princedom for hisself. Peerages sound so grubby. So if anyone is interested in becoming a knight bannerer in financial economic market terms, now is the time for Tony to start dumping them before he is forced to reconsider his position. In the first instance please contact the Prince of Blair, 10 Downing Street, London WC1 and remember to use some sort of recorded delivery, don't want anyone claiming they never got the fifty squid note, also make a note of the serial number on the promisorry note, if you could slip in a small video camera, should do the trick but according to Spike Lee's new film, you'd have to send him a pizza with the fifty squid and that might be over some peeps budgets. I'll keep you informed should Tony respond. But I feel quietly confident of knight bannererhood. I hope he realises it will mean that i shall be personally exempt from all taxes current or future on pleasure horses, not only personally but all immediate family and those of any loyal retainers. I mean otherwise what is the point in becoming a knight bannerer.

P C Paul Mcinally

2006-03-20T11:18:00.000Z

Constable Mcinally of the Yard, hesitantly dialled the 8 digit number he had managed to obtain through dogged police work. Formerly of Irish Stock of good swimmers he hails from north of the border, now he works as the personal representative of 'the Commissioner' as defined by the Serious Organised Crimes and Police Act 2005. There was only one sticking point, having managed to decypher the scrawl script of the Al Aqsa Martyrs (and their ilk) Indulgences Fund, where in the green outside the palace of Westminster did you want to establish the static demonstration. Static you say. Yes sir because if you moved you would not longer be a demonstration, you would become a March and Yes Sir there are other regulations for Marches. Hmm static I shall be. Why don't you tell me where I should demonstrate then outwith the Houses of Parliament. No Sir I am not going to fall for that one, you will then claim that HM Police Force tried to restrict where you could demonstrate ere the demonstration had begun. I retorted no Sir I shall claim that you tried to prevaricate by claiming that you could not offer an authorisation as I did not name a specific place a variation of one of Zeno's pardoxes. Eventually after much haggling and some discussion of Roman Catholic theory on indulgences (accepted that the officer felt his personal religious convictions were not relevant to this application I got the sense that he was a Rangers supporter), I may allight upon Parliament Square 10 for 10.30 on April Fool's Day 2006, take an hour break for lunch and then end at 5.00. Authorisation for this will wing it's way to my address, Constable Mcinally of the Yard is also responsible for requests garnered at three other stations in this area, my original letter sent by recorded royal mail to Sir Ian was forwarded to him. He will enclose a copy of their own application form so that I can distribute them (he prefers that they are typed or printed). Although this is the first application he has had to deal with he is confident that he could cope even were they to come in their hundreds and thousands. I left him feeling like a suffragette, I suspect he would feel the same, but not while on duty. In passing we mentioned the case of Jean Charles de Menezes. He has no objection to my photocopying the A4 to 200% sticking it to my chest. No one on an authorized demonstration has been shot by coppers yet Sir. Filled with this fresh confidence the next phase of my intrepid journey continues. Constable Mcinally may drop by to offer comments but he prefers to telephone though he accepts it is perfectly legal for anyone to tape their own conversation. I do like loyalty in a man.

V for Wachowski Bros

2006-03-18T10:03:00.000Z

Jonny Woss slammed it, monotonous tone, not worth even the anodyne boredom value. A few other critics joined in. I thought worth a watch then. Pre-matrix Wachowski, just when you think you are the most pretentious disingenuous snob if you are gonna fail the mo mowlam test, fail it as an olympic high dive gold medal attempt. Painting called despair and triumph or something, white paint on white background, preferably hung on white wall. She asked northern irish politicos what they thought of it and if they liked it she marked their card.

So why is he called V. He got no name didn't even get a number with all the files being misplaced. It was his room number, but everything happens for a reason. So he does a superb introduction with a swish, has that faustian motto like veni vidi vici but too long to memorize and everything fits. He has no eyes so how does he see. Bit like how the dog with no nose smells. If you can remember then you don't have to see.

The love story, if you seek me you will find me if you find me you will know me if you know me you will love me those whom i love I kill. All standard hostage scenario stuff and there has been something about young amidala ever since Leon. The whole orange suit and hoods we fear the Quran was probably why peeps say its boring don't watch it. The 1812 overture is adolescent. Ok state educated and the average amurkan will need to be told what it is. But so was the ending. How do you get a plot to blow up the Hyses of Parliament via a tube train bomb filmed outside the hyses of parliament. You hire Euan Blair as a runner.

I liked it worth a watch. If only to work out why the critics claim it is too dull too watch. It's not like it's Star Wars.

ma'alish

2006-03-16T17:45:00.000Z

The Commissioner allegedly knew that Jean Charles de Menezes was innocent when he gave a press statement claiming he was a suicide bomber. Two corrections not that anyone really cares. He was not shot from the back of the head as I had previously stated. He was shot from the front with the gun placed at his neck. I am not sure why the police deny it was police marksmen they still missed with four bullets of the eleven. The Tango 10 officer whom I had described as SAS was in fact SRR.
News also today, the several millions pounds commercial loans, which apparently don't need to be declared and in return for which peerages were offered by the Prime Minister do not violate ministerial code of conduct. Ministers cannot function if they have a personal ethical code or any semblance of morality. Future commercial loans will be declared but none of the current or past ones because it would only upset people to know how many peerages and knighthoods privileges of the crown were sold by the official pimp of HM the Queen Elizabeth II of England and I of the United Kingdom, Australia, Canada and the Commonwealth of Nations. It's not that the Prime Minister is the first whore to take office, nor that the touting price has dropped. I think people took him too seriously when he said that he intended to be purer than pure and to instill a respect for public office which he claimed had been besmirched by 22 years of Tory sleaze. And if everyone releases a scandal every day no one will suffer. The way if works with the coppers is since the current IPCC report is still with the CPS they cannot publish because it might prejudice a fair trial. And since the IPCC are now investigating the Commissioner they would have to hold off from publishing the CPS results till the IPCC forward the new investigation to the CPS unless of course it results in newer investigations. I am not sure if Sir Ian wants a peerage now since it would only accrue the belief that he was some manwhore of tony's, parking space permits are the new peerages. Who cares what you had to do to get one, at least you can park anywhere in London with one outwith getting clamped, or congestion charged. Is politics really more nauseating now or do I just read more about it. Oh yeah and the yanks have bombed iraq again, i hadn't realised they had stopped.

Treachery at Jericho

2006-03-14T19:24:00.000Z

I feel I can despise the Ministers of the Crown, British Foreign policy, illegal warmongering and treacherous cowardly acts by mercernaries hired by my government and still be a loyal subject of HM Queen Elizabeth. Most of the soldiers in the current wars fought in the middle east are mercenaries, whatever name they are given. A mercenary by definition is not there to preserve honour or to act with bravery or restraint. And after 90 days I no longer pretend that British Soldiers from regiments who fought with honour from Agincourt to El Alamein are anything but teenagers trying to stay alive in a hell hole. Mercenaries contract to kill for the money. They piss off if they get a better deal. The foreign secretary Jack Straw the right honourable member of the Privy Council, is a poisonous liar, the honest ones have already resigned or are dead. He pulled the mercenaries out of jericho the jews went it, in what sense are those unconnected.

There was a time it would have been dishonourable to accuse a minister of the crown of anything. Present evidence and ask for an explanation. But we live in an age where ministers openly lie steal take bribes act like adolescents on their first pharmacy raid, and when they are caught they make it clear that they don't care. Power should come with an ethical warning. Few can resist the temptation to sell integrity piecemeal hate violently act injustly and walk proudly away from God, for money sex or just because you can. And when they sell how cheaply they barter.

Pull all the troops out and finish whatever job you want done with mercenaries and then take more oil in return. Oh I forgot you can't finish a war against terrorism by definition you vile piece of vermin.

Soldiers take an oath of loyalty to the crown not to politicians. Let them come home. A Scots teenager was blown up by a roadside bomb, because they couldn't be arsed to fit out the apcs with jamming equipment that would have saved him, so the equipment was stored in the barracks for two weeks. In London the arsehole ministers drive around in bullet proof limos, you don't need a bullet proof limo to protect yourselves from rotten eggs. Fine give me a chance ill throw one. About bloody time i got a criminal record.

Am i pissed off. Not just with corrupt politicians. I mean you gels. I thought we were getting on. And then you spring the whole, but the bible tells me so story on me and I am thinking the whole Inquisition thing had it's good side.

I am pissed off that people who claim rationality and intelligence believe that an ancient text gives anyone the right to occupy land contrary to international law. You didn't say that. But I said people I didn't say Sassy or Shmambers or she whom mhy soul loveth. Doesn't mean I can't love a misguided moron. I just can't respect anyone wilfully ignorant when it causes so much evil to abound. If it were just ignorance sure it might be cute and adorable. It just wouldn't work though would it.

So Sassy Shmambers it's just us three here. You will always sound sexy, be beautiful, more charming and worthy of God's love if it were ever about worth. The Bible is wrong on most facts. It contains Truth, but then sometimes the Truth is just a cover for a Lie. I disagreed with John Paul the Great on most of what he said, but I loved him for his integrity. I believed he did more to damage my Church than the Borgias but i wept and held back moans and screams when he died. I am a Roman Catholic and not by choice, it is who I am.

It doesn't really matter than you follow a text you can't actually read. Too many people do. And enough people who have power in the United States to affect the foreign policy of one of the most stupid and ignorant world leaders since Caligula. Some ideas are intrinsically evil. And yeah I'll feel a complete twat if it turns out I am wrong about this.

That we could destroy this planet because of an a text twisted by the irrational the superstitious the ignorant. I guess we were always going to destroy eden why not for this then. Real Catholics treat the Bible so respectfully they very rarely read it, real Catholics recite the Divine Office as much of the Bible as we will ever need, because it appears easy enough to read the Bible and understand it to mean I can kill palestinians or muslims or whomever, not only that but it tickles God pink to do so. Because unfortunately the text says stuff like that, like the lex talionis and people with a 7 second attention span won't read it in context. And sometimes the context just makes the text sound more evil so. The text contains God unless it is read by God it cannot be understood.

The Jews have no right to dwell in Palestine because the Bible says so. They have the right because the UN gave them some of the land in 1947. And they keep it because they have american support and nuclear weapons. I think we might differ on that. And it's quite a big rift in understanding. it's one of those gestalt paradigm shift rifts. Damn it was going so well, he said while falling past the 15th 14th and 13th floors.

Yeah when the hour comes me and the puffins will do our bit. Ten million puffins all in battle array, we can take on black seagulls, ten million acting with one purpose can turn back God from his anger. You rely on people. I put my trust in puffins and the god of little things. I am a Friar after all it is our way. puffins have the name little friars of the snow fratercula arctica. now i will sing vespers for the dead.

Sir Ian Blair Update

2006-03-13T12:10:00.000Z

Apparently the Attorney-General Lord Goldsmith, did I mention my uncle Wolf, he was head of the familly in a Don Corleone way, and Attorney-General of a small island race, crown council during British rule, the AG from the time of the constitutional monarchy thru the various one party dictatorships with hiccoughs, a couple of times he was imprisoned tortured and then given his old job back. For some time he was put in charge of a the State Insurance company, for me mind that would be a massive promotion to a job beyond my competency, for him it was a public humiliation. Anyway they have multi-party democracy now, real change still hasn't appeared to happen for the majority inspite of all the revolutions. And my uncle is a Judge, President of the Industrial Court there to take on corruption and racketeering is that the word. He behaves like a judge, not as quick as he was, slower more deliberate. Won't come and visit I think he knows he where he wants to die and be buried.

Never really liked him, admired and adored him, but I never really liked him. I can sum up why. When he dies he won't leave a pot to piss in, although I am sure I'll get a hefty slice of the nothing he leaves behind, I think he feels sorry for me. He never took a bribe in his life, though I know he was tempted, his weak point was always his family, for a long time while she lived it was his mother.

Some kind of genetic character flaw, I got the stupid gene but there ya go.

So where was I, the AG has accepted the private apology of Sir Ian, the PM has expressed his confidence in the Commissioner and hopes that this will draw a line under (or is it over) the matter. Still have no idea what that expression means pragmatically. And the Met Assoc panel member who called for the Commissioner's resignation only an hour ago must be feeling pretty stupid right now.

But what I really wanted to post today, not sure having paid my real dues, is apparently if you leave a laptop in a jungle, a great ape will leave it alone if it leaves him alone, an Orangutan (with the baby face only a mother could love) would take it apart piece by piece look at each one with that ridiculous expression of puzzlement they look at the world and then reassemble it and move on, a banobo ape would try have to sex with it, and when frustrated it would rush off to find another banobo ape so it could reduce its stress by having recreational sex, a chimp would pick it up and smash it to pieces. According to evolutionary theorists we evolved from the chimps, all perhaps apart from the hippies who obviously evolved from banobo apes I don't need a research grant to work that one out though if you are offering I have the time if yep and I see myself as one of those great big silverbacks that taught Tarzan all he knows. Politics I really don't understand at all, perhaps my mistake lies in thinking it's supposed to make sense. I mean why lie and fabricate an irrational pseudo-reality when what you are saying basically doesn't make any sense to begin with.

But I find the story of the laptop, the silverback, the orangutan, the banobo and the chimp rather restful and comforting.

In support of Sir Ian Blair

2006-03-13T11:04:00.000Z

Hey woah there dude, isn't this the ewil corrupt Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police you have been saying is a bad egg and really should resign and take his place in the Upper Chamber as Viscount of Bletchley bar Ilkley Moor. There is that. But today the tabloids and serious lobbyists have united in calling for his resignation because he has become so drunk on power he believes himself to be above the law he serves, he has become puffed up with vanity that he believes it is more important that he appear on TV with a soundbite than that he actually take responsibility for the operational work of the country's largest police force, and that he has openly and without compunction politicized the police force (he was a political appointee, but they all are).

Correct me if i am wrong, he hasn't actually broken any laws there. As the Minister said to the Journalist, I have not been found guilty of breaking the ministerial code. Last time I checked it is perfectly legal to make recordings of your own conversations. It becomes a bug or line tap when you attempt to secretly record conversations of other people. In fact recently two carers were convicted of assault and battery and place permanently on the POVA list for abuse and plotting the murder of an 83yr old woman and the only evidence against them was a secret recording made by the old woman's son via a bugging device in the ornament on the mantlepiece.

And you gotta figure with all the toys he has in his office he'd want to try them out recording conversations if only to have a laugh at the next dinner party. Oh and this is one with the AG when we were discussing whether to allow intercept evidence in courts, absolutely hilarious at one point he tells me what he really thinks. If this is all they have on him I can't see him resigning. Now the other Blair set up a committee to vet appointments to the Hyse of Lords Sir Ian's appointment will inevitably be blocked. Since they can't bribe him. It's time for the middle class tosser to show them he is a hard bastard copper. Just stretch those booted booties from side to side with a head twist like a puffin guarding their burrow. And wait for minister to start another scandal. They can't sack everyone.

About that famine thing

2006-03-12T10:38:00.000Z

After the assassination of Agamemnon, Aeschylos has the council elders meet and discuss their options, I don't think he was all that keen on democracy, it's safe to accuse him so, no chance of an extraordinary rendition for him.

In the finest of our traditions. One theory the Gordon Brown one is if we implement a three point plan of Debt relief, a Marshall plan for economic regeneration and a fair trade exchange then in fifty years we are all be the better for it. What that was turned into was a sleak but trendy Make Poverty History wrist band, coz people don't understand complex problems and you never could chant out long sections from either the sermon on the mount or Das Kapital at a rally and expect a decent hollerback.

Then there was this other geezer who said that's all nonsense. The real problem is african politics, corruption and financial mismanagement, what we have to do is stop laundering the money for these corrupt regimes and stop complaining when crooks who rape and murder their own people refuse to honour their debts. Apparently not just Tessa Jowell MP PC who launders money, London is the money laundering capital of the world, well not much else we can do in England since we lost the Empire and all our Heavy Industry.

Then there was this other chappie on the ground saying it's not really either of these, it's global weather changes. There has been very little rain these past ten years in North East Africa, the land is desertifying. The last two years there has been a complete drought. If it rains soon it might get better next year. But if it doesn't rain now all the cattle have died the people will die. And yes it doesn't help that Somalia doesn't have a government and the governments that exist are corrupt but bad as that sounds, it's the drought that is killing us here.

So what is it then that I intend to do. I have chosen the difficult less travelled path. I will watch and stay with those who have been abandoned. I will be a witness, a martyr and given that not all action involves movement or talk I should be able to manage it in addition to my knightly duties.

I won't take a sword because i won't need one. One difference over the rookie. They always tell them you won't need a sword, and the rookie always takes one just in case. Doesn't matter if you are going to witness a wife beating, a genocide, or just vanilla hypocrisy. You don't need a sword to stand down and watch, steady in the ranks that knight.

I can understand if you others are incapable of wu wei (the way of the waterfall). I think I have reached a level of entelechy to be able to do so.

May I have your blessing before I proceed.

Slobodan Milosevich Case no 2/2006-pre-millenial genocide

2006-03-11T12:54:00.000Z

After ex parte in camera pleading Slobodan has been accepted as a suitable candidate for of their ilk in the articles of founding of the Al Aqsa Martyrs (and their Ilk) Indulgences Fund. Hence Lauds was today offered for the man formerly known as Slobodan Milosevich who was found dead in his cell earlier this morning. Go forth O Christian Soul in the Name of God the Father Almight who created you, in the Name of God the Holy Spirit who sustains you, in the Name of God the Son, who died for your redemption, in the Name of Mary Blessed Virgin Mother of God, in the Name of all the Angels Saints Martyrs and of all those who enjoy Gods Favour. May your home be in Heaven this day. May Choirs of Angels hymn thee to thy rest. May you return to the bosom of Abraham our Father in Faith.

The courts have relinquished their rights over you. You were in life a cowardly murderer, a defiler of women, a proud ruler of a fiercely independent nation, and a disgraceful carbuncle on the arse of humanity.

Now you are with those who do not judge, who will forget your sins and will embrace you in the unconditional love that was prepared for you from the beginning of time. We did good work today knights. I am surprised so few are joining us. Take the rest of the day off. Amen Amen. So say us all.

Real and Serious I have a bad feeling about this one

2006-03-10T08:05:00.000Z

I remember watching, guess they were our soldiers, but they were in Northern Ireland so along with the recusants loyalties were divided. But this time he was set on fire by a petrol bomb and as he shouted put me out put me out and did the roll they are trained to do, the young men who were throwing the molotovs were heard and seen to be laughing and mocking.

Vinnie our parish priest and still my dear friend Dom Vincent, he said it was about anonymity. If we know people. We can only behave that way to people we do not know at all.

I could learn more. Not just lots and lots of facts but I learn that too. I know about Goliad now. And odd statistics comparing the Canadian and USA Health care spending. I tend to see Canada as the Belgium of North America, certainly as the USA with all the guns and almost none of the violence, sort of cholesterol free I can't believe it's not the USA, but then why bother eating the croissant.

But also learning about people. Although young people no longer congregate in coffee bars it seems still a straight in crooked lines path to I-thou connections. To hear them talk sometimes you'd think they had invented drugs and alcohol. The facts change but and the facts are fascinating.

Did you know for instance per capita which country or state has the most number of plastic surgery procedures let's stick to this planet for now. I should have said California. But apparently it's Iran. A neighbour family (not just one who lived a few doors away but one we chatted too and exchanged food and stuff) they were Iranians, and I never thought they were odd, but then I am a little odd.

They all seem to have mobile phones web access and cable, and their artists either win public acclaim or get imprisoned sometimes both. Their women freely mingle with their men at schools and universities. It is a country I could visit freely, well as much as I could visit China freely. Yeah ok nowhere is perfect and Iran is less perfect than many countries, but is that the key point here.

The women there want to look like J-Lo. But I think when they say they want to look like J-Lo they see J-Lo a little differently to the way I think the rest of us do. Maybe they see J-Lo the way J-Lo sees herself, just Jenny from the block with a really cute nose. With that kind of Hijab, nose jobs are worth the investment. I recall watching an Orthodox Jewish Netball team, not that I know much about Netball. Once I knew that the women were wearing wigs to look like their own hair, the whole experience became fixated on whether I could see the join or were they indeed bluffing about the wigs. I don't think I was acting strangely in that. But on reflection regardless what everyone else was doing I was behaving incredibly strangely in that, in fact I'd go so far as suggesting it be given it's own category in DSM V whenever that comes out. I think I have discovered a new disease in the course of blogging. Hmmm.

France is negotiating with Libya to fuel inject their nuclear energy programme. Bush just visited India on behalf of the american nuclear industry, India hasn't signed the non-proliferation treaty. North Korea, Israel and Pakistan all have nuclear weapons. China Russia France USA. I don't think Canada has them, because they are a waste of money. How many times over do we need the capability of destroying the earth for all but cockroaches.

I really think now would be a good time for HM the Queen to hand back the Trident Missile programme to the Americans. We can't even test fire outwith the American's permission they have the other key. Let's unilateraly disarm our nuclear weapons, and use the money to supply nose jobs to our women on the NHS. Then watch and see what happens in Iran.

And if their women are less than our women, let them have nuclear technology. So what if another country gets the bomb. Too many countries have it for now. Either let them all get it or none of us. I have a really bad feeling about where the confrontation is leading. Islam is not the enemy. Islam is not the enemy. Please seriously for real Islam is not the enemy. But thinking positively at least now I get to post one day. I bloody told you so.

Keeping in real Jean Charles de Menezes

2006-03-09T05:21:00.000Z

I have trouble sleeping, a troubled conscience, probably. I'll try a more cathartic real post on Don Jean Charles. Saw another Panorama exclusive on the murder last night and I had thought the BBC had lost their teeth after the Government cull of the Director General half the trustees and that turbulent journalist after they investigated Tony Blair's outing of the senior British Scientist on the team investigating the fabricated weapons of mass destruction story sexed up by our Government for what, people ring bells only for the first few days of a war abroad, now we are all ringing our hands, I am sure I read that in a Punch cartoon from the 19th century. Difficult to stay focused at why I find it hard to sleep.

It was more listening to his cousin Patrice da Silva Armani. Odd to remember her name but not for me. I presume her husband's family are da Silvas and her family are Armanis and she could keep adding family names via her mother's line. So I'd be Desmond Coutinho Dourado D'Almeida. My family name is far more important than my Christian name. Who the hell has heard of Desie, but my family on the other hand. Well I have let them down but until people figured that one out, the name meant something to some people. I was touched listening to her from her little village back in Brazil saying that she believed she would get justice for her murdered cousin and that Sir Ian Blair for example would be sacked. Why do people think that way?

The actual facts that sound very odd after the investigation by the IPCC, leaked because under this regime we never get to see reports until many years later so people leak them to us and then they have an investigation trying to find out who leaked them. The SAS soldier skilled in surveillance claimed he had switched off the video footage of the IC1 male leaving the block of flats and so we have no video of Don Jean Charles. He believed it might be Osman the suspected suicided bomber but apart from no video he was recorded as saying might be worth a look. Similarly the Northern Line Johnnies claim that there was video on the trains that day but mysteriously the police say that the hard drives which they took were blank. I guess it would be pretty damning to have video footage of the four surveillance officers restraining Don Jean Charles and the unnumbered gang of armed officers shooting him in the head over half a minute, 11 bullets at point blank range, 4 missed completely one missed the head and hit the torso. The Special Branch journal was tampered with, the original journal read that the man clearly was Osman, the tampered report now reads the man clearly was not Osman. Some police officers clearly don't watch CSI, they can tell when you change reports like that. The surveillance officers believe Don Jean Charles was a trained operative because he left one bus made a phone call and then boarded another bus and this was the behavious of someone trying to dump a tail, but they were too clever for him. They failed to notice when he left the bus at Brixton Station, Brixton Tube was closed so he was phoning his fellow electrician to tell him he would be late as he was taking the bus to the connecting tube station. So he took the next bus. I could go on. Nothing is going to happen to anyone. No one will be punished. Kratos their poxy little shoot to kill policy stays in force. To understand why Assistant Commissioner Steve House when pressed kept repeating that shooting to the head is not a shoot to kill policy it is a shoot to incapacitate policy and people really need to understand that. You'd have to remember John Stalker He was an honest copper, might have been commissioner himself one day if he hadn't been framed by Manchester Police force while investigating an alleged shoot to kill policy by the RUC. I do remember arguing that the double effect rule was dishonest, the belief that you can inject a suffering person with enough heroin to kill them but it's not deliberate killing because your primary purpose was to ease pain and the secondary consequence was that the person died. Shooting a person in the head 11 times would have the same effect and as Steve House future commissioner of the met puts it, the primary purpose is not to kill, he might as well have argued it was to ease his pain. I am feeling better oddly might get some sleep in a bit.

How does this all relate to indulgences. Some people think that Catholics can sin go to confession say some prayers and then do the same thing over. The teaching is that a wrong must be righted. There is the thing that God became part of this all. i can't define God, but somehow let's call it perfect unconditional love not really sure what that might be but i've seen some pretty poor imitations which blew my mind. Well by getting its hands dirty that rights the wrong. So some pope decided if we sold this stuff we could build st peter's basilica for God. I want to say people misunderstood St Anselm's Cur Deus Homo, and Duns Scotus has such a more gentle natural understanding of the paschal mystery. But it's a longer story.

Problem with keeping it real, is I begin to see that individuals have their own story, and from their perspective some nights it's hard to sleep too. I have done things that I still regret. And all the wishing in the world won't take back some things I have done. I don't want the DSO to resign, and Sir Ian Blair is more than welcome to become Lord Blair like his predecessor. But I'd like the truth to be told one day. And it would be nice if more people could find it hard to sleep. And can the police in the metropolis please have those radios that work underground. And can our soldiers please not have to buy their own flak jackets and boots. Yeah and sometimes I cry and i dont know why.

Dear Mr President

2006-03-08T16:36:00.000Z

Can we at least agree on the story from the start. Are we going to invade Iran because we care desperately about women's rights. Is it so that democracy can leap like a flame from the burning torch of Iraq spreading etc. Is it something to do with Oil. Are we going back to the weapons of mass destruction that could be used within whatever story. Or will we be told once the battle is lost and won, I for one will not apologize for the removal of the Ayatollahs from Iran. It's like seeing the same cat pass by twice only it's not deja vue and there is no matrix. Though I have seen the Ghost in the Machine now and maybe the sequel will be worth a watch. I did think about postponing my letter to the Commissioner until after this war. But if I start waiting for war in the middle east to end I might as well not bother. I don't wish to make another pointless rant and the idiocy of the yanks but my God you are stupid and that is only a really attractive quality in women. What did I do? Yeah yeah attack me why don't you it's all a bit too retroflective if you ask me.

Marketing Activity

2006-03-08T11:49:00.000Z

It's time to have a recruitment open day for the Order so as subjects of goode Queen Bess and in order to comply with the Serious Organised Crime and Police Act 2005, I am today having scribes compose a suitable letter requesting permission to recruit for the Al-Aksa Martyrs Indulgences Fund outwith the Palace of Westminster which is designated national security zone. And if the Commissioner declines to grant his permission, which is well within his rights. We will write a second letter asking for the right to assemble and petition HM the Queen outwith the House of the Commoners, for the sacking of the Commissioner of Police and his consequential enoblement to the House of Lords. Following is the procedure for those wishing to express democratic rights of assembly protest (what they call in foreign lands people power) taken from the aforementioned Act. It has not taken into account current anti-terrorist legislation recently revised by the Upper Chamber and awaiting those revisions being overturned by the illegal use of the Parliament Act by the Lower Chamber.

133 Notice of demonstrations in designated area

(1) A person seeking authorisation for a demonstration in the designated area must give written notice to that effect to the Commissioner of Police of the Metropolis (referred to in this section and section 134 as "the Commissioner").

(2) The notice must be given-

(a) if reasonably practicable, not less than 6 clear days before the day on which the demonstration is to start, or

(b) if that is not reasonably practicable, then as soon as it is, and in any event not less than 24 hours before the time the demonstration is to start.

(3) The notice must be given-

(a) if the demonstration is to be carried on by more than one person, by any of the persons organising it,

(b) if it is to be carried on by a person by himself, by that person.

(4) The notice must state-

(a) the date and time when the demonstration is to start,

(b) the place where it is to be carried on,

(c) how long it is to last,

(d) whether it is to be carried on by a person by himself or not,

(e) the name and address of the person giving the notice.

(5) A notice under this section must be given by-

(a) delivering it to a police station in the metropolitan police district, or

(b) sending it by post by recorded delivery to such a police station.

(6) Section 7 of the Interpretation Act 1978 (c. 30) (under which service of a document is deemed to have been effected at the time it would be delivered in the ordinary course of post) does not apply to a notice under this section.

134 Authorisation of demonstrations in designated area

(1) This section applies if a notice complying with the requirements of section 133 is received at a police station in the metropolitan police district by the time specified in section 133(2).

(2) The Commissioner must give authorisation for the demonstration to which the notice relates.

(3) In giving authorisation, the Commissioner may impose on the persons organising or taking part in the demonstration such conditions specified in the authorisation and relating to the demonstration as in the Commissioner's reasonable opinion are necessary for the purpose of preventing any of the following-

(a) hindrance to any person wishing to enter or leave the Palace of Westminster,

(b) hindrance to the proper operation of Parliament,

(c) serious public disorder,

(d) serious damage to property,

(e) disruption to the life of the community,

(f) a security risk in any part of the designated area,

(g) risk to the safety of members of the public (including any taking part in the demonstration).

(4) The conditions may, in particular, impose requirements as to-

(a) the place where the demonstration may, or may not, be carried on,

(b) the times at which it may be carried on,

(c) the period during which it may be carried on,

(d) the number of persons who may take part in it,

(e) the number and size of banners or placards used,

(f) maximum permissible noise levels.

(5) The authorisation must specify the particulars of the demonstration given in the notice under section 133 pursuant to subsection (4) of that section, with any modifications made necessary by any condition imposed under subsection (3) of this section.

(6) The Commissioner must give notice in writing of-

(a) the authorisation,

(b) any conditions imposed under subsection (3), and

(c) the particulars mentioned in subsection (5),

to the person who gave the notice under section 133.

(7) Each person who takes part in or organises a demonstration in the designated area is guilty of an offence if -

(a) he knowingly fails to comply with a condition imposed under subsection (3) which is applicable to him (except where it is varied under section 135), or

(b) he knows or should have known that the demonstration is carried on otherwise than in accordance with the particulars set out in the authorisation by virtue of subsection (5).

(8) It is a defence for a person accused of an offence under subsection (7) to show-

(a) (in a paragraph (a) case) that the failure to comply, or

(b) (in a paragraph (b) case) that the divergence from the particulars,

arose from circumstances beyond his control, or from something done with the agreement, or by the direction, of a police officer.

(9) The notice required by subsection (6) may be sent by post to the person who gave the notice under section 133 at the address stated in that notice pursuant to subsection (4)(e) of that section.

(10) If the person to whom the notice required by subsection (6) is to be given has agreed, it may be sent to him by email or by facsimile transmission at the address or number notified by him for the purpose to the Commissioner (and a notice so sent is "in writing" for the purposes of that subsection).

135 Supplementary directions

(1) This section applies if the senior police officer reasonably believes that it is necessary, in order to prevent any of the things mentioned in paragraphs (a) to (g) of subsection (3) of section 134-

(a) to impose additional conditions on those taking part in or organising a demonstration authorised under that section, or

(b) to vary any condition imposed under that subsection or under paragraph (a) (including such a condition as varied under subsection (2)).

(2) The senior police office may give directions to those taking part in or organising the demonstration imposing such additional conditions or varying any such condition already imposed.

(3) A person taking part in or organising the demonstration who knowingly fails to comply with a condition which is applicable to him and which is imposed or varied by a direction under this section is guilty of an offence.

(4) It is a defence for him to show that the failure to comply arose from circumstances beyond his control.

(5) In this section, "the senior police officer" means the most senior in rank of the police officers present at the scene (or any one of them if there are more than one of the same rank).

Not entirely sure what that all means. I think it means if I write and ask permission I am entitled to a reply and I if i stick that reply to my torso I won't get shot by the SRR, but given that Kratos is still in place they don't shoot at the torso I guess that wasn't the problem. The problem is that Babs the Chief Constable of the Welsh called it Kratos damned oxford humane letters training, now if she has gone with pansydaisy I can't see the Officer of the Watch screaming down the walkie-talkie, it's getting out of hand switch from code red and initiate pansydaisy protocols. When discussing in the action room with the red light and the gels moving toy soldiers on the big board with the long sticks, if anyone suggested do you think it's time to initiate the pansydaisy protocols, you know the reaction, steady there son, let's not get ahead of ourselves, let's just arrest the bugger and beat the crap out if him and video the whole thing like the professionals do in Iraq. This is based on the theory that words have power. I tend to buy into that more, maybe my age. If there hadn't been a word untermensch, because the word is a lie, it doesn't mean anything, if people had recongized that the language was lying then there could not have been ethnic cleansing. But we had behaved as if it were so for so long that no one challenged the word when the word confirmed the lie.

Not really sure why they abolished the right to peaceful assembly around the institutions of our democracy and why it was done in the Serious Organised Crime ad Police Act 2005. We aren't French. Even our students prefer to bide the time queueing until the next election day. Queueing has nothing whatsoever to do with People Power or Marches regardless of their superficial similarities. Foreign johnnies who know how to change governments with people power haven't got a clue how to queue with sang froid, and frankly if we forget how to queue in this once great land, what will distinguish a gentleman from a barbarian living under a fatally flawed honour code. I thought I'd aim for April 1 I'll let you know the Commisioner's response.

SRR (Special Reconnaissance Regiment)

2006-03-07T15:21:00.000Z

It is with gratitude that today the Knights received an acknowledgement from Her Majesty's Department of Culture Sport and Fun. Clearly Tess has accepted the post of Lady Commissioner for Indulgences to the pagans. On the matter of collection of dues once pledged, I like the look of the boys and gels from the SRR under Commander Cressida Dick 11 bullets over 30 seconds pumped in via the back of a head to that jean-charles de menezes. They ain't going to be burying him in an open coffin, that's how the special forces do an execution, i think it removes any sense of glorification from those evil men who don't love their children as we do. Ok so occasionally we kill one of the super mario brothers. But we shouldn't blame our brave and fearless boys in blue. Boys will be boys afterall. And I don't think we will be getting any late payments do you. As for whatever happened to jean-charles de menezes, well dying at 27, handsome young man I believe I speak for all londoners that we are more than happy to shrug our shoulders and carry on because it's not as bad as Brazil, their police kill on average a 1000 people a year in any major city. So definitely got some leg room there. I don't think we need to get concerned until the numbers reach the hundreds or of course unless they kill someone we love. If the CPS do eventually prosecute someone the Knights would like first bagsie on them. Now we have a friend in Tess, and she has a friend in Tony and he has a friend in baby jesus, i think we can ask for whatsoever we wish. Let's not get carried away by the ignorant half-witted explanations of american presidents referring to the manichean dualistic dichotomy (now they have an excuse that they do not understand my meaning) of the mythic battle between ultimate good and abysmal ewil. It is about choosing sides. I am a traveller from the east sojourning in the west, I have found kafirs here who behave like muslims, and muslims who behave like kafirs. Evil always lies in the last place that you look for it, thus no matter how weak and cowardly it may be, it always has the element of surprise. The SRR and I both agree that's quite handy to have.

As to why we do not offer indulgences for the soul of Jean-Charles de Menezes, i refer you to the answer given earlier.

I can idenify the culprits they were wearing red masks

2006-03-07T08:45:00.000Z

The enemy is a Zapatista, more precisely a sub-comandante Marcos, often accompanied by a knight errant beetle who calls himself El Durito and a deformed sexually dysfunctional homosexual chicken called The Penguin. They wear red masks and have clay feet. I don't have to make up stuff. There doesn't seem anything left to make up.

The thing to remind yourself about the enemy is they aren't like us. They have no compassion or any of the more decent values such as democracy, the free market economy, or vorsprung durch technic. What they want these subservise commie preverts is to get all the hispanics out of amurka (so far so good) to drop out and return to an agricultural based community form of life. I shit you not. That's their plan. Unlike our rather more polished sophisticated plan of raising indulgences for the worldwide Al Aqsa Martyrs and their ilk thing please send all cheques or postal orders to Tessa Jowell MP PC Lady High Commissioner for Indulgences Department of Culture Sport and Fun, Houses of Parliament, London WC1, their plan has little or no chance of success - and little is out of town. They clearly do not love their children as we do. No Nikes, no Coca Cola, no shopping malls, the kids will die of boredom. So fine let them deliver their message the lord God Kukulkan, the God of our Ancestors bids me tell thee, let my people go. Let's see how far that gets them. Is no one trying to buy off everyone wearing a red mask. No I tells you what they are doing. They are giving them driver's licences. We didn't win the battle of the Alamo by giving the mexicans driver's licences.

Hey Drac, let her go. You know what they say, if you can lose a blonde then maybe you never had one, hang about they say that about Faith and we know that ain't true. Anyway it's the thought that counts and I was tinking something supportive.

Muchly appreciated.

I still love you well I am bluffing but I want to love you I just thought I could fake it till i make it, it is getting easier over the years mind.

Rt Hon Tessa Jowell MP PC

2006-03-06T19:50:00.000Z

Treat an enemy as if they may one day become a friend and vice versa. Ajax now reduced to a toilet cleaner once a hero of the Trojan war. So it is with great delight and I too can say that with honesty not just the sheep at the Westminster Politburo, that I announce that our very own Tessa is hereby appointed High Commissioner for Indulgences of the order of the Knights of the Garter-Belt. She'll probably be wanting a job soon anyway and so I emailed her about it. I doubt she will reply personally. Apparently she just agrees to anything these days outwith actually looking them over. Ditzy can be good and I think she's exactly what we need to sell this idea to the pagans. The wonderful thing about the modern world is that there are so many ways to have democratic wishes ignored, telephone, fax, email. We are truly blessed.

Other news to day 9 days and counting for the food to run out in Kenya according to the CEO of the World Food Programme. With 17% of the rainforests gone only another 23% before the tipping point is tipped and the whole lot dies. The good news is they didn't soak up the global warming gases at all. Bad news is around half the worlds species of plants and animals will die with them, we can't be certain, most of them we weren't aware of and you can't miss what you never had.

Welcome Tessa, I should much rather sleep with the foolish maidens than watch in vigil with the wise ones. Edinburgh, Aberdeen, Goldsmiths member of the Privy Council and has no idea what a mortgage agreement looks like. Bless. Whats not to like.

Zacarias Moussaoui case no 1/2006/9-11-2002

2006-03-06T15:58:00.000Z

In the aforementioned case it is reaffirmed that judicial murder is intrinsically evil and no human authority has the right to shorten the life sentence granted by God. Given that if God's law is being violated it is for God alone to respond. We have nothing further to add but to request that the United States authorities show restraint and that Zacarias Moussaoui be not executed for his crimes instead that he be given a lesser sentence of imprisonment outwith possibility of parole.

However if the United States authorities fails to take notice of our just and godly advice it would seem reasonable at the point of his execution to petition our Lord via the suffrages made available to Our Holy Mumsie the Church as treasurer of the merit etc and to offer indulgences for the quick release of Zacarias Moussaoui from the punishments due for his forgiven sins. If he were to live the full amount of life alloted to him he could make his own reparations as he sees fit. If he is deprived of the rights God granted to him it is our duty to make reparations on his behalf.

This is the teaching of our Holy Mumsie the Church if anyone finds fault with it we urge you to correct the teaching politely as required by Canon 212 or have the indulgences thwarted by tribunal following Canon 221. Otherwise expect a miracle on earth after his execution at the hands of Caesar and his entering into the kindome by virtue of the work of the Knights of the Garter-Belt.

Clearly the reason knights have never suggested or pondered raising indulgences for those murdered by suicide bombers is by analogy the same reason we should not offer pro bono plastic surgery to the young and beautiful, we should offer it to the ugly. I do not believe in a God who would punish further those murdered by men driven by Faith to do His Will. God does not have the right to punish them further, whether they be saints sinners devils or angels. God has the right to punish suicide bombers and their accomplices even when they are murdered by our judiciary. God had the right to grant the attempted suicide bomber Boenhoffer any reward he sees fit. That is why the Knights reserve our merits and suffrages only for the Al Aqsa martyrs and their ilk because there is no one else who enjoys God's favour would do this for them.

Ahlan wa Sahlan

Millions will die

2006-03-06T10:12:00.000Z

in Kenya. Yes we all know. Your point being? I am with Legolas on this one. It's not our fight. We are here to gain indulgences in lieu of temporal punishment for suicide bombers. Put it this way. Death by thirst is pretty fiercesome. Compared to the indulgences we knights have been raising, obviously not taking into account the treasury of merits of Our Holy Mumsie the Church. I mean those guys can turn unleavened bread and low alcohol wine into God Enfleshed, so even taking into account, all that pain and suffering on a people regardless of culpa or justitia, well you'd think that would count for them at the terrible day of God's Anger. How about this way. You may be the King of Gondor but this ain't Gondor and you ain't even a Ranger here so bug off.

And for those of us who don't come from Middle Earth or the 1960s. I used to worry about a receding hair line. Well when I was younger I didn't mainly because a young hairdresser (probably a Leo) told me that I would never go bald. Looking back it's not so much a lie as how the hell would she know. I am sure she meant something about the condition of my hair then not what may come. That's not the point. So I had been worring about a receding hair line. Then I thought actually would suit the Samurai style. Hair recedes tonsure like the rest grows long. Then of course I find that my hair line isn't receding nearly fast enough. In fact it doesn't now look like its receding at all. Apologia pro vita sua. Now that's the way to do spin.

The Oscars

2006-03-05T11:58:00.000Z

I certainly appreciate a good film. I was half thinking of seeing walk the line tomorrow if just for the music. And some days a good action blockbuster makes life worthwhile. And I can sort of understand the need for AGMs, politbureau meetings, lots of applause. And I definitely empathize with the whole insecure luvvie darling it was you, what can I say, I am speechless mwah mwah. This is where I get a bit lost though. Why? The Oscars yes. Why? Not why what. No point in producing a shopping list. Why? Had that Joan Baez on my television screen recently, not bad for her age ol gil. You mean a billion people, and all the really powerful rich ones, will watch the Oscars. It's like band aid outwith the social conscience. Why? I have decided to stop writing semantically meaningless. Better to take that as read. Need to find a different way to write why outwith a shopping list.

The knights have formally constituted a commission for indulgences following articles 215 and 216 of the code of canon law. We can now licitly employ commissioners for indulgences. just like the old days. And one moment here not like the old days. We are so not selling indulgences. We are out of our charity and with supererogatory generosity offering those non-baptized into the true faith the chance to benefit from the treasury of merits of both Christ (infinite), the virgin mary (massive almost beyond count) and to a lesser extent the communion of saints (definitely reckonable but very well done all the same) the only way that is possibly licit. They work transfer their good deeds to Euro and we send this on to the Pope or his representatives. It's really like helping poor little brown babies in africa only in reverse. Shame on you for suggesting udderwise. Now how to broach this with that pompous git the Cardinal outwith causing an eruption. We really need to get the kitty up before we attempt that lads. Send your Euro now all you infidels, doubtfully baptized and members of extra-ecclesial communities. And tell ya friends.

Canons 212 215 216 & 221

2006-03-04T18:21:00.000Z

So how do you escourt a superior officer to the brig. Politely. That's 212. The articles of incorporation for the Most Holy & Apostolic Knights of the Order of the Frilly Pink Chantilly Lace Garter-Belt are approved by the code of Canon Law according to Canons 215 & 216. Basically don't call yourselves Catholic and you can call yourselves whatsoever you like. 221 is a bit like Magna Carta before it was overturned by the Prince of Blair and his Lady Chief Justice Cherie. If there be any Catholic who knows of just cause or impediment why the Knights should be crushed to dust and their assets confiscated with good precedent they will first have to set up a competent tribunal to try us even with prima facie evidence.

Glad we got the legal stuff out of the way.

Another pearl.

An indulgence for the living is by right. But before you cockasnoop at God proudly crowing I've just had all my satisfaction paid and there ain't n'owt you can do abowt it, just remember. He could harden your heart and cause you either to commit a mortal sin or more likely lots of venial sins and then even a plenary indulgence would have been in vain. A bit like sisyphus it ain't over until it's over. Indulgences gained for the dead obviously cannot act in the same way if you think about it. They are said to act out of suffrage. Because if they did act in the same way as for the living well then the dead could very well cockasnoop at god and laugh hysterically because with a plenary indulgence for example all the temporal punishment would vanish they would go straight to heaven. So to avoid the whole get out of purgatory go straight to heaven no matter what God thinks about this whole sordid affair heavenly corruption angle well you can see why the dead have to wait upon God to determine what or whether our indulgence will have any effect for them. Remember people the lessons of Canon 212 if you are going to relieve a Bishop of his authority and do have the support of the congregation just be polite ask two deacons to accompany him to a designated place see to all his needs until a tribunal can be formed polite polite polite. So much more when presenting a plenary indulgence by suffrage for the intentions of the dead to God almighty h'self. Politely or not at all. Otherwise there could be an erruption.

Staking Claim for Responsibility for Terrorist Attack

2006-03-04T12:14:00.000Z

As Hedgefriar Spokesperson I claim responsibility for the terrorist attack on the minister formerly known as Mrs Jowell. Today Mr Mills the corrupt corporate lawyer bribe taker has announced formal separation from his wife. He states she had no idea where the six hundred thousand dollars she signed for came from. Of the slimy dishonourable acts performed by Englishwomen against their lords and masters this one is noteworthy. That is the downside of sending suffrage to Al Aqsa martyrs and their ilk. Once they enter the Church Triumphant old habits die hard. I had intended that she face the consequences of her arrogance and greed and tender her resignation to the Crown. Instead she has shown herself to be disloyal morally bankrupt (under the old rules where you got locked up or hanged not the new ones which inconvenience you for five years). She has publicly shown herself to be a very bad woman. She has forfeited the right to be considered a right thinking member of society. Our victory is total. I am impressed with the swiftness of your justice oh my brothers. There will be no further need for clear and present signs. Sleep till you are called once more.

Jeeze those guys mean business. I best say those Lauds I had been promising for today.

Gary Glitter Paedophiles and the Prince of Blair

2006-03-04T09:10:00.000Z

Knights are often asked why do you offer your merits and suffrages for suicide bombers and not perhaps more evil people like Gary Glitter or Tony Blair. First note no evil person recognizes their own evil. When interviewed both the above protest their innocence their belief that they are being framed by wickeder men because of conspiracies. They have a point all the same. Many sex tourists travel from here abroad and few are every prosecuted. Some travel companies explicitly promote child rape abroad but the robust legislation now in place which took away the defence that the crimes were committed on foreign soil has led to only one prosecution that I have heard of. Similarly war criminals have no place to hide. Well you can see where I am going with this can't you. So the Prince of Blair to prepare for his tour of southern baptist cattle and oil men societies has announced that 'when you have the faith of course you trust other people to make these judgements' i am sorry by other people you mean 'well yes if you have faith and if you believe in that sort of thing yes of course I mean God' He isn't the First Lord of the Treasury. He no longer tries to spin. And spin was the only thing he was ever good at. We don't do God in politics here. If Muslims don't care about this then why do they make such a fuss about danish cartoons. The rational response is when waging war in the middle east it's better not to stir in your own personal cult beliefs. As the parents of the dead soldiers put it, we had thought our children were sent to their deaths purely because of inaccurate military intelligence and the disingenuous tendentious use of intelligence, but if the prime minister is now claiming the decision was out of his hands he prayed about it and God told him, well that sort of works if the decision proves widely popular and successful but even then best kept for the memoirs after retirement not while you are sending more troops to support modern american imperialism.

The answer of course is simple. Suicide bombers are dead. Indulgences cannot be transferred to the living. I can see how that might confound the faithful. The living can increase in merits and love. The dead cannot, well apart from that minority opinion of one dead pope. So we can transfer suffrages to the dead not merits. However let us suppose Our Holy Mother Church hadn't explained this as well as She could have in the way She misrepresented the ban on money lending at interest (obviously the bar on usury still holds obviously). Can we not then transfer the indulgences as is, then as they are skinned of their merits before consumption by the dead can we not trust that a beneficent merciful God allah rahman rahim will out of his generosity transfer those to the living who are in greater need. Indeed even if the dead cannot increase in merit or love (presumably because they are already divinised) there is nothing to stop them by their prayers overdetermining the increase in merits and love of the living. Let's stick with the plan people I think it's working.

Maybe the Al Aqsa martyrs in their zeal to repay our suffrages have decided to take out Blair and Mrs Mills two corrupt politicians with one Rock.

I had a terrible time last night recalling the engagement present (first fiancee) I got from my friend matthew. It was a hand made swiss carriage clock of that ilk. My cousin said how much he liked it so after it was over I let him have it. I recall one day his telling me that he had got a deal on it and offered me twenty pounds. I told him then it was worth thousands and he was a thief like his mother. I wonder why i recalled that last night. I guess because it was twenty years ago and it's awful to recall when so much time has been stolen. And we live in eternity so. But time still matters. Again I wanted it to be over sooner. As when I walked back along Eaton Rise a quart of a mile and I'd think of when i was at home and how it would feel so much better. There are always things to see on that walk. Given that wishing the walk was over soon don't make it end. Perhaps I'll look around more.

The tablets they have given me very cheaply on the NHS do what they say. And if they want to recall me the tablets won't stop them now will they. I must say Lauds. Why must I reject Deontology hmmm?

The Vow

2006-03-03T19:10:00.000Z

I vow to thee from this day forward all merits and suffrages directly and indirectly mine for the exclusive benefit of the Al Aqsa martyrs and their ilk unless at the point of my death my own disrepair requires a greater satisfaction than theirs in which case I revoke this vow retrospective to this time of avowal.

The heroism of this act of charity comes from the freeing from narcissisism. A Knight can no longer offer personal assistance or offer to wear the favour of any maiden or vagabond in need. The heroism comes from standing back from the fray so that those appointed may do the work their way outwith interference. I think they call it being boundaried, although I am sure the unions called it demarcation lines.

This whole indulgence business plan is turning into a minefield of jargon and legalese. It really is incredibly fascinating. Sort of like finding a manufacturer's manual for one's self and realising it's translated by a japanese exchange student from German and he was relying on Babelfish. A lifetime's study then. What a wonderful gift.

Pearl for a day.

Knights are often asked what's the deal with the plenary indulgence.

I am glad to have this opportunity. Basically a plenary indulgence removes all the punishment from forgiven sin. This tends to throw peeps. God can forgive sin. God can forget your sins entirely. But that doesn't mean it isn't going to hurt. It always hurts. I don't need to offer proof for that. Lots of clever people tried to find out why and its a bit of a mystery. So the plenary indulgence is a big mofucker hug from Big Daddy (of Big Daddy the Kid and Spooky fame). But very difficult nigh impossible to get one if you don't however it reverts to a partial indulgence which we get every day. Perhaps think of it like playing the lotto. You'd kick yourself now wouldn't you if your numbers had come up but you forgot to buy the ticket. So in order to buy the ticket for a plenary indulgence don't forget all you catholic christians in fullish communion with Mumsie Church you need two sacraments reconciliation and eucharist and two prayers for the intentions of our Holy Father the Pope. The main condition that of being in a state of grace does limit the type of person who might have a reasonable chance of getting a plenary. St Theresa the Great, a Prayer Master said when she was suffering aridity she would say the Our Father. She didn't have to go more than the first line before entering a state of grace. I find it difficult not to commit a sin in the course of saying an Our Father. It's not that I am scrupulous more that a state of grace is like wearing a suit of armour two sizes smaller for me, not really practicable for more than a few moments at a time. I hope that has helped you'all. Time for further study of the Enchiridion, papal documents and the teachings of the scholastics on this probably the most important piece of spiritual research the equivalent some would argue of cold fusion for nuclear energy.

Heroic Act

2006-03-02T19:22:00.000Z

It is quite important to clear up one point so as to avoid scandal and abuse and other bad things. The gaining of indulgences for the Al Aqsa Martyrs (and other suicide bombers of whatever faith or persuasion) should in no way be considered as an early parole from the pangs of purgatory. That would be plain silly. The indulgences provide a satisfaction for offences committed against God and act by way of suffrage not justice. The way to consider it then is more like lobbying for a presidential pardon. I really hope I have not caused confusion or upset in my previous oversimplification of the great and noble work of the ancient and venerable Order of the Knights of the frilly garter-belt (founded circa Ash Wednesday 2006 CE).

The revocable vow of the heroic act of charity will be the vow of induction into the Order. For the ignorant the Vow entails the willing altruistic offering of all merits and suffrages gained both in this life and the next for the souls of the Al Aqsa Martyrs and their ilk. For those Xtians who are anonymous buddhists this is equivalent to the mahayana aspiration I shall not enter nirvana until every blade of grass has entered nirvana only more compassionate because blades of grass probably haven't offended as many sentient beings as the Al-Aksa martyrs and their ilk. The daily discipline of knights of our order comprises lauds and vespers of the office of the dead which accrue partial indulgences.

Having taken the vow by papal decree all knights may take a crack at a plenary indulgence whenever they remember the souls of the Al Aqsa Martyrs and their ilk at the altar of our God (following the usual conditions Confession Our Father Hail Mary for the intentions of the Pope and of course communion).

Donations can always be converted to merits. It would be helpful to work out a scale though this would have to take into account currency fluctuations and their corrollories (how do you spell that word) in spiritual economics.

And the master replied who is need of a physician the healthy or the sick?

Having found a loose thread on the woollen thong of Our Holy Mother Church we ask only that her true sons and daughters tug with

2006-03-02T15:24:00.000Z

Suicide Bombers's appeal

2006-03-01T19:04:00.000Z

There is always a quid pro quo. The first appeal to the freed souls of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Indulgence Fund is could you see yourselves clear to sacking Tessa Jowel aka Mrs Mills. I am sure she is a delightful woman and probably no more corrupt than any other politician. It irks. Her husband got caught accepting $600,000 dollars for being economical with the truth so the Mafia boss who runs Italy can stay out of prison and in government. Ministers should really be more careful the documents they sign. Not the most terrible crime in the world today. And certainly not the most arduous of tasks. We get you out of the painful torments of purificatory wotnots, and all we ask in return is one little favour from time to time, and that day of course may never come. Consider it a practice session. We are in no rush. You have until the end of the week.

And obviously Signor Sylvia Berlusconi (tough karma to be landed with a girl's name but that's no excuse we all heard the man in black sing about a man called sue but i don't recall him ever trying to bribe the corrupt corporate lawyer spouse of a minister of state in some nefarious conspiracy to overthrow the Italian government) if you would like to join the Knights of the Garter-Belt, we will happily take your money and if your contribution lessens the temporal punishment due for your sins either here or in the next life well that's why we are here. Being a bit of a financial fiddler yourself you will notice the benefits of giving indirectly via the Al Aqsa Martyrs' Indulgences Fund. First by performing the partial indulgence tasks (I think we shouldn't attempt a plenary indulgence for the moment sir no point trying to run before we walk now is there sir) you obtain some remittance on the satisfaction. Then by offering up that indulgence for the martyrs suffering in purgatory our Holy Mother Church will match your exemption from temporal punishment on a one for one basis (i believe that's the fourth norm from the enchiridion please be sure to read all the small print involved) now baby jesus seeing how generous you are may make some ex gratia exemptions but obviously these are not yours by canonical right although I can with confidence assure you that baby jesus has been very generous to knights of our order in the past (wink wink). Finally having released the poor sods from purgatorial fire as it were they are often themselves overwhelmed with gratitude and one could not unreasonably expect further spontaneous remissions due to their further divinized state. Not to mention the perqs.

Not to mention also that this is a time honoured way of laundering money if for example you had robbed 53 million squid and were throwing a few million away you might consider our Holy Mother Church registered head office Vatican City for donations to our various causes. I speak as a disowned hedgefriar of said One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church the stone that was rejected became the keystone it was the Lord's doing and a wonder in our eyes and all that jazz.

Don't worry about where to post cash or cheques. If you want to donate we can find you anywhere, and we'd like you to think of that offer more in terms of a promise. But be assured we can find you anywhere.

So any time this week no rush but I shouldn't leave it too late.

Al Aqsa Martyrs Indulgences Fund

2006-03-01T11:20:00.000Z

I accept the title is working only needs a snappier memorable acronym. The Ash Wednesday breaking of the fast was revelatory, burning bush meets road to damascus, I now have a spiritual business plan.

You recall the third man, my Lord takes you up to a high building as shows you the people wandering around like ants. If I gave you $250,000 for each one of these tiny specks that I wipe out how many would be enough, how many should I kill. As if you care for tiny specks of which you know nothing. But you want to pretend to care because if the world knew the true motivation for our most virtuous acts should we not be thoroughly ashamed. So I'll help you I'll kill one now. There you go a cool quarter of a million. Do you really want to turn the money down. Do you really want me to give the jackpot to someone who is truly unworthy and will squander it on doing evil and shallow forgettable deeds. How many it's a simple question. No one is listening how much will you need assuming a healthy life-span and mindful that to live a millionaire lifestyle takes quite a few million these days.

I had thought I was clever for thinking big. 3 billion I said. Hell let's round that up to four billion. That's a million billion dollars, is that a hundred trillion in american. It's a lot though isn't it. Think of all the good we can do with that. Not to mention just by getting rid of 2/3 of the population we have already solved the problem of overpopulation and it's symptoms of scarcity of natural resources.

But this is why we need from time to time to meet and break the fast. Why don't you set up a fund to provide indulgences for suicide bombers. Genius. You know when you have come home and see the place as if for the first time. It's exciting and right like the first kiss. So for now I am just asking for pledges. Once we get a reasonable amount in the kitty I'll take my audience with the Cardinal and get this show on the road. I feel like Paul of Tarsus.

For the ignorant an indulgence is a way of providing satisfaction. They are non-transferable to the living because this side of death transferring indulgences would just encourage co-dependency and how is sinner supposed to learn if you take all the lessons for them. The other side of the Death line they are fully transferable to anyone who isn't actually consigned to Hell. And sources close to the Vatican suggest that nobody goes to hell. The whole thing was basically a boogey man story propagated by baby Jesus et al in the same way as a loving father tells the tale to help children get a good night's sleep so they can get up early for school and fulfill their potential. We don't actually believe that the boogey man will punish wayward children who stay up late in fact I am pretty sure that Santa brings far better presents to bad boys and girls than to good ones, but that isn't the story to tell our children now is it.

So my mission is what is has always been Alhamdullilah, to encourage the faithful who are capable under the norms provided by Canon Law and confirmed by John Paul II incarnationis mysterium and Paul VI sacred constituion on indulgences and I am damn sure Ratzinger Beneditto XVIII will have something to say on it eventually, to offer up good works or preferably to exchange these works for easily transferable media of exchange, for now I think the Euro would be a good currency. Then we will pass them on to the Holy See or the local patriarch for now Cormac or Benedict, and help to free the Al Aqsa Martyrs but really any suicide bomber from the horrific cleansing of purgatory some see it as fire like unto hell, others describe it as fifty spinsters you have to satisfy at the same time. Either way what I am suggesting is a thoroughly decent thing for any catholic christian to devote the lives or if not their lives than some money to.

Once I get ten followers I will of course seek papal approval for the Knights of the Garterbelt motto Memoriam Quorum Praeterierunt, who will administer the fund to raise indulgences for suicide martyrs of our cousins in Faith sons and daughters of Abraham, sons and daughters of Hagar.

Our sign shall be in BSL. Name my Joseph I your brother.
This day I pledge 27 Euro to the Al Aqsa Martyrs Indulgences Fund. And may God have mercy on their souls. I encourage all Catholic Christians outwith impediments to follow the exhortations of our Holy Mother Church and stop whining about changing the world and get with the programme.

Shrove Tuesday Eve

2006-02-27T12:35:00.000Z

It being the abeyant custom to shed this eve of the lenten eve all unfinished works I enclose an unfinished novel. Not really sure where it was going

(Working Title)
Punctuation isnt important
(sub-title)
I was in a computer generated world and someone was typing me a /w personal message saying gna sue u. git yrslf a lwyer. I was slightly irritated because its a nonsense to try to sue someone over the internet just working out jurisdiction would take years. Then the frustration of typing back a put-down line before I was placed on an /ignore list. Should I go with /w git a life asshole or /w Learn how to spell first. IRL we think of the witty put-down lines long after the event. In interactive massively multi-player on line games its a case of trying to pick the best retort before being placed on the /ignore list and receiving the automatic immediate incontrovertible retort. You are now being ignored by Player XXX. Yet even though I am not on an interactive computer game. I am dreaming about one I no longer play. Its not the threat of fantasy legal action or the toxic neuroticism of nerd life. What really irritates me inspite of the working title is that I am being attacked by someone who can't spell and doesnt know the difference between grammar and syntax. I am comforted that both Bruce Lee and Wittgenstein would agree with me, punctuation isnt important for those who have transcended the punctuational state, bothering about punctuation hinders the free flow of good writing. It is of help for readers, it is unworthy of a good writor to collude with the laziness of poor readers by putting in all the punctuation for them.

And yet its viscerally irritating to read the unhelpfully punctuated piss-poorly spelt inelegantly ordered words of the other even when they have something quite interesting to say. Why? I am proud to profess that I am a gay gypsy flouting rules and conventions in passionate songs of freedom, these are who I become.

Have I not learmt the musicality of punctuation, of rhythm, where and when to breathe, to clench my buttocks or relax cheeks intoning from the chest. Did I not as a pre-Divine dare to limbo dance a candle flame on one breath, Have I not journeyed and prevailed all for the love of words and their composition.

Who gives a fuck about the use of a comma to differentiate the restrictive and non-restrictive relative clause, so. Though I find the distinction intriguing, Its magnificent but its not Art.

How I envy scientists and their pithy legends. Work out the formula for your hypothesis and youll fall over the title. But then again this does do away with the need for picture on the jacket cover. Well done that novelist. Take the rest of the day off.

1
It is time to think outwith the box. I have begun to follow the advice of my invisible inaudible giant purple rabbit. Of course I know that its advice is odd, not normal, it's not a tax accountant who retrained as a careers advisor after his mid-life crisis.

So why follow its advice.

Same reason I'd follow the advice of the burnt out tax accountant retrained as a careers advisor. Because I am out of options.

How do you know what it is saying.

With your vanilla giant purple rabbit it's only the others who can't see or hear it. Still a good question then, but unlike many good questions one for which I have an answer.

Consider a spouse at an anniversary. How I betray my last century roots. You know the present he wants and has asked for repeatedly but you will have never seen or heard him ask for it.

So how did you know? Now that's a good question for which you have an ineffable answer, and I think I mean ineffable, unless that means something completely different, and it probably does as well.

Let me try and fail better. Sometimes a present is a symbol of consideration, unrepayable gratitude, love; and sometimes it is a black head remover for the purpose of removing unsightly blackheads. So was he really gazing with eyes of love at the blackhead remover or was it the Ipod strategically placed next to it. Or was she lost in thought about next week's.... Or was it not window shopping at all but another rest-break excuse because cramps demanded them. We create an hypothesis, bracket it off, winnowing thru observations, until the appointed hour, when certain of our telepathic connection we enflesh the heart's desire.

Or we could have the row. Why didn't you just ask me. What. Am I a mind reader. What do you mean you shouldn't have to ask. Isn't it enough that I want to please you if you tell me what it is you want. What are you testing my love consideration empathy and willingness to go the extra mile or my psionic skills. And don't bring my mother into this. Then go for fuck sake you melodramatic. If you are too tired for Telepathic receptivity, then you will be too tired for rowing, oh but you aren't too tired for sex. Yeah but why do I feel bad about not being too tired for sex. Its like being too full for greens but I still have room for chocolate sorbet.

Talking of enfleshing desire. At the end of our course on spirituality one tutor spoke of the goal as enfleshing our valeities. He was a Jesuit. And I remember thinking at the time that he had really wanted to say incarnating our entelechy but felt that few would have understood him. When I say few I mean me and Joe. But we all loved him and loved what he said and that he could use his own words which few inkled and we all still knew that he loved us. And he knew that we knew.

A lion in winter married that year and those who met his bride knew she enfleshed his valeities. I have always known in my heart that I can never be happy until I am with her whom my soul loveth, my soul mate, the ground in whom I live and breathe and have my being. But the wise know that no one can find happiness outside of themselves. If I cannot be happy alone I shall just make those around me miserable for unarguably someone outside of yourself can make you miserable if you live with them.

In simple american english, the heart knows what the heart knows. Does that not translate the french, L'ame a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point. That would depend in part on what the french mean. It is a French thing. The words need to be accompanied by gestures. And some gestures require the grace of a natural dancer.

I googled her again. She is a bar patron, I had read bar girl, in the first Pinoy Film Festival award winning film. Her cousin wrote directed and produced, funded by their respective families. And related journalists reviewed it well. The trailer didn't look as amateurish as I had first thought. For one frame I think I saw a girl at bar holding a wine glass but I am sure it was not her. Probably the Director's girlfriend who co-wrote produced casted and whose family co-funded the film. Regoogling I saw them receiving their awards and yes it is she. But on consideration i think she is the main actress the producer's girlfriend gets only a subliminal frame.

It was nice to hear of her doing something fun. She was always shallow. But this was one news that was refreshingly not about disasters or evil.

I wished her well and her cousin. Though privately I thought how shallow stale weary these shiny happy people are. The filming was done in twelve days at the time of the typhoon that killed thousands and made many more homeless caused by illegal (I presume that means they didn't pay the bribes) overlogging and the weird weather we have been having on planet earth. Mario her cousin notes that the storm did not affect their filming schedule too much and he now has many actor friends. But then Lord Archer said that after his release from prison he retained 292 of the 300 Xmas party friends invited to his exclusive city penthouse venue. He didn't recall that he lost all but one of his friends the day after he declared himself a bankrupt all those many years ago.

I wished her well. (Another heartfelt protestation.) I had seen in her palm that she would change her life of shyness to performing in front of audiences. It was a double head line. Sir Isaac Newton read palms and defended its scientific validity. Did I say I wasnt shallow too. She taught me to embrace my shallow side and to love it. Indeed it was she also who introduced me to Dame Palm and her five lovely daughters. Now now I mean it was with her that I first learnt to Samba, to dance, to believe, to feel love, and because love can never end, because love is eternal it was through her that I first knew that there was never a time that I was not loved and that being loved I could become whatever I might be.

So you wished her well then. As opposed to wishing her an incurable sexually transmitted disease to watch her body chronically suffer slowly devour itself that you could meet once more and whisper to her, who is pretty now.

How noble of you then Sir. By all means wish her well.

Or take God. Or don't take God. Who wants to be mistaken for a fanatic and be shot dead by a hail of warning shots while reading the metro, it's bad enough travelling on the Northern Line. Of course I don't know what actually happened the video footage was wiped clean once obtained by the police. Time and memory will reforge the past. Your bitter memories are but signs of an unhappy present. And now they have released the complete file to the CPS and leaked the evidence to the Press they can't comment further until the CPS decides there is insufficient evidence to prosecute anyone more senior that a probationer constable working in the photocopying department.

Just so long as we feel safe then. For the world has changed. The old rules no longer apply. As if the old rules ever applied.

People used to say aloud that they follow God. No one gave them too much flak. Unless of course they meant something by it. We never really liked the other. What we really really want to do is not welcome diversity and colour, exotic sights tastes and smells. Oh you are such a refreshing bresh of schmuddleness I could eat you. And there Foucault as you say, language betrays us.

We want to slay you eat your heart and bury your soul at the sacred place so that next year the crops will not fail and M&S will have record profits. But then the police come round, asking nosey questions especially that one alcoholic aging inspector now passed over for further promotion, then the slimy undercover reporters, long lost extended family members who clearly have nothing better to do with their time, where were you when they actually needed you eh. And even if they too will enjoy the fruits of the unfailing crops and a new M&S superstore, how much can we trust the neighbours; for everyone with a backyard builds a patio some day. And everyone owns a backyard.

I notice the hole is not circular but triangular and there is no visible shell debris in the gap between the double glazed window panes. I know this not because the Police Scene of Crime Officer was round but because I have seen enough CSI the american version to know about these things. It was a brick not an air rifle. Though apparently when they eventually came and assessed the damage as not covered by insurance it was more likely a catapault.

Mutatis mutandis (something like I know its not the same otherwise it wouldnt be different but its similar enough of which to make sense, outwith being self-explanatory) with the invisible inaudible giant purple rabbit, when I was younger I called him Wilfrid and he was an angel who manned a heavy machine gun on the rooftop wherever I lay. Formerly known as, is not a name, its what people say when they can't say the name and then I might get drawn into questions about at whom was he shooting, was there indeed a shoot first policy, and who is ultimately responsible. I had thought of renaming him the giant penguin. My mistake when asked what does the giant penguin mean the first time I was asked and I had assumed they were asking my expert opinion as one who knows about delirium trementum was to offer an expert opinion instead of sticking to what I know which is, oh that's the invisible inaudible giant penguin that no one can see.

No it's more how an unfinished painting looks so potentially beautiful far more wonderful than when it is completed. It's how all my made up heroes are so witty and wise but if I try to give an example of what they might say they sound trite. Pancho Villa's last words which resonate for the most original wits, No not like this, O God No. . . Tell them I said something.

I have a vague idea what wit and wisdom are, and stand in awe of them. Just because I can't give an adequate brief example it doesn't mean that I don't know what love is. No Socrates you were wrong about that, you bully, you fraud. But you were right about not knowing anything at all. You jammy sod, a bit like Brian, even if you admit the truth who is listening, they think of you what they think of you despite what you say.

Now I fully understand when Garbot says it or Munroe or any really beautiful platinum blonde or from the east a black blonde (not that very dark brown hair that I have which white people call black but that long raven black sheen that is silver black and when from her neck she flicks her hair the whole universe gets whiplash, and when I knew one with long black hair and black eyes I did not notice her hair because she was mine) who would not be intrigued. Odd that an old bald ugly man could be so intriguing. Hope for me yet for all things come around. Silver black what does that mean. Does silver mean something different to you people. I mean of course black that shimmers. So what does the wine dark sea mean. Not red then.

Did I overexplain. That's more why I don't hear or see her, and why the desire to follow her advice is so compelling. Because Her advice is raw uncooked, still ripening on the branch. Unlike the food that moves from hard to rotten outwith an intermediate period of freshness. The time between Sellby and Useby. Don't blame the supermarkets you eat the crap. And for a little extra money they offer special fruit that is perfectly ripe. Odd that you have to pay more for fruit that is ripe and tastes of something. Odd that few notice the oddness.

No She is still fresh living promising rest for my soul and leaving my cares browsing among the lilies.

Curse you for forcing that admission. Yes dammit I admit I am in love with my inaudible invisible giant purple rabbit. She is my gf.

So you heard about Dame Palm and her five lovely daughters but truly they mean nothing to me, its just physical there is only one wabbit I wuv. And I have thought about redirecting the kundalini to flow back up my spinal chord and regenerate the chakras where I did not know I had chakras. Some evenings indeed I do both.

He told me not to repair the window with the crack in it from when the brick was thrown at it, the double glazing vacuum seal isn't as important as they say it is. He said not to inform the police. Just don't let anyone in the room. No one seems to be able to tell from outside. He, She, it's not my fault we don't have a good epicene pronoun.

But everybody seems to know about the hole in the window. They dont talk about it neither. They focus their concern on the wasps nesting behind the tiles around the window.

I used to speak of consequences. The wasps will now be exterminated because they did not defend the home from the brick thrower. Whereas clearly they are being exterminated because they are nesting in the tiles and if they had defended the house from attackers it would not have saved them. But I talk of consequences to perpetuate the great lie. They were killed because they are wasps and it would not matter if they defended the house or assisted the next burglar. Best for them to try to remain unnoticed it was.

I am glad I do not have to lie to help addicts any more. Mumsie did show me a leaflet about neighbourhood watch and their telephone number though. I pretended not to know why, oops. Later that month she asked me directly about the hole in the window and now the man from Everest will come round to examine it before finding a reason why the life time guarantee does not apply in this case. But he didn't make the first appointment. They never do. Or maybe she did try and I told them no more unsolicited calls please take us off your database. And when they did come they replaced the window fairly quickly once they had been paid again.

Bit like when they delivered the new table. They wanted all the cash in advance. Only half the table was delivered. No legs. It did seem odd that they wanted the cash in advance inspite of their protestations of innocence.

My friend Dennis told me to find a way to make my imagination pay. I am going to force it into a room and then beat it bare knuckled in a frenzy. It will pay all right. Now my worry is it will laugh at me and say, is that all you got.

A slight concern is that I appear to have lost primary telepathic connection with the rest of humanity. I no longer feel conscience twingeing. It could be the onset of sociopathy. A sociopath has no living conscience. Equally it could mean that society has become sociopathic. Or both. The good news is I am getting better communication with my giant purple rabbit. It is shorter to refer to her as my Djinn. And I find the company of men increasingly rude, but not rude enough to sustain interest.

My Djinn tells me Mario is a tosser. I think I need to eat more fruit and today my rubber plant arrived. I now own a plantation. One more diverse plant and I'll own a Hacienda. But lets not get ahead of ourselves. This plant must not die. It must live for a year. The search for a soul mate begins with keeping a plant alive for a year. Though according to Pahluniak it's only to learn the lesson that if you love anything it dies. That's why no one buys their kids a giant tortoise as pet. So it died after three months. It probably needed to be repotted in a larger pot. It was doing so well. But in the end the lack of light that probably did it. By the time I took the plant down to Mumsie it was already dead. Three months is a success and it only really began to die over the last six weeks of that. That is how things die. I know you aren't really accusing me with your stares because you know how long it takes to kill things over which you have total care and responsibility.

It is sad that God has mistaken me for someone else. For one who loves the poor. Who gets angry when they are mistreated. When all the beauty and love is trashed. The weak are exploited. Evil prevails and the good do nothing. It is not that I reject the role of prophecy. I deliver the word and then no miracle no plague. It's not the fear of being laughed at or ignored. I do not care about your poor. I want to find my own happiness far away with the one whom my soul loves. They have TV now they dont need prophets. I want the love of a good woman to live out my days on my hacienda with the giant tortoise. It would be nice if I could keep the shetland. To remind me of the days I rode out delivering your word for the oppressed campaneros.

And then I met the angel. A platinum blonde with a weak heart. And she did not judge me. She told me to be kind to the man in the mirror, she talked of deferred success. And she restores hope. So a bit of a shapeshifter the giant purple wabbit. One way to bypass the communication impasse.

Much has happened since then. I realised the truism that a platinum blonde cannot be completely innocent. And the name of my giant purple wabbit entrusted to me while looking for a founding title for Orver's new publishing house is Cheval Glass. And oddly enough three months passed. I know that because my ID card came up for renewal. And it is time for me to move on. She cried assassin at the AGM. Yes I still got it. Well she didn't actually cry at all but the others felt my treachery.

Three months hmm. It's one thing to realize that haunting ghosts stay on beyond their time. It's another thing to be unable to stay beyond three months. A year has four seasons, regardless of the weather.

How about this Lent

2006-02-26T10:34:00.000Z

Words words words. Don't give up things give they say, don't abstain from bad but proactively pursue good. Love life live lent.

Sounds like a rather good pepsi cola inspired, hey don't get all snobby and old on us now, what's wrong with Pepsi Cola, some argue the last best chance for world peace and the end to famine, could be Coca Cola. I can bloody well tell the difference in the same way that I could tell the difference between the singing of a pre-pubescent girl or boy. Something to do with the timbre. But I'd have to listen to one immediately after the other and I'd need some practice attempts and once I had fixed the difference it would be calibrated (yes that's the word) and might need recalibration at another date. But if a priest ever said he needed a pre-pubescent girl and boy for the purposes of recalibration even the holiest among us pure in heart and fair of face would for an instant at least think something unworthy. I blame the Zeitgeist. H3X by the way is coming along rather nicely.

When they asked to give up food or to refrain from some food types an Atkins for the Soul it appeared that I could be part of the solution. Now it's become about spin they have made a virtue out of whining about the problem.

In the beginning was the Word and the Word was both an action and semiotic pointer, it was some kind of magico-religious symbol. Blasphemy was a possibility. You could breach the power and sanctity of the sacred by besmirching the symbols.

Those Muslims, I repeat, those Muslims are living in the last millenium. Who cares about cartoons. There is no way to blaspheme. Ma Alish, it no longer matters. The actions are real. Today we should write in the beginning was the Action. You disagree. And yet that thicko wanker first lord of the treasury thinks that passing an act of parliament with Bessie's signature making glorification an imprisonable offence, yes but that's not because he thinks words have power, it's because he knows they are ineffective, they will cost nothing and he wants to appear to be strong and robust (robust is a strong word god knows if it means anyting). So yes, Hell yeah. I glorify all sorts of acts of terrorism, because that's the kind of guy i mean. And no one will imprison me because that's not the kind of glorification they mean. Because they mean nothing at all.

So I thought this Ash Wednesday I should go to a morning mass, get my forehead dusted with the Ash Cross to announce unto the pagans that I am of the True Faith, then I should immediately break fast at Carluccios with my break fast companion of late to announce unto the italians that I am a hypocrite.

I know what you are tinking. A daring plan young parawan apprentice, but do you have the iron clad cohunas to pull this off. What makes you think I am a mere parawan apprentice. The trick as ever is don't think, just do. And if the pre-raphaelite waitress is waitering, my beatrice, then I shall know that Adonai is the Lord. And if not prayer is prayer but food is food as the Teresa's elder sister put it and she also a saint.

Women are not good for me, neither is work good for me, the signs seem to be pointing the same direction. Don't question what does it all mean, go with the flow. And enjoy the magnifica colazione i think it's called. i hope they haven't lost that last chef he was getting the hang of that break fast thing.

Bertrand Lord Russell said his life was driven by three overwhelming drives, the longing for love, thirst for knowledge and compassion for the suffering of mankind. He forgot to mention his sexual proclivities for sophomores and freshers. Would he not have become truly holy prophetic and inspiring if having lived the three proclaimed more honestly he admitted the fourth as their fons et culmen. His longing for love, thirst for knowledge and compassion for the suffering of mankind found their fruition, their glory their crown, their hidden source deep in the dark continent in the sexual harrassment of sophomores and freshers. Or have i misunderstood the philosopher/mathematician yet again. Easily done but are you sure.

Was Wittgenstein so much more inspiring with his poetic elegance he abhorred the sexual attentions of sophomores/freshers and instead suggested they take summer jobs as shop assistants. Which of these two was the better neighbour, now that is a tough call.

Children in Arks in Bullrushes

2006-01-29T17:17:00.000Z

So they found Allora Dannen again.
In Brazil.
Yep.

Plea for the renormalizing of illegal duelling

2006-01-26T20:21:00.000Z

I was educated at a school in London for Roman Catholic gentlemen and their sons. I am not a recusant. I grew to fulfill my potential of drunken bum ronin failure unfit to associate with the great and the good. My school was part of the Italian Mission to the Irish, formed in the sixth century in Italy, our teachers came to England in the 19th century.

The Duke of Wellington passed the first Catholic Emancipation laws that enabled my schooling to begin. It took him several months badgering the King George who wasn't mad or if he was it was in the american english sense. When he finally went "tapis" as the French put it, the King demanded his resignation as First Lord of the Treasury so that he could appoint a new Prime Minister. It was on his way to cabinet that a runner arrived with the King's permission to proceed with his foolish bill. This was a Duke who learned his politics in gambling dens run by prostitutes.

The commoners were easily persuaded but in the Upper House after folding his arms and reminding all present that he wasn't going to remind them of his illustrious war record, of the price already paid for a fragile victory he ended saying that he would willingly give up his own life to forestall the spilling of blood in civil war. Among the baying wolves one minor earl called him a traitor (was it a coward also), a traitor intent on infesting this England with Popery at every level of government. Our Hero demanded a retraction; the earl respectfully declined. For he could not on his honour retract the Truth. So after the Duke's second visited the earl's second with the message requiring that satisfaction which is every gentleman's due and which no gentleman had the right to refuse, they met at dawn.

At the signal ready, they responded aye. The Duke cocked his pistol and aimed at the earl. The earl let his arms by his side. The Duke had plenty of time. He couldn't miss at twenty paces. But he thought for a moment and fired aside into the air. As if honour gave him any choice. Now the Earl had a loaded a pistol and plenty of time. He might have missed but it was his best chance to rid England of the aforementioned traitor. He too thought for a moment and also fired aside into the air.

They approached and a suitable apology was given and received which preserved the earl's duty to the truth and also his respect for the Duke's honour. The nation rallied around this gracious act. My schooling was born of Honour. Can there be any finer way to resolve disputes among gentlemen.

Ruth Kelley Dwarf Albinos and the Twilight Samurai

2006-01-15T14:23:00.000Z

Now would be a good time for Ruth Kelley to resign and spend more time making babies with her family.

Come higher friend, no not that high.

2006-01-06T15:39:00.000Z

It had been bothering me, and when they notice the bothering it's less damaging to come out with it. So I says, when you say that those invested with the insignia of the dragon will receive a greater reward. He stares.

Ok fine you have a good stare. Well it's just that I had understood in all humility that I am becoming like unto God, that I am gradually becoming divinised inspite of all my efforts, that well

yes he seems to get the picture, this all before any investiture is taken into account. I said he gets the picture.

It's like infinite series. Take two infinite series, all the even numbers, and all the prime numbers. Both are infinitely big but they only share one integer the number 2. (and i get the sneaking suspicion that although they are both infinitely big there are more even numbers than there are primes).

So let us say that once in eternity at the marriage feast a princeling is given a blessing without exhaustion whenever it is desired requested and when it is not and timelessly these amount to an infinity of blessings. Whenever such a one is blessed a Dracul is blessed three times. At any stage Draculs receive three times the grace and favour but each receives the maximum because how can infinity be greater than infinity.

So why does the Dragon seek to devour its tail?

Being and Appearing

2005-12-28T12:09:00.000Z

The Semiotic Square rears (and how easy it is to say ugly head, when I have always admired its elegance, even those times when I feel it's overrated, overworked. Reminds me of the opinion that DoorJamb is the most beautiful combination of words, when two nouns are together they have a special name, but only lovers of words and pedants know it. But a pedant wouldn't opine that there was one combination more beautiful than any other. Though he might venture that it was Peirce who loved the words so, as if pedantry is such a terrible sin. What are you trying to say. They never ask How are you trying say. I am trying to say that according to the Julian Calendar it won't be the 25th of December until the 7th of January. And by 2100 when I am by the grace of God transported to glory or dead the 25th of December will fall on the 8th January of the following year. Well not really that so much as realising that Christmas resembles a British Rail Time Table except it hasn't been British Rail for many years. As I ran down the stairs breathless I asked a man in pin-stripes if I had misseed the 8.12 and he replied that the 8.12 comes in at 8.16 unless it is delayed. And I am trying to say that perhaps he is better known as Liviu Dragotoiu Draculea, but then so many people change their names when they become celebrities, we used to say when they became famous and someone would quip, notorious. But I think the custom is to lessen the name so Menzies Campbell was always pronounced Min Campbell and Ralph Fiennes was always pronounced Rafe Fines. And I have now lengthened his pronunciation so it's not the same at all. But so much like the Holy Church who announces knew (aha a Lacanian Slip - no sir i am not calling you stupid I just meant that if you got your Freudian Slips from the latest Janet Reager Catalogue then you'd find a Lacanian slip in the Damart Catalogue by appointment to the University of St Andrews it can get cold up there no matter what they say about the protection of the hills) teaching with from scripture and the earliest tradition we have always asserted that... Should that not be which. How do we know which personal pronoun to use?

It was so much easier in the old days we just asked which pronoun the Church of England preferred and we chose the other one.

I get into so much trouble talking aloud because people think I should be understood or ignored. It's like no one ever takes a bath any more which is odd because i think of myself more as a shower with generic labelled herbal essences shower gel so it shouldn't really be relevant that my neighbour is unaccustomed to lying in baths. But I didn't mean to suggest that you smell or maybe I did (more a sort of Slip you would find at an Anne Sommers party not that I have ever attended, though I would love to get an invite to a Tupperware party, as if anyone would gather together like a wolf pack and merely purchase Tupperware. I deliberately left the bracket unclosed because I did not know where to close it.

When two or three are gathered

2005-12-25T10:57:00.000Z

Two or three men with stanley lives can gang rape a nation because it is the most civilised modernised nation in the world. In Paris a few men in overalls walked out with twenty million euro worth of diamonds. It took a hundred men led by a general named after a fig based biscuit to invade and conquer the whole of Italy. What has changed in the world since then to prevent a repetition. Nothing.

The problem is not the ineffectiveness of the lone stranger. The problem is that he is too powerful for the common masses. The unknown unknowable passing stranger is the most feared force always and everwhere. Clearly there is a lack of imagination. Give the average man the hypnotically induced belief that he is all powerful and the only thing he will try to do is to grope the nearest barmaid.

I once saw a Cheetah stopped in its tracks because the antelope carried on browsing in the grass and did not run from it. The way its done is they charge the antelope runs and then they leap on its neck and break its back with the momentum.

The answer to all life's woes is simple. Don't run. Imagine what you want in detail. Then take it, no one will stop you.

Happy xXxmas. In the war against Christmas we side with Janet Reager. Three times the Christ. Happy xXxmas one and all.

For me then the real problem is clear. I can't get the image of being taken out for lunch (could be dinner or breakfast) by the seven members of the pussy cat dolls (TM) entertainment group. Pigs have no imagination. And they are lazy. All I would have to do is fly out with two confident men and take them out to lunch. And that's not because they are exceptionally intellectually challenged (in a most beautious bodacious bootilicious way not in a yucky way). It's so much easier to have lunch at my brother's down the road.

There has never been a greater need for draculs. A term of abuse now in Romania. This is the hour. But for the health and safety of working barmaids everywhere. The rule of celibacy will have to be enforced more seriously.

Press Release

2005-12-24T11:19:00.000Z

To prevent the dissemination of further speculation disinformation and outrageous things of that nature. We are proud to confirm that the Court of the Dragon is fully supportive of the Crusade for Moorish Advancement. We will not be answering further questions on this matter though you remain free to raise further questions given that understanding.

It is the hope of the Dragon Court that this concludes that matter and that we can now be allowed to move on outwith further intrusive press attention and paparazzi viiolations and that having drawn a veil over the past we may pursue our just causes.

On a personal note it is deeply hurtful to have to face this continuous barrage of media attention and I should not have to inform anyone that photographic evidence can hardly be considered evidence with the current state of digital technology.

It is not important whence we came but whither we are going. Though it must be made clear that that statement was not designed to show support for any political party, party leader or political movement aside from the aforementioned Crusade for Moorish Advancement.

Thank you for your understanding and co-operation. We know where you live.

And we should like to take this opportunity to wish a happy xXxmas urbi et orbi.

By Order of Liviu Dragotoiu Dracul

Mythic Investitures

2005-12-23T08:39:00.000Z

Can Peter Dragon, the notorious hollywood producer, present to the court and be invested with the Insignia of the Dragon? The first thing they teach in casuistry is to ask yourself, is that statement semantically meaningful. This can lead to debate straddling millenia. Can a mythical creature be invested with a mythic investiture?

Peter Dragon the hollywood producer portrayed in the american series Action, an actor portraying a producer inviting an audience to stand back and watch another producer producing the series from which an audience can stand back in a hall of mirrors.

It is clear that the statement, 'Can a mathematical proof involving the square root of minus one have validity when the square root of minus one is not a real number and it would be foolish to rely for proof on something that clearly cannot exist.' is semantically meaningless.

So the statement Peter Dragon Dracul and of that Ilk was today formally invested with the Insignia of the Dragon by the Grand Knight of the Order Prince Liviu the Bloodless, is semantically meaningful.

The question then moves on is such a mythical creature worthy of such mythic status?

Debate is suspended for the Christmas and New Year break.

Dragons

2005-12-19T17:55:00.000Z

Some prefer the Dragon Nebula. From time immemorial, aeon unto aeon it straddles the sky ready to be hanged by any passing telescope. Not so for the dancing dracul.

Higher resolution version (TIF, 4.2M)
If you stare at the Sun sometimes you dont go blind at all. Sometimes it stares back.

Movie (Quicktime, 638k)

Movie (MPEG, 148k)

Rather like Basho's Haiku to the Ancient Pond wot wot.

And another thing

2005-12-19T11:44:00.000Z

He doesn't dance courtly dances, not even modern ballroom, not even the post-modern disco stomp. He is more of a Gael performing a Celigh, Dawoud before the Ark. But he is quick on his feet and stronger than he looks. Gives the impression not so much that he would favour a concealed dagger, more that he sports a false nail on his signet ring finger delicately sharpened to a point and tipped with fatal poison, but of course he doesn't.

If you have ever seen a young black woman shake her booty not that anyone would expect you to admit to such like in public, his feet are as nimble, short quick movements in a mathematically recondite pattern, seemingly random; predictable only because even random events fall into obscure patterns.

So about that other thing, it seems to me that if a fellow subject challenged me to hoist the Flag of the Union the correct way up, I'd have a fifty percent chance of getting it right. But if any subject of our goode queen could explain which way said flag should hang and he is not a former lifeguard we should treat him as a spy.

His take on the insignia of the dragon seems equally ordinary: T over infinity. A green mobius strip attached by a red cross pin. With the penchant for ribbon wearing you could be mistaken for the campaign for breast cancer awareness or HIV or ending world poverty or more likely be totally unnoticeable, a tree in a forest. And his reinventive symbolism is interesting if perhaps too sheer.

Which takes me back to the dance. I have seen an american jeweller offering a gilded bronze replica of the dragon swallowing its tail hanging from a Cross only 70 dollars. Certainly good value, not for our young princeling though. I also noticed a proper dragon court offering the insignia after a vetting procedure and quest, sounded like a fraternity hazing thing, a lot of fun to be had there. But as I mentioned.

What can I tell you. He dances like a moonlit gypsy groom before a camp fire. I can't see him presenting his additaments to the Lord Lyon any time soon either.

Greetings

2005-12-18T11:01:00.000Z

He has the rather disturbing mannerism of pressing close and kissing both cheeks whenever we at first cross paths.

Don't be so stiff, you may say. Are we not now part of L'Europe. Two grown men who share no mutual intimate knowledge. Press close and kiss. Twice. This is the formal introduction. Think on it. Imagine it if you dare.

In theory I have acquired the taste for jam instead of marmalade. For their part they serve tea now also across the marshlands. This has nothing to do with academic moot debates over how much of our multi-billion euro rebate we return or whether the French will stop being so French with their cows.

This is a real hard felt discomfort. I am frequently kissed on both cheeks and there don't appear to be anyone wot notices any awryness. It is beyond outrage, Sir.

Has honesty and soothsaying left these islands. I am fully bearded. An Old Testament prophet would blanche in jealous rage by my beard. Yet nothing abates the passion of his embrace or the tenderness of his coupled kisses.

At least it proves his european stock, enough proof for now not to dismiss the picaresque Carpathian prince. A fraud you say. What other kind of picaresque Carpathian princes are there?

Turn back

2005-12-17T23:32:00.000Z

This is not a good idea. It always starts simply. Then things get out of hand. But he wouldn't listen. Or perhaps he really doesn't understand English. Perhaps it isn't that odd to seek out several one bed apartments scattered across London. There is no need to read more into that. Just because I can find no mention of Liviu Dragotoiu Count Palatine of... Wait I hear something. I will write more later.